My first year there without the kids and up until a couple of months before I thought I was going to Burning Man to party it up.  To revel in the shadow.

And then I met Russell.  Well, I didn’t just meet him; we’ve known each other for a few years.   But, I just met him in a new way a couple months ago after Dave and I broke up.

Oddly enough, we had all been at Burning Man together two years ago – me, my kids, my ex-husband Todd, Dave, and Russell.  Back then, I thought Russell was a nice guy and all, but not for me.

I mean he plays an instrument called the didgeridoo for God’s sake.  (Now, I see what an incredible instrument of healing it is; but then, I just thought it was weird.)

Anyway, I went to Burning Man with Russell and I wasn’t feeling trust.  I was feeling tense.

I felt as if I wouldn’t have enough.  My body felt like it was in survival mode, preparing for a week in the desert with only what I could carry on my back.  Oh right, it was doing that.

I was worried about running out of food.  I was worried about not being able to be my fully expressed self.  I was worried about Russell holding me back. What it would be like at camp – this year we were camping with people I highly respected in the business community – Joe Polish, Eben Pagan, Bryan Franklin, Cameron Herold, Michael Ellsberg, Lisa and Michael Sasevich – and I was worried about that too.

And as we got closer my intention began to seep in.  Deep abiding trust.  What would happen if I just stopped worrying?  If I let go and really trusted completely?

So I did.

And guess what?  Shit still happened.

We got to Burning Man late Monday night, scoped out what we thought was the PRIMO spot, parked and went to sleep.

We awoke in the morning to annoyed people wanting us to move the RV.  I was immediately tense and on-guard.

Thank God Russell is a modern day shaman and within minutes he brought me to clarity,  presence and back to deep abiding trust.

As we moved our RV we discovered that our camp had saved us an even better spot than the one we scoped out and it all worked out perfectly.  Until we went to plug the RV into the bio-diesel-fueled generators our camp had running.

I was back in the bedroom and heard a big POP.  I looked around the door and there was smoke pouring out of the refrigerator vent.  Uh-oh, that’s NOT something you want to see on the first day of Burning Man.

Within minutes it was clear that we had no air-conditioning, no refrigerator, no water pump and no lights.

Really uh-oh.

But not really uh-oh.  I saw it so clearly.  An opportunity to practice my intention.  Deep abiding trust.  And I did.

Miraculously two men appeared, Eric and Jeff, our saviors.  They spent the entire day and much of the next several days ensuring our RV had as much services as possible.

They managed to get us back to water pump, refrigeration, and lights for most of the time we were there (just a few hours the first and second day without).

And we lived without the AC (the weather was just perfect for that this year – no duststorms all week until Saturday and not too hot at all).

It all unfolded perfectly.  As it always does when we trust.

The first couple of days there we didn’t leave the RV much.  We spent a lot of time sleeping and loving and just being together without a timeline.  And it was great.  Just what I needed.  I didn’t mind a bit that I wasn’t out partying.

Shocking.  Deep abiding trust.

On our second night at the Burn, we woke up at 3am, spent about 2 hours getting ready to go out (because that’s just inevitably what it takes on the playa), getting our bikes lit (and by the time that happened it was of course light out), and we headed out onto the playa.

We biked out to the Temple.

Now, before I tell you what happened.  I have to tell you this – 2 days before Burning Man I saw a dress in a store in Boulder and thought “I’m marrying Russell in that dress” and bought it and brought it with me to Burning Man.

That morning at the Temple, he asked me to marry him.

And I said yes!

Within a few hours, an engagement ceremony had been suggested, which then quickly turned into a wedding ceremony.

And in the most extreme practice of my intention of deep abiding trust, we got married surrounded by our beautiful, supportive, loving Burning Man community.

Two of my best girlfriends Joanne and Lisa were there and two new sisters Meghna and Kamala.  I felt so deeply loved and held and supported.

Hitch walked me down the aisle.  And led by one of Russell’s dear spirit brother’s Scott, surrounded by our sweet Burning Man community, we wed.

We wed!  Married.

O.M.G.!

What does this mean?  How will we tell our families? How will I tell Dave?  Todd?  THE KIDS??? You.

And Russell loved me through it, my fear.  He has showed me how to be with my truth in the boldest of ways.  How to say yes to my yes and yes to my no.  How to know the difference.

He has shown me how to let go of “what will people think” and start living the life I really want.

How to feel into my heart to determine what’s real for me.

How to get beyond doing things because I want to look good, get a certain kind of attention or be thought of in a specific way.

He helped me see my fears of not having enough food, not being able to be myself, being held back and all the others came from a feeling that I wasn’t enough.

As I “burned” (through those fears), he helped me see that who I am is enough – just as I am, without needing to do anything – ahhhh.  Really? I can just be who I am and that is enough?

He has guided me to integrate this awakening that began a few years ago and has been bubbling up under my skin so that it has felt uncomfortable when I’ve been anything less than my full self.

Integration.  Deep abiding trust.  Letting go.  Living my truth.  Without shame.

Since I met Russell a few years ago, his number has been in my phone under the name Russell Love.  Now I know why.  Meet my husband.

Deep abiding trust and building an extraordinary life … we’re going for it!

In just two days, I leave for my third year on the Playa.  This year, will be a whole lot different for me than past years.

To begin with, this is the first year I’m not bringing my kids to Burning Man!

And instead of camping in Kidsville, I’ll be in one of the major theme camps, Entheon, which means I don’t have to worry about food, water, or most of the things I’d have spent a couple of weeks preparing for in past years.

Instead of driving up in an RV from LA, which invariably has been a major experience in and of itself (last year our RV broke down on the way), I’ll be flying into Reno, picking up the RV there and driving a couple of hours instead of a couple days.

Yes, this year is about ease and grace, effortlessness, harmony and as always at Burning Man … freedom.

For me, Burning Man isn’t just about nudity, drugs and a week long party, it’s about living in community, being fully who you are, and discovering how to truly, really, extraordinarily love what is.

Sure, I could take the money I’m spending to get to Burning Man and take a trip to Hawaii (or maybe even Bali) and lounge on the beach for a couple of weeks instead, but I’m an evolutionary girl and to me there’s no better opportunity to grow, learn and evolve then to head out into the desert for a week with some of my closest friends.

If you’re going to be there, come see me at Entheon.

I’m speaking on Thursday in the Entheon Heart Space between 12:30p-3:30p on Loving Conflict w/in Community at the Entheon Village Symposium.

Here’s what I’ll be talking about:

We’ve been conditioned to handle conflict by closing our hearts and fighting back.  Our legal shows on television, our legal system and our lawyers perpetuate this way of being in the world.  Our friends and family entrench it even more when we tell them our stories of conflict and they say things like “don’t let him get away with that” or “take her for everything she’s worth” or “don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.”

Peace can never be had from this perspective. Instead, we can see every conflict as the opportunity to be more of who we really are.

This session will guide you to find harmony in the midst of conflict and truly be a catalyst for world peace now.

If I don’t see you there, no worries, I’ll be back with pictures and stories galore.  Can’t wait to share them with you!

So, I’d love to hear from you … what experiences do you have planned in the next few months to bring you more self-discovery, freedom and closer to the truth of who you really are?

My honey is waiting for me to come to bed, but I wanted to let you know that I shared some of the learnings I gained on my last Play a Bigger Game NOW call.

When you subscribe to my Facebook fan page (wish it was called something else), you get those calls each month for free and can get access to the archived calls as well.

So, jump on over to my page, click the “become a fan” button and then go check your updates tab for the deets on how to access the calls.

If you already are a fan, go check out your updates tab now.  The info on how to get the recordings and listen in on future calls is there.

[8/27/2010 UPDATE:  You can now get all of the 2009 Play a Bigger Game calls for FREE when you subscribe to this blog. They are part of the Life & Business Growth Kit up there in the upper right hand corner.]

I’ll have some photos posted soon, but for now on the fan page you can see one with me and my partners in fun, my private coaching client and very close friend Max Simon and one of his clients and now another great friend, Aaron Ross.

When our RV broke down on the way to Burning Man we had to use all of our manifestation skills to make it to the event by Monday.  And we did it!  You’ll absolutely want to hear how because what we did can be used anytime you confront a massive roadblock in your life or your business.

It really works whether you are trying to get to Burning Man or trying to build a million dollar company or trying to get your kids to do what you want them to do.  I share the specifics on my Play a Bigger Game call, get it on the fan page.

PS – while everyone else’s kids are back to school, mine are not.  Yep, we are officially homeschooling.   And maybe even unschooling.  The whole things is quite scary, but I’m being afraid and doing it anyway.  I hope you are doing that in your life a few places too.  It’s where the growth happens.  Ciao for now.

PPS – one lesson I didn’t talk about on the Play a Bigger Game Now call this month, but I will next month is that Burning Man teaches you how to be radically okay with whoever you are and however you show up in the world.  When you can really do this, life becomes truly exciting and joyful.

It’s a great kick off to the year of homeschooling the kids.  Burning Man is the best place to begin the kids education in life.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

My boyfriend lives in Atlanta, where he has two kids of his own.

Fortunately, his business is run from his laptop, which means he can come out to stay with me every other week.  But, he also has a business partner in Richmond he has to go see at least once a month.

Plus, both of us run coaching groups.  Mine are for lawyers who want to  serve their clients in a more holistic, caring way, while they make more money and work less.  His are for business owners and professionals who have something to say and want to make money with their message.

Not to mention, as of right now, I’m speaking at three events next year, attending a training to become certified in helping people discover their passions, beginning a course with Reverend Michael at my Church, hosting my own marketing event, writing my second book, attending three live events with my new mentor, and continuing to pitch (or maybe begin?) my television show.

Oh, and of course, taking care of the kids and running my businesses.  AND, perhaps most exciting of all, launching a new business for millionaire mom entrepreneurs or those who want to be.  More on that one soon.

And, of course we will be taking some vacations – on the schedule already we’ve got Mammoth in early February to ski, Chicago over the summer (I know, not the best time of the year), and of course Burning Man!

Whew, what a year!

This kind of a year doesn’t happen without some serious planning.

So, Dave and I spent the entire day yesterday plotting it all out on big fold out calendars from Franklin Covey.

The cool thing is that even with all of that happening, I can feel I’ll have plenty of time and space for myself, to deepen my spiritual practices, to do yoga and pilates, and to spend time alone.

How is that?

It’s all about choices.  I choose to fill my life with things that inspire me, excite me, and fill me with more energy.   And, I let go of all the rest.  Amazingly, the more I do that, the more I find room for more of what I love and supports my highest purpose.

Had we left at 7p on Sunday night (before the Temple burn), we would have sat in traffic for at least 3 hours and possibly longer because lots of other people had that same idea. Then, we could have gotten stuck in the traffic caused by fires in Sacramento and possibly arrived home about 18 hours later at around 1p on Monday. That would have been right in the middle of the Hermosa Beach Labor Day beach festival and finding parking would have been a massive, stressful challenge.

While I thought I wanted to leave at 7p, the Universe knew what I really needed and put up one barrier after another that kept us from leaving until 9:30a on Monday morning and not arriving back to Los Angeles until 6a on Tuesday morning. We had started packing to leave on Sunday around 10a, so it felt like 3 days of traveling. But, it turned out perfect.

There was no traffic at all for the 2nd half of the trip. I got home and my assistant Corey came over a few hours later and began unloading so that by the time I woke up at 10am from my nap, he already had half the RV cleaned out. That couldn’t have happened on Monday because it was Labor Day and he was off. Plus, the RV owner is so cool, I’m not even getting charged for the extra day.

That’s how the Playa is. It’s how life is.

There were many things that occurred throughout the trip, which I wouldn’t have chosen, if given the choice and yet each of them preceded the most amazing experiences that followed, which led me to this perfect moment wiser and less in fear than before.

The more I can surrender into the unexpected, the more easily I can get to where I’m going, which always turns out to be where I wanted to go.

That’s not to stay to not plan and just go with the flow by any means. Knowing what you want and writing that down (otherwise known as planning) is one of the best ways I know of to enjoy the journey with the least amount of drama and pain possible. Plus, once you’ve gotten that clarity of desire in your mind, you’ve got to be willing to try every path to get there and let go of your insistence on how it happen. Just trust in God and know that it will.

You can go with the flow with singled minded focus on the end and surrender to what happens between where you are and where you want to go.

At the end of the day, I’m sitting here and in this moment everyone is perfect. The RV has been cleaned and picked up. I’ve gotten through about half my emails. I’m chilling on the couch with my honey. And I’m going to take advantage of the TV being out to go to bed with him now.

See you in about 10 days. In the meantime, enjoy this cool voodoo from my magic man, Dave Dee!

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1276009202246602150]

I will have a 31′ RV, but don’t want to run the generator all that often, if possible.

So, what would you bring?  Leave your comments here before Saturday so I can finalize my shopping list.

Gone Nanny Gone is a new post on the LA Moms Blog by new to the blog Elizabeth. Welcome Elizabeth! So, I’m dying to know how you are going to survive without your nanny. Do you have someone else lined up and how’d you find her.

I don’t know what I’d do without my nanny. I kick myself now for denying myself (and my kids) for so long the gift of another woman who can mother them when I’ve reached the end of my mothering rope!

Kelsey’s only been with us a couple of months, but she is so part of the family. And, I’d be devastated to see her go. She was even helping me pick out my burning mans costumes tonight and took pictures of me in my  get up. The girl gets me!

And, best of all, she’s a Christian girl who graduated from Biola.  She’s got a lot of love in her heart, she’s open-minded, free of judgment and loves Jesus.

Here’s some of what I bought to fill out the costume, which currently includes: the boots and the goggles, which you can remind yourself about here.

Now, we’ll add some fuzzy, furry leg warmers, a purple vinyl skirt and fishnet stockings. That’s complete outfit #1. Cool, right? Here’s a picture of the fuzzy, furry leg warmers.  FUN!!