- Being afraid and doing it anyway.

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New Year’s Eve was the culmination of one of the most incredible years of my life and if it was any indication, the start of a year that’s going to be even more off the charts.

Let’s start with the day of New Year’s Eve itself.

I spent the first half of the day with a man who has been a mentor to me from a distance for years, Lee Brower.  Lee was one of the teachers on the movie “The Secret” and he not only gets the concept of family wealth planning as about far more than passing on just your money, his Brower Quadrant epitomizes it.

Lee shared with me his vision for the future of his work, we talked about the Law of Attraction and a new Universal Law he introduced me to called the Law of Precession, which if understood explains why many of us never get where we want to go, and he gifted me with several things before he left:

1. a gratitude rock for myself and a few for my family,
2. two books written by William George Jordan, the Power of Truth and the Majesty of Calmness,
3. a deeper understanding of what I call Family Wealth Planning, he calls Family Leadership planning (see chapter 11) and you know as estate planning, and
4. the knowingness that he and I will do amazing work together in the future.

I can’t imagine a better way to end the year than with the promise of an amazing new beginning.

Then, later that afternoon, Dave and I left for a retreat out at the Glen Ivy retreat center.  My good friend Max, the founder of a new movement inspiring young minds to meditate called Self-Centered, had invited me to the retreat, which was hosted by the folks at Elevate Films.

It turns out that the Elevate Films crew had just (literally at 3am the night before the retreat began) put the finishing touches on a new film about Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, the Rev. at the Agape International Spiritual Center, where I am a member.

We got to be the very first people to ever see the movie!

It’s fantastic.  And, if you want to read a great book about living a liberated life now, check out Rev. Michael’s book Spiritual Liberation, today.  I’ve been reading it for several weeks now and it’s definitely made a difference in my life.

The Rev. is going to be on Oprah on Wednesday, January 7.  Watch him.  He’s been a primary teacher in my discovery of the all good that life is.

The Elevate Films crew got the call to make the movie they screened for us only on Thanksgiving.  What they created in such a short time is a testament to the power of Spirit and you definitely want to get the film when it comes out and discover what’s possible when you have a vision and spirit on your side.

If all goes well, I’m going to be working with the Elevate team to get a marketing strategy in place to capitalize on the Oprah experience for Agape and get the word out about the movie.

This is something I dreamed about happening a few years ago, kind of like I dreamed about working with Lee Brower a few years ago and now it’s all happening.

Another reminder of the power of envisioning what you want and then focusing on it happening with a mindset of non-attachment and without worry about how it will happen.

Here’s what I mean:

I knew I wanted to get involved at Agape.  I knew I wanted it to be in some sort of a behind the scenes way that would be a perfect fit for my skillset.  I didn’t know how it would happen and didn’t worry too much about the how.  I just knew I’d be ready when the opportunity presented itself.  And now it has and it’s unfolding better than I could have ever planned.

Also, while I was at the retreat, I had the opportunity to get very clear on a gift I have, but was somewhat unclear about before.

I’ve been working on a book about solving legal conflicts in a new and unique way.  It’s not mediation.  It’s better than that.  I’ll have to come up with a specific name for it, but I don’t have it yet.

What I do have, thanks to what happened at the retreat, is a new, much clearer title for the book I’m writing.

Here it is.  You heard it hear first:

Should I Sue? 33 Real Life Opportunities to
Be the Change You Want to See in the World.

The title came to me after I had the opportunity to counsel a woman who was considering whether to sue her neighbor.

I’ll save her story for another post, but in the process of counseling her I clarified a gift I have for helping people embroiled in conflict situations determine how to resolve the situation, whether to sue and helping them to transform the conflict from a negative, draining situation into an opportunity to gain clarity about who they are in the process.

So many people are mired in these conflicts that are holding them back from living the lives they deserve and I am so grateful to God for showing me how I can be of service in such an important way.

At the same time all was happening, I was also coming to the conclusion that to make room for everything that’s unfolding, I’d have to close down my law firm.

I sold the majority interest of my law firm back in July and have remained on as a partner, but I’ve accepted that even holding on to a piece of  it is keeping me held back from everything else on the horizon and I need to completely let go.

Unfortunately, when I told Art that I could no longer remain on as a partner, he let me know it’s too much for him to run his firm in Marina Del Rey and the Redondo Beach office, so we decided to close down Martin Neely & Associates.

I spent the weekend writing a letter to my clients, which turned into a ten page retrospective of the last 5 years, the lessons I’ve learned, what it means for them and how they can continue to work with me on an ongoing basis.

If you are a client, look for that next week.

After all of the clients have received their copy by mail, I may post a copy on the firm’s website.

Everyone I’ve told has asked me if I’m okay with it or if I’m really upset, or what.  And, you know what?  I am okay with it.  It’s all unfolding perfectly.  Is it what I would choose?  No, not necessarily.

But, what I do know is that the divine creator of my life knows far better than I do about what’s supposed to happen, when and how.  All I need to do is Trust and get out of the way.

And, it’s all happening.

Yesterday, I started a post that ended with me asking how you do it.

I was going to write a whole long post about how I do it, but then I ran out of the hour I had while the kids were watching their movie and decided I’d need to split it into two posts.

So, today I tell you how I do it.

I have a lot of freakin’ help.  A personal assistant.  A nanny who also grocery shops and cooks.  A housekeeper who keeps the house clean and laundry done.  A virtual team for my business.  An in-office team for my other business.  An ex-husband who I can count on for homework duty, doing fun stuff with the kids, and the frequent overnight.  A boyfriend who’s willing to help out far more than required.

I still get a twinge of guilt/shame/fear when I tell you that I have so many people helping me.

That feeling keeps a lot of women from ever realizing their full potential.  It almost did for me.  I used to believe I had to do everything myself.  That thought kept me small and it kept my business small.

It took a conscious awareness of those feelings and a shift in my perspective for me to begin to be willing to ask for help, pay for it and accept it.

I remember with crystal clarity the ah-ha moment that I made the shift.

I had just been reading about a billionaire businessman, I think it was Mark Cuban.

I asked myself how I would think and act if, like him, I was running a multi-million dollar company.  In that split second, a paradigm shift happened in my mind.  I stopped being afraid to hire people to help me.  Because I knew I wanted a million dollar business and I knew it’s not possible to run even a million dollar business without a lot of help.

Anytime I got scared, I asked myself what the billionaire businessman would do.

I began to see spending money on getting more help as an investment in my growth instead of an indulgent waste.

It’s really a perfect feedback loop.  The business exists to support the team that makes it go.  No need to feel guilty about that!

I have one hour.  I’ve just put the kids in front of a movie (The Nutty Professor) and popped 4 bags of popcorn so each kid would have his or her own (they are the teeny 100 calorie size) and there’s an hour left on the movie.

How will I use the time?

Respond to one of 185 emails I’ve opened and saved to respond to later.

* Interrupted already* Gotta get the last popcorn out of the microwave and someone wants water.

What was I saying?  Oh, right, how will I use my 55 minutes remaining?

Write a blog post.  Well, I guess I’m doing that, so that’ll be one of the things I do in the 54 minutes I now have available.

Respond to the 1 irate email that just came in from a client of my law firm due to a misunderstanding that will take approximately 15 minutes of thought and email writing to clear up.

Tweet?  Nope, not gonna Tweet.

Here’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to contemplate how in the heck work at home moms without full time (or even part time!) manage to do it.

My nanny, Kelsey, has been out of town for a week, but my mom was in town, so I was able to get work done.  But, today, my family finally left and I had some intentions of getting on the computer and doing a few things.

It’s nearly impossible without someone hanging out with the kids.

My kids are not very good independent players.  They want adult interaction.  I want them to have it too.

It’d be great if I had the kind of kids who could easily entertain themselves for hours with a box and a ball of string, but those are not my kids.

So, work at home mompreneurs, how do you do it?  Daycare?  A nanny?  Part time help?  Big screen TV, laptop and a DS?

How do you blog, shop, keep your house clean, arrange playdates and after school activities, do homework, keep up with email, run a business/company,  grocery shop, and all the rest?

Next time I get a chance to write, I’ll tell you how I do it and a secret about what a challenge it’s been for me.

** Image by http://www.touchamemory.com - cool, huh?

Over the past several weeks, I’ve been grappling with an idea that has been at the periphery of my awareness consistently, yet elusively, at least as far as writing about it goes.

It all started on my 35th birthday with the whole Motrin Moms thing, which I am reluctant to dredge back up, but at the same time feel somewhat unresolved with, so I feel that reluctance along with a simultaneous compulsion to write about it and get it resolved.

It has to do with taking things personally and being outraged, but I have not been able to put my finger on what I wanted to say about those things.

Until this past week when I momentarily took something personally and became outraged (which I’ll tell you all about in a minute) and then became aware that its taking things personally and being easily outraged that most block our emotional and financial well-being and growth.

When we take things personally and are easily outraged, we become stuck.

The less I take things personally and get outraged about anything, the happier I am in life and the more I am able to manifest on the physical plane.

The less I take things personally and get outraged, the healthier I feel. The more content, I am, without dulling my ambitious nature.

I am able to stay ambitious, driven and on-purpose, but with an overall sense of calm knowing that everything is all right.

The frenetic need to make things happen and the constant fear that somehow I am missing something or missing out on something decreases each day I maintain my center and don’t take things personally or move into outrage.

I’ve spent the last several years learning a lot about personal growth and spirituality.  And, it seems to me that everyone wants the same experience, for the most part.

Peace, contentment, satisfaction, and joy.

The path to these experiences is different for everyone … or maybe it’s not.  Maybe, all it takes (as if it were that easy!) is to not take things personally and not get outraged so easily.

I am able to see that taking things personally and getting outraged easily are signposts for my personal degree of awareness.

When I see these signposts in my own experience, it means I’ve fallen asleep, lost consciousness in the literal sense, on the spiritual plane.  Just as the ability to stay centered and calm, even when  I disagree with someone or some event, is one of my signposts for wellness, prosperity, abundance.

It’s like there are two versions of Alexis - the little Alexis and the big Alexis.  When I am aware, I am operating at a higher frequency, my responses are thought through with love and compassion.  For myself and those around me.

When I’m not, little Alexis shows up and makes all the decisions.  Reaction city.  Reactions to annoyances that are more dramatic than necessary.

This all crystallized for me this past Tuesday when I woke up and got an email from Dave saying that he had missed his flight.

My initial, knee-jerk reaction was outrage, judgment, fear, and anger.  My mind screamed “how could he be so stupid” and asked “what’s wrong with him?”

I took his plight personally.  Momentarily, I even made it my fault.  I should have checked his ticket and noticed the date.  How could I let this happen? Then, I snapped out of the patterned response and asked God to show me the way to compassion, love and release.

Within a short time,  I was able to remind myself that he’s a grown man who does not need mommy to monitor his travel plans or to fix this for him.

I halted my outrage in its tracks and reminded myself that it had nothing to do with me.  This was his experience and he’d handle it.  All I had to do is sit back and watch what happened.

I didn’t need to fix it, judge it, or worry about it.

Here’s the cool thing, he handled it great!  Far better than he would have if I’d been harping on him that he did something “wrong” and shared my initial reactions with him.

Instead, when I talked to him, I transformed my anger into compassion, told him that I was so sorry for his being stuck in the airport on Christmas and that I loved him.

I’ll let him tell you the whole story himself, but the short of it is that it was a wild ride that ended up with him flying first class all the way through from Los Angeles and getting to Massachusetts in time for his family’s Christmas party.

It definitely would not have come out as well had I gotten outraged, as was my first inclination.

The bottom line?

Notice when you are taking things personally and getting outraged.  Make the conscious decision to not do it.  Ask for the guidance you need to replace those thoughts and emotions with compassion and love, for yourself and those around you.

So, to bring this all back around to the way I started, referencing the Motrin Moms dealio, which brought all of this up for me in the first place.

When I wrote the Motrin moms post, what I intended to say is what I’ve written here.

What was heard by the mommy community was quite different.  So different, in fact, that when one of my team members approached a few moms to write about the work I’m doing to put in place legal plans that ensure kids are taken care of in the right way and the free website I’ve created where parents can name legal guardians for their kids free, she was told “hell no” (and a few other choice words I won’t write here because this is a family blog) because this mom was still upset about my role in the whole Motrin Moms situation.

Then, I heard that another mom apparently emailed the entire Silicon Valley Moms Blog community, where I used to blog for the LA Moms Blog and told them to NEVER do anything with me again. (For the record, I have not independently verified this - it could be just a rumor).

Wow.  That’s some serious outrage.

As I thought about this and whether I should try and get through to these outraged moms, I decided that some people are my people, some people are not my people.  And, I take none of it personally.

Image by Darwin Bell via Flickr

Change is happening and for many of us, it’s extremely frightening.

Over 500,000 people lost their jobs in November of 2008, bringing the total for the year to near 2 million jobs lost.

And, it’s all perfect.

How can that be?

Because what emerges from it will be absolutely what we need for to continue our growth and evolution.

You see, so many spend their life relentlessly wondering what’s my purpose, when the answer always is the same … your top purpose/OUR top purpose is to evolve.

And what’s happening right now is the perfect invitation and opportunity to do just that.

If you’ve lost your job, you have the most wonderful opportunity to discover who you are without that identification.

Consider the possibility that your job was blocking you from growing.  Perhaps you had stagnated.  Life as too comfortable and you had entered what Rev. Michael would call the world of “stagnation.”

Well, you aren’t stuck anymore.  You never would have chosen to make this leap on your own, but here you are.

The Universe has made the leap for you and you can either resist it with all your might or you can lean into it.  Accept your new reality. Make the best of it.  And, stay open to the possibility that you are now available to take your life to a whole new level.  One you’ve dreamed about, but thought was too risky to go for.

Now is the time to go for it.  You’ve got everything to gain.

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Image via Wikipedia

Yeah Baby, We Have Lice … But, I’m Not Embarassed

Ok, so that’s not entirely true.

When I had to call Lesley Bohm, the amazing celebrity photographer I was supposed to have a photo shoot with today,  and tell her I couldn’t make it because I have lice, I was a little embarassed.

More than a little embarrassed.

When I first found out my daughter had it, I wanted to keep it a secret.  I wanted to tell her not to tell anyone at school.  I wanted her to make something up about why she didn’t go to school.

Fortunately, before I passed on my tendencies towards shame and hiding, I came to my senses.

I remembered that keeping secrets is the heart of just about every emotional dis-ease out there, alcoholism, drug addiction, food issues, anorexia, bulimia.  Behind each one of them is a secret that’s festered into a kink.

In each case, there’s some well-meaning parent who inadvertently conditioned his child to feel shame, embarrassment, or judgment about something and hide whatever that something is, creating a hole that needs to be filled.

Lice isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarassed about.  If you get it, it doesn’t mean you’re dirty.  (In fact, did you know that lice is more attracted to clean hair?)

The only reason we are instinctively embarrassed about it is because at some point we were conditioned to think that way.

I decided not to pass on the conditioning.

I mean yes, it’s kind of yuck-o that there are bugs laying eggs in my hair, but feeling shameful about it certainly doesn’t help the situation.

And, passing that shame/need to hide  on to my daughter is definitely not the answer.

So, I boldly picked up the phone, called the school nurse and let her know I’d be keeping Kaia home for the day and that the 3rd grade class should be checked for lice. Gulp.

(Guess what? It turns out half the school is infested, I really didn’t have anything to be embarassed about! Yay.)

I accepted the reality of the situation, and then got busy.

We went out and bought that poison stuff from the drugstore and started going through Kaia’s hair.  Then, when that didn’t seem to work that great, I got out the vinegar and went through her hair wit the nit comb dipped in vinegar, which apparently helps to unstick the nits.

To top everything off (literally), we slathered her hair with half a jar of mayonnaise and wrapped her hair in saran wrap and a shower cap before bed.

After all that, I expected we’d be cleared for school, no problem.

But, no.  When we got to school, the nurse still didn’t give Kaia (or me!) the all clear and I realized I needed to call  in reinforcements.

Hair Whispers.  For a $35 travel fee and $85/hour,  they saved the day.  (I called around and they were the least expensive.  I was quoted a $50 travel fee and $125/hour by another company and then $250/$300 by a third company).

What a great business!

Amy Goldreyer is one smart cookie.  She was even named best nitpicker by LA Weekly.  Yep, best nitpicker.

If she doesn’t have enough business via word of mouth (which I can’t imagine she doesn’t - she was mentioned in the NYT amongst celebrity baby consultants and as I sit here I just got my third email from a schoolmate friend of Kaia’s whose mom never emails me, looking for a referral to my hair fairy - the mommies are desparate!), I can suggest some quick changes to her web presence that would get her even more business.

For those of you small business owners who have been asking me for advice on marketing your businesses, here’s some good stuff for you:

Web presence suggestions -

* Create a nitpickers blog with stories about people met while nitpicking (all names disguised of course) and about how they act, what they say when they call for appointments, etc.;

* Put up an opt-in form for her nitpicker’s weekly that offers something extremely valuable, like a weekly report tracking infestations throughout the area so parents can be proactive and schools can avoid the kind of infestation our school is dealing with at the moment;

* Give affiliate commissions to referrers.  If I was getting paid, I’d email the whole school about our experience with my affiliate link included.  I may do it anyway, but only if I find an extra 15 minutes tomorrow.  If I was getting paid, I’d find the 15 minutes for sure.

* Establish a Facebook page for the business where I can become a fan and set up a Tweet that I can send out announcing I’m a fan of the business.

Hey, Amy, if you want to take this business huge, contact me.  I’d love to see it birthed out of the Millionaire Mom Business Incubator I’m launching with fellow millionaire mom Sheri McConnell (like the program name Sheri?) in 2009 as part of an incredible new association we’ve got launching.

But, even without the serious web presence, it’s a great business.

Do a little bit of marketing by making sure your brochures are in the hands of local school nurse, buy up Google Adwords for lice {local city} and lice removal {local city}, put up an informative website using the key words and keeping it updated with new information frequently, then send out young women with a cute utility bag of nitpicking tools to desperate moms who have no one else to comb lice out of their hair.

It’s a homerun.

I paid $200.39 + gave our nitpicker (who didn’t like being called that, by the way) a $20 tip to be deloused and it was well worth it.

I mean truly, what else is a mom to do?  It’s not like she can ask her husband to do it, or even a friend.

If I had nothing else going on and had to make some quick money, I’d get into the lice removal business.

I passed on Amy’s company information to at least three other desperate moms in our neighborhood already.

Here’s what I learned about lice and lice removal:

1.  The lice removal kits you buy from the drugstore are a big ripoff.  And, they poison you too.  A doubly bad combination.

2.   The little plastic comb they give you is bunk.  It doesn’t work.

3.  You can do the whole comb out deal at home without the service.  But, you need the right equipment and you DON’T need poison.

The equipment:

* A real nit comb - metal, not plastic. I recommend you buy one now to have on hand for when the lice hits your family.

* A bottle of water/conditioner mixed together

* Some type of oil - olive oil works, lavender oil.  Whatever.  The hair whisperer gal sold me a nice size bottle of their proprietary blend for $20.  Whole Foods wanted $30 for a teeny bottle of lavender oil, so I felt good about my purchase.

* Paper towels

* A bowl of water

That’s it.  No poison necessary.  Total cost minus the cute gal to comb your hair for you?  About $30.

The difficult part is the combing out of the nits/lice.

It was done totally differently than I expected.

There were three steps, which took a total of about an hour.  The key seemed to be running the comb through your hair vigorously from forehead over top of scalp and off back of hair with various substances combed through hair.

(It actually felt kind of nice - we sat out in the sun on my front patio area during the combing and for a few minutes I imagined I was at a high end spa, having a head treatment outside - ahhhh, I love having my hair played with).

It’d be nearly impossible to do to yourself, I imagine.  And not nearly as enjoyable.

Overall, my personal lesson from the whole day is there’s never anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  There’s so much to enjoy about and learn from every experience … even lice.

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I’m in the midst of a 2-day planning retreat to map out 2009 and boy, is my life complicated!

My boyfriend lives in Atlanta, where he has two kids of his own.

Fortunately, his business is run from his laptop, which means he can come out to stay with me every other week.  But, he also has a business partner in Richmond he has to go see at least once a month.

Plus, both of us run coaching groups.  Mine are for lawyers who want to  serve their clients in a more holistic, caring way, while they make more money and work less.  His are for business owners and professionals who have something to say and want to make money with their message.

Not to mention, as of right now, I’m speaking at tthree events next year, attending a training to become certified in helping people discover their passions, beginning a course with Reverend Michael at my Church, hosting my own marketing event, writing my second book, attending three live events with my new mentor, and continuing to pitch (or maybe begin?) my television show.

Oh, and of course, taking care of the kids and running my businesses.  AND, perhaps most exciting of all, launching a new business for millionaire mom entrepreneurs or those who want to be.  More on that one soon.

And, of course we will be taking some vacations - on the schedule already we’ve got Mammoth in early February to ski, Chicago over the summer (I know, not the best time of the year), and of course Burning Man!

Whew, what a year!

This kind of a year doesn’t happen without some serious planning.

So, Dave and I spent the entire day yesterday plotting it all out on big fold out calendars from Franklin Covey.

The cool thing is that even with all of that happening, I can feel I’ll have plenty of time and space for myself, to deepen my spiritual practices, to do yoga and pilates, and to spend time alone.

How is that?

It’s all about choices.  I choose to fill my life with things that inspire me, excite me, and fill me with more energy.   And, I let go of all the rest.  Amazingly, the more I do that, the more I find room for more of what I love and supports my highest purpose.

The other night, I wrote about how the answer to life’s pain/suffering/uncertainty is to rest in the awareness that everything’s okay.

The following morning, I was given the opportunity to translate that into a real life situation with a friend of mine and in doing so, remind myself.

Isn’t it beautiful how so often we find ourselves telling people in our lives exactly what we ourselves need to hear?

So, here’s the story.

Kaia is in third grade and some of the girls in her class seemed to have suddenly learned that it can be fun to exclude some of the other girls.

I first discovered this when I found out Kaia had not been invited to the birthday party of a girl she had previously spent a lot of time with.  I wrote about that experience on the LA Moms Blog.

The long and the short of it?  I felt a lot of pain around the whole thing.  Kaia couldn’t have cared less.

When I brought it up with my ex-husband, he looked at me like I had three heads.   He reminded me that our kids had learned in preschool that it was fine to exclude people and fine to be excluded.  It’s all okay.

Oh, right, now I remember.  That’s why I loved that school so much.  The unconditioning.  I chose it because when I showed up there for a tour, half of the kids were running around naked and playing in the mud.  Perfect.

Unfortunately for my friend, she didn’t have any of that unconditioning.  Her kid went to a traditional preschool where all the kids kept their clothes on and were made to take turns, share and be polite.  And, she herself had experienced generations of conditioning, none of which had yet to be unraveled.

So, when she found out her daughter was being excluded, she immediately decided something was wrong.

And, wanted to fix it.

But, how do you fix it when your child is being excluded?  Well, naturally, you try to help your child figure out what they are doing that’s causing the exclusion.

Right, that’s the conditioned reaction.  That was my immediate reaction too when I first heard my daughter was being excluded.

Except that, here’s the problems with that natural reaction:

#1:  You can’t fix it.

#2:  If you try to fix it, you make it worse.

#3:  By trying to fix it, your child inherits the conditioning that tells her that if she’s being excluded, there must be something wrong with her.  And, she begins to believe that if she can just change something about herself so that she fits in she won’t be excluded.

And well, we know where that leads, don’t we?

To feelings that we’re not good enough as we are. To low self-esteem.  To trying to please other people to feel good inside.  Eventually, to sex, drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.

So, what’s the unconditioned response look like that can break these patterns?

Let it be.  Teach your kid that it’s fine to be excluded.  Help her to focus on the people she enjoys spending time with who enjoy spending time with her instead of on the kids who don’t want her around.

Above all, help her understand it’s not personal.

She’s not being excluded because there’s something wrong with her.  She’s being excluded because not everyone is a match with everyone else.

And, that’s okay.

She needs to focus her attention on and hang out with the kids she does fit with and not worry about the rest.

What a gift to give your daughter.  The gift of being able to be herself without worrying what other people think.

Yes, for a mommy who does care what other people think, this can be incredibly difficult.  But, what an opportunity to let go of everything we once thought was important and find what really matters.

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Last night, I wrote about an awareness I gained about myself.  But, I didn’t tell you what it is. Truthfully, I was a little embarrassed.

Here it is:

I spend a lot of time analyzing EVERYTHING.  Dave was teasing me about how I even analyzed the Honeymooners TV show (a favorite of his) when we watched it together.  I just couldn’t help but think that Alice was so unhappy with her life.

Quite often, that analyzing mind turns on me and the analysis generally goes something like this:

“Is how I’m feeling okay?  What’s wrong with the way I’m feeling.  Why do I feel this way? Who can I blame for these feelings?  Damn, why’d I have to lash out that way?  What’s wrong with me?  Why do I feel this way if I know everything’s okay?  Why can’t I feel that everything’s okay?”

I know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.

I also know that it’s these thoughts and feelings that trap people between success in life and a life of suffering.

No matter how much money I have, no matter how famous I become, no matter how many people I help, if I allow mySELF to get trapped by this self-analysis and not accept that sometimes I just don’t feel great and that’s okay, have compassion for it and stop judging it, I will be suffering.

I believe most of us have thoughts that insist there’s something wrong … with the world, with our situations, with ourselves.

My experience is not unique.

When I used my analyzing mind to inquire within instead of getting caught in the circular patterns of why, why, why, I discovered something interesting.

It’s not the thinking and the analysis that causes the suffering.  It’s the not okayness with it.  It’s the moving away from it that causes suffering.

My pattern is to be constantly looking for what’s wrong.  It’s always asking, “is everything okay here?” and then judging the answer.

True freedom comes from the realization that it’s always okay.  Even the frustration, the analysis, and the not remembering these Truths.

Whenever I immerse myself in my spiritual work and spend time in the presence, I am able to shake my head, appreciate (and even laugh at!) the incessant self-analysis and convert it to self-inquiry, have compassion for myself and stop judging what’s happening.

When I do that, I stop asking what’s wrong with this and start to inquire am I okay with what’s happening?

And then, I notice.  As I notice, I begin to experience freedom bit by bit  because now I’m no longer in the midst of the spinning thoughts, but instead observing the insanity.  And perhaps, even laughing at it.

NLP, mind control, positive thinking, affirmations … I’ve tried them all.  I’ve tried everything I can to change my thinking.  But, it just keeps coming back.  Time and time again.

The only thing that stops my suffering is to become okay with it.  Accept it and let it be.  Let it be okay to feel the pain, the sadness, the anger, the hurt.  This too shall pass. Let it be.

Easier said then done you say?

Soon, I’ll share a path I’ve learned that helps a lot.

My boyfriend Dave lives across the country in Atlanta.  He’s got two kids.  A daughter and a son.  I’ve got two kids.  A daughter and a son.

This past weekend over Thanksgiving they met for the first time.

Ok, so it wasn’t quite the Brady Bunch and won’t be from this distance.  But, the kids got along great and I have fantasies of all of us living together one day in a big house by the beach.  In California.

Gina and Kaia were asked several times over the weekend if they are sisters.  They didn’t know how to answer!  Here are a few pictures: