Yesterday was one of those days.

I missed both coaching calls, ate terribly and didn’t get to exercise.

I do have some good excuses – we were traveling back from Denver, my daughter got the flu and I had to hire a new nanny for my kids right quick.

So, I’m trying not to be too hard on myself.

But, I AM a perfectionist, so it’s tough.

Plus, I thought I had a manager all lined up who was going to make my reality show a reality and we were scheduled to meet on Thursday and then she called to say she’s too booked to meet.

Boo. Super bummed. AND trusting that all is happening exactly as it’s supposed to and that when it’s time for me to have a TV show, I will.  Of course there’s that part of me that says, “what if that’s never?” and then I get super sad.

The ups and the downs. Part of life.

Fortunately, there’s lots of ups too.

* We have an amazing group of lawyers joining the Personal Family Lawyer program during our recent open enrollment period.

* After being told I couldn’t live tweet the Sunday service at Agape any longer, I talked to the Rev today and not only do I get to live Tweet, but I’m going to be coaching the Agape public relations gal to create a strategic vision and systems around getting the Agape message out to the world. What a blessing!

* We found the most amazing new nanny who literally has all of the qualities I requested on my nanny attraction list. And I got clear that I don’t want her to worry about cooking, cleaning or grocery shopping. Her one and only job is to give my kids attention and presence. That feels really good.  No worries that I’ll be cooking, shopping and cleaning while she’s with the kids! My ex is stepping up to do the shopping and cooking and my housekeeper does a great job cleaning.

I’m amazed at the energy shift that’s happened since my old nanny is out of the picture.  I didn’t realize how much she was dragging down the energy in the house.

* Last night, we instituted a new system in our house using chips so that the kids can experience the consequences of their actions without rewards or punishment. More about that later.

* Last, but far from least, I’m getting ready to go to Hawaii for a week with my honey for a MUCH needed vacation and a mastermind meeting.

So, overall, it’s all good.   But, lots of ups and downs along the way.

Photo Credit: Kworfeldein

I’m here in Longmont, Colorado (outside of Boulder) at my girlfriend Martha’s house.

Martha is one of the girlfriends I talked about several weeks ago.  Like Martha, her house is absolutely beautiful and even with 8 kids here somehow it manages to seem hardly messy at all.

Martha’s in law school at University of Denver, studying for her last final and working on a domestic violence case for which she is guardian ad litem.  She’s handling all of it with far more poise and calm than I would have when I was in law school.

While I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by the food and exercise commitments I’ve made, they are eased by being with my girlfriends who know how to do things like make salads and healthy meals (these are things that boggle my mind!) and make sure I’m adequately fed.

So much great stuff happened yesterday, that I’m not even sure where to start.  I’m definitely shifting a whole lot of energy as part of the 40 Days and Nights Program with Kristin and David Morelli.

Okay, so let’s start with the email I received from my nanny.

As you’ll recall, we’ve been having some challenges in this area.  Notably, my daughter has been telling me for a long while that she just doesn’t like the nanny and I had decided to make a switch, realizing that truthfully I haven’t been getting my needs met either.

Truth be told, we all knew 6 months ago that it wasn’t working, but I kept trying to make it work because my mind told me it was easier to stick with what I had than to start the whole process of finding someone new again.

How often have you done that? With relationships?  And employees? With houses and offices.  Of course, we all do!

Our minds trick us in this way.  Because the truth is, you know when you are merely tolerating something and when you really LOVE something.  Right?

Far too many of us are merely tolerating.

Side note:  At Ali Brown’s Platinum Mastermind meeting, she walked us through a release of tolerations exercise and this is when I started to get really clear about how I was holding back the joy I could have in my life by holding on to things I was merely tolerating and didn’t really love.

So, anyway, I’ve been tolerating the nanny.  I could tell she wasn’t happy working for us, but I could also feel she was trying to make it work.

Well, the whole truth about how unhappy she really is came out last night and boy was it a doozy.  She wrote me an email that can only be called a crucifixion!

Before I left for Colorado, I let her know how unhappy I was about her energy in the house.  I was no longer willing to tolerate it and if she was going to be with us another 6 weeks, I needed it to be different.

What I heard from our discussion is that it couldn’t be different.  I got that she was doing the best she could.

I also became strongly aware that it just wasn’t good enough and I was done compromising.  I told her I’d begin looking for someone else right away instead of trying to stick it out another 6 weeks.  What I didn’t know then is how quickly I’d have to find that someone else!

Part of our meditation in the 40days program was to really take a look at the people closest to us in our life.  Energy is contagious.

And the energy my nanny was putting out was clearly rubbing off on me.  It wasn’t something I could tolerate any longer.

Well, the Universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, my ex-husband had an incident with a friend of the nanny’s who was doing her homework in my living room after he had specifically told the nanny he didn’t want anyone at the house while we were away.  (In case you didn’t know, my ex-husband lives in the garage apartment behind our house).  Basically, he told her she had to leave.

This incident apparently triggered a lot of emotions for my nanny and she wrote me a scathing email.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say she ripped me apart as a mother and a business woman, totally judged my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my ex, and pretty much everything else about me. Ouch.

In the past, reading it I would have been outraged and hurt.

But, this time, I wasn’t.  I was grateful for her email.  Sure, it was painful to read some of what she wrote.   Much if tapped right into the guilt feelings I carry around as a mom entrepreneur trying to have it all and do it all.

Mostly I was grateful though because these are longheld feelings that she’s been stuffing down to try and make it work.  And it was these feelings that my kids felt and the reason they didn’t like her.  And it was these feelings that were seeping negative energy into our house.

So, I thanked her for her thoughts and told her that not only did she not have to live up to her commitment to give us 4 weeks notice, but that she wouldn’t have to spend another day caring for my kids.  I definitely don’t want her around my kids feeling like she does about me and my family and my way of parenting!

So, I’m going to figure it out – somehow.  I know God will provide all the support I need.  And even though I’m going on a week long vacation without my kids and leaving a week from Monday (!) I know it’ll all work out a-ok!

In the meantime, take a look at who’s living in your house, both figuratively and literally.  You are a reflection of the people who are closest to you.  What energies are they putting out?  What energy are you tolerating around you?  You don’t have to do it anymore.  Focus on raising your energy and watch how the people who can’t match that energy one by one drop away.

Side note #2: this process has been an ongoing process for me since my divorce and what I’ve learned is that as I raise my energy, people have dropped away.  Back in the beginning when that happened, I thought it was permanent.  That anyone who dropped away would be gone forever.  I’ve come to know that’s not true.  As an example, my ex-husband dropped away until he could raise his energy vibration to a point where we could be around each other again and now we have an amazing, supportive, loving relationship.  So, don’t worry too much about losing people who are really important to you as you raise your own energetic vibration.  If they are supposed to be in your life, they will come back when they are ready.

Okay, time to go play with the kids.  I didn’t even get a chance to tell you how in the midst of all this I manifested a Mercedes!  I’ll have to save that for later or tomorrow.  It’s an exciting story that really goes to show you how perfect it all really is when you open up to the possibilities.

Oh, and how I taught my son that people like to be around friendly, easy-going, fun people and that’s okay to be angry, pissed off and frustrated, but that it’s probably a good idea to take quiet time alone when you feel that way because people don’t really enjoy being around angry, frustrated pissed off people.  More on that another time too.

Photo credit: Makani5

During the next 40 days, I’m revamping just about everything.  When I say everything, you may wonder what everything really means.

Here’s my list:

1.  Help at home:

My nanny is leaving and I’ll be bringing in one or two new people to replace her.  Dave says one person can do it all.  I have my doubts.  In another post, I’ll share all I need help with at home.  It’s a lot and I’m excited (and scared too) to bring some new energies into my life.

2.  Dog:

I adopted a dog about 4 months ago and he’s got some behavioral issues that I’m done tolerating.  We’ve worked with a trainer, but that didn’t really work, so thanks to my friend and mastermind partner Regina, I’ve hired Brandon Fouche, a dog behaviorist.  We worked together by phone last night and today and I’m already seeing a big difference.  One of these days, I’ll write about how this dog has taught me something big about boundaries.

3.  Overall physical health:

While my physical health is great, my mental health is not so good.  Plus, I’d love to drop about 15 pounds of fat I’m still carrying from my pregnancy days (6 years ago now!) and put on some nice lean muscle.  This will be my biggest challenge.

4. Preparing my mind and my company to go huge:

My company is rockin’ it.  We have more lawyers than ever ready to transform from ordinary lawyers into lawyers that guide their clients through a lifetime of good decisions.  I’m ready to take things to the next level in a big way.

So, lots of change planned for my life over the next 40 days.  Already, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I’m working with JJ Virgin on the physical side of things and that’s requiring me to be far more conscious about my food choices.  I already feel like I messed up today by starting with a Myoplex shake, which I now know is a big no-no because of the artificial sweeteners.  And for lunch, I grabbed a couple of scoops of tuna fish and a slice of cheese.  I’ve got to get a plan in place because this is clearly not going to work.  I’m thinking food delivery.

On the help at home front, I’ve started a list of exactly what I’m looking for and attracted a couple of people to me already, but neither of them seems exactly right.  So, I’ll keep working on my list with the intention to meet some folks in person next week after my trip to Colorado.

On the dog front, he’s now scared of me.  I guess this is the first step.  It’s not my preferred method of being in the world, but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I either need to dominate my dog and get control or I’m going to have to give him up.  I can’t risk him biting one of my kids or their friends. So, I’m going to try the former.

I attended the first of David and Kristin Morelli’s coaching calls last night and tried to get on this morning only to find that this morning’s call had been scheduled in my calendar wrong.  Immediate frustration.  But, instead of giving up, I found the replay, listened and did the meditation.  There’s a lot of visualization, which is difficult for me, but I’m not giving up.

So, that’s day 1.  I’ll keep ya posted.

Photo Credit: Cambodia4kidsorg