The Whole Truth

Feb 09

2009

4 Steps to Moving On With Integrity

by Alexis Martin Neely - Posted in Entrepreneurism, How To Stuff, Moving Beyond Fear, Pursuit of Truth |

traditional_kampong_house_rumah_melayu_move_heritage_moving-722665As you know, I’m in the process of closing down my law firm and stepping into a much bigger vision.

I’ve learned so many lessons from the experience that I am excited to share because moving on is a critical step to playing a bigger game and is one of the places most people get stuck.

My intention here at the Intrepid Mompreneur is to inspire you to keep moving ahead, to play a bigger game and to be afraid and do it anyway, so I’ve got to share the lessons.

My last post made it seem as if all my clients are enraged about my decision to move on and because I don’t want to leave you with that false impression, I’m sharing with you a few of the expressions of lightness and appreciation I’ve received as well.  After that I’ll share with you the 4 steps you need to know to move on with integrity when you make your move.

This first one is from a client of mine who’s uncle died almost two years ago and we’ve been helping her wrap up his Estate.  Although I am closing the firm, we are continuing to handle this for her until everything is complete, as promised.  Here’s what she said:

“I would like to thank everyone that has helped me in this situation and I do appreciate everything that all of you as a team has done for me.  Without Alexis, Nathalie, Mark and Elizabeth, I don’t think I could have finished this estate.  Alexis assured me from the beginning that I could do it, that they would help me every step of the way.  You haven’t let me down.  I thank you so much for you staying with me to the end.  You will never know what this means to me.” — Best Wishes, Pam

Then, I received many that were similar to this one:

“How sad for us but happy for you and your family!  Change is part of life, but we will certainly miss working with you. As you know, we were not quite finished with our initial estate plan paperwork.  I still need to bring into your office our updated paperwork on the accounts that have been retitled in the name of the Living Trust, as well as the updated beneficiary info for our retirement accounts and other life insurance policies–so everything can be placed in a binder for our records and our lawyer’s records.  Also, we have not yet had our Priceless Conversation.  I can bring the copies of the paperwork by next week or wait until our file has been transferred to our new lawyer.  Alexis, since you know us and know where we are on our planning, who would you recommend we consider working with?  We would like to work with someone young enough (or with associates who are young enough) to work with our children as they grow up …” – Paul

Know what I noticed about all the people who sent well wishes and thanks?  They are the people who have the most wealth, both in their bank accounts and in their life overall.

These people are great examples for you if YOU are the one being left behind.

A great lesson I’ve learned about creating abundance in my life over the past several years has been to celebrate other people playing big, every time I see it.  By celebrating other people getting closer to their full potential has allowed me to move closer to my full potential.  It can be difficult to do this if envy comes up first, but if you can be aware of that and celebrate, you’ll get much closer to your own dreams more quickly.

So, now what to do if you are the one moving on?

This article shares with you 4 steps to moving on with integrity.

This is the third time in my life that I’ve made a big shift and each one has incrementally prepared me for the next.

The first was when I left the big law firm to open up my own practice.  The second was when I moved out of my house and divorced my husband.  And now this one, which at times feels a bit like divorce times 500 and is taking me into my biggest vision yet.

Each one has taught me something important about how to move on with integrity.  Each one has also taught me a critical lesson about how to move on in the right way.

If you intend to play at a big level, this is critical to know because you will have to move on several times in your life as you get closer and closer to the truth of who you are, why you are here and what your true purpose is in life.

1.        Have Compassion For the People Left Behind

Each time you move on, there will be people left behind.  Of course, it’s the nature of moving on.  You are going somewhere new and the people who remain in the place you were are, in some cases, going to feel left behind.

Depending on the magnitude of your jump or how close you are getting to the spotlight, the pain expressed by the people left behind can get pretty ugly.  And, you must be prepared for the people you are leaving behind to try and keep you back where they are.

Why?

Because if you move on, it can appear to be a slap in the face.  As if you are leaving them behind because there is something wrong with them.

People who are left behind may try and talk you out of moving ahead.  They may threaten and cajole you to not go.  They may lash out.

You want to have compassion for the pain of the ones being left behind.  Love them through it.

Dave helped me bring this compassion into my own experience when he said “feel into the life of the person who is lashing out at you and allow yourself to feel their pain.  Then, remember a time when you felt pain and lashed out because of it.  Bring your love and forgiveness to that.”

He’s a keeper, huh?

What I can tell you from my experience with this is that if you love them through it, eventually (and it may not be on your timetable) your love will break through their pain.  Don’t have an expectation of that though, just love because that’s what feels better to you and let go of attachment to how that love is received.

2.       Don’t Be Afraid to Course Correct

As you take leave, you may find that you didn’t have full awareness of what the consequences of leaving would be.

Know that it’s okay.

Life is about learning, moving forward, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes and course correcting.

If you find that you come up against a challenge or a consequence that you did not think of as you made your plans to move forward, don’t be afraid to course correct.

Fortunately, it’s never too late to right a wrong, ask forgiveness, or forgive yourself.

And, that brings us to step 3 …

3.       Forgive Yourself

Forgiving yourself is of course the most important of all of these steps.  You are okay exactly the way you are.   To the extent that you are seeing pain reflected back at you through the eyes of others, take that as a reflection of your own internal pain.

To the extent that you feel guilt, shame or any other feeling of dis-ease, be aware of where that is coming from.

Generally, it means that you have not forgiven yourself for something or some aspect.  When you do, you will no longer see the reflections of your guilt and shame because there will be nothing to reflect back to you but the love that you are.

So, take up this daily mantra:

“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”  Repeat silently to yourself, while knowing your Truth, until you truly feel it in your soul.

4.       Follow Your Soul’s Calling

Above all, keep moving forward and shining your light.  It is your purpose to shine the truth of your being.  You are a living expression of God and your true purpose has nothing to do with your work or what you DO on a daily basis and everything to do with who you are BEING in every moment.

Recognize each challenge as another opportunity to be more of who you are in every moment, not less.   Every moment is an opportunity to become more rooted in the awareness of your true nature and your core values.

This is your chance to step forward in the awareness that you are love and it’s all perfect.

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