When I first started out in business, I felt lost.

I had an idea.  A way I could help people.  A family to support.

I thought if I could just combine those three things in a way that made sense, I’d be golden.

With that limited vision, in August 2003 I set out on the entrepreneurial journey.

Looking back now, with the benefit of  years of experience and several businesses under my belt, I can see how helpful it would have been for me to have a bigger picture vision right from the beginning.

I would have experienced so much less frustration, stress and worry if I could have known where I was in the grand scheme of things, where I was trying to go and how to know when I got there.

But, back then I didn’t necessarily even know there was a there.  And I certainly had no idea where it was.

Now that I’ve walked the entrepreneurial path for several years (and gotten waylaid a few times) I can see the outlines of a map that I’d now like to share with you.

Had I seen it at the beginning, my journey may have been less frustrating.

If you are in the midst of building a business (or a practice) that you want to be able to count on, that you want to know makes a difference in the world and makes plenty of money, this map will help.

I’m sure you’ve heard people say “make your choices from where you want to be, not from where you are” and while I agree with this wisdom, I also know it’s critically important for you to be fully grounded in the reality of where you are or the decisions you make from where you want to be will be filled with angst and pressure.

Freedom in life and business means being able to rest in the present while taking daily action to move forward without angst or pressure.

With that in mind, accept the reality of where you are and don’t give up.

Here are the three stages you must move through if you want to build a sustainable, meaningful business that will make a significant impact in the world.

Stage 1: The True Solo

Stage 1 is all about brand new-ness. It’s about the idea, the vision, and just getting started and getting it done. It’s about figuring out the revenue model (where the money comes from) and getting on the road to freedom.

Generally speaking, you are probably working alone or with a partner. There is no team support or perhaps one person helping you out on a part time basis. There are no systems. And probably just one revenue stream, which will be your main product or service offering.

Some businesses (primarily those called “practices”) may remain in Stage 1 indefinitely. Owners stuck at Stage 1 may feel frustrated, tired (or exhausted), and as if they are not making as much of an impact as they’d like.

Stage 2: The Enterprising Entrepreneur

When you get tired of doing it all alone, you’ll bring on some team. That’s one of the major signs you’ve made it beyond Stage 1.

You’ll also begin to realize that there’s a pattern to what you do and how you do it.  Yep, you’ve got systems and processes.

You are still working pretty hard, but you are spending more time working on your business than in your business.  And you may begin to explore and implement additional revenue streams.

Financially, you are doing okay.  You know how you make money in your business and you are constantly surprised by how much money it takes to make money.  You’d probably like to keep a bit more than you are.

While you have a team, you are the one managing that team, for the most part.  You dream of the day you get to spend all your time doing the parts of your business you really love and let go of the rest.

Stage 3: The Empire/Legacy Builder

At Stage 3, your work can continue on without you.  You’ve very likely got multiple consistent revenue streams within the company and you spend your time working either on the business or in the business, but not both.

If you got sick, took a long vacation or the long permanent vacation, your business would continue.

You’ve got documented systems and process, a phenomenal team, and other leaders in the company besides just yourself.

The transition from Stage 2 to Stage 3 will be harder than you expect, at least that’s my current experience.  I’ll update you if that changes.

And if you try to make this transition too quickly, the whole thing will blow up in your face.  I have direct experience with that from my attempt to transition out of my first business completely too quickly and without the right team in place.

Until your business is sold and under phenomenal new management that you totally trust, expect to be involved.  You may have some passive revenue streams via real estate or investments and your business may have some passive revenue streams as part of its revenue model, but don’t expect your business to provide you with passive revenue as long as you still own it.

No matter where you are today and how far it seems you have to go on the journey, if you are in business for yourself, stop for a minute and celebrate.

You are working for yourself.  You are in control of your destiny.  You are on the road to freedom.

My life is turning upside down.  I’m on the razor’s edge of exhilarated and scared to death. And I freakin’ love it.  Why would I love to live on the razor’s edge?  Because …

We are here to feel.

Ten years ago I stopped feeling in the name of security and comfort. Once I woke up from the numbness, I swore I’d never be okay with that again.

I made a promise to myself. Numb will not be my way of being even when it feels like the safest way to be.

I  insist on feeling no matter what and will not settle for any situation that requires me to hold myself in or shut down.

Being conscious requires feeling.  It requires connection to and awareness of self.   When I’m numb, I’m lost.

Can you feel it?

What brings me that feeling of aliveness is transformation. Change.

And I’m in the midst of it now.

Six weeks ago, I moved from Los Angeles to Colorado.

In just a few days, my online home will be moved as well. The Intrepid Mompreneur blog will transform into a new blog … Life, Business & The Pursuit of Truth.

Here’s a picture of the IM blog in its current state as I write this so when you are reading this post a few weeks from now, you’ll have a point of comparison.

The nature of my relationship with Dave is changing.

My business is transforming.

Everything. Is. Changing.

Friday night at the mastermind Dave and I were leading, I had a session with Tim Kelley, one of my coaches. (If you get a chance to work with Tim, take it – his process is amazing.)

Afterward, I felt this tingling aliveness (and also quite a bit of fear) as I saw that within 6 months every single thing in my life could be 180 degrees different.

I want to talk about all of it here, publicly, for all of you to read and see.

But before I do, Dave reminds me to examine that desire. Is it from a place of truth or conditioning?  What is the motivation behind it?

Do you share all your stuff publicly as it’s happening? Or do you wait until it’s complete?  If you do, do you know what your motivation is? Does it matter?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

You know how it is when you see someone every day and they look the same to you from one day to the next, but then you are apart for a week and suddenly the next time you see them, you notice they’ve grown or aged or lost weight or gained weight?

We are a lot like that with ourselves.  It’s hard to tell from one day or month or year to the next how much progress we are making.  And most of us are so focused on how far we have to go that we completely lose sight of how far we’ve come.

One of the best parts about blogging is being able to look back and become aware of the evolution.

Tonight, as I write this blog post on the eve of Thanksgiving, I’ve done just that.  I vaguely recalled being in a different emotional space last Thanksgiving, but couldn’t remember exactly what that space was.  Looking back to my blog post from last Thanksgiving, the emotions of where I was then have come flooding back in.

And along with them the awareness that a major shift has happened in my own consciousness regarding gratitude.  A shift that you can make here and now without waiting another year.

Last year, I didn’t know how to be grateful for EVERYthing.  My gratitude was conditional on the “good” things.  I even shared a gratitude exercise that helped me connect with all the good things happening in my life.

Here’s the big, exciting shift … you can be in extreme, deep gratitude even (especially) for the experiences you are having in your life that no one would call good.  And that’s something huge to realize as we move through a global shift that is impacting the economy, our weather patterns, and our old traditions.

With this shift is coming a lot of experiences that no one would call good – economic collapse of families, increase in bankruptcies, foreclosures, divorces, and a loss of jobs across the board.

What I’ve discovered is that it’s possible to find gratitude, even in these things.  And that’s where the real power is in your business and your life.

When you can find the gratitude even in the tragedy,  the heartache, and the pain, you have freedom.

So many of us claim freedom as one of our highest values and yet we are seeking it through on the exact things that will keep us in bondage.  More money, more time, more, more, more …

More is not where freedom comes from at all.  Freedom has nothing to do with the external circumstances of time, money or our work.

Freedom comes when you can be truly, deeply grateful for whatever is happening in your life right now.  Whatever is happening.  All. of. it.

To show you how serious I am about this.  Here are a few things I’m grateful for this year that I might not have been before I understand that gratitude for EVERYthing is the secret to true freedom.

The summer before last, my ex-husband got a DUI.  With our kids in the car.  You would think I’d be pissed, right?  Actually, I was grateful. GRATEFUL?!?  What?  You might be thinking (or even saying right now).

But, really I was.

For the 6 months before the DUI happened, I had been wondering fairly consistently “should I try to take full custody of the kids?” I really, really, really didn’t want to have to go there.  I knew it could mean a protracted court battle and I wasn’t willing to subject my kids to that. Plus, I wanted them to have a relationship with their dad.  And, frankly, I was working a lot and having them with him half the time worked for me from a business perspective. (It’s hard to admit that last part, but it is true).

I had been in Orlando teaching Personal Family Lawyers for a few days and flew to Virginia to speak to another group of lawyers about building a law business on a new model.  When I landed that morning, there was a message from my sister-in-law telling me everything was okay, but to call her as soon as possible.

That’s never a good sign.

When I called, she let me know that she had my kids.  My ex-husband (her brother) had been arrested for DUI with the kids in the car.

After I got over the initial shock, I felt an odd sense of calm.  My question had been answered.  I would have full custody of the kids and there would be no custody fight.  I didn’t know what else would happen.  But, I did know that.  And I was grateful.

As a result of my gratitude, I was able to respond to the situation in a way that resulted in the near complete healing of my relationship with my ex-husband.

Had I not been able to see the blessing in the situation, I would have been outraged, enraged, and in rage.  The ramifications of that would have been enormous for my family.  Perhaps my children would have been alienated from their dad.  Maybe he would have made it difficult for me to obtain custody of the kids.  Whatever it would have been, it would have been painful.

But, it wasn’t painful. Well, it’s been painful for my ex-husband.  He lost his license and his house and has been staying in a room above my garage while he gets back on his feet.  Even in that though, there’s freedom.

He’s finally found his passion and begun pursuing it.  He no longer feels as if he can’t be truthful or hide what he really wants.  We can have the hard conversations without too much drama.  And, of course, the kids absolutely love having him around.

So, that’s one thing.

Another thing like that is the circumstances that led to me closing my law firm.  My firm generated more than a million bucks in 2006 and 2007.  In 2008, I sold the firm to another lawyer so I could focus my attention on helping more people.

I sold it with the belief that he would take great care of my clients at the standards I had created and continue to build upon the foundation I had laid.

That’s not what happened though.

Within a few months, I began to see signs that he wasn’t handling things the way I did or would have.  I tried to ignore them and pretend it would get better.  It didn’t.  Within 6 months, he had stopped paying the bills.

It had been nearly a year since I’d seen new private clients, the firm had brought in nearly $700,000 for the year anyway, and I had to decide whether to come back in and take the reins at the firm again or close it down.

I decided to close it down and arrange for the Los Angeles area Personal Family Lawyers to service the ongoing needs of my clients.   An extremely painful, difficult decision to make.

That firm was my baby.  I had painstakingly designed the office.  Invested my heart and soul into it.  And it was still making great money.

But, I couldn’t trust that it would be run to the standards I set and so I had to let it go.  It cost me nearly three hundred thousand dollars to do it, not even counting the lost income I would have made if I would have kept the firm in the first place or kept it going.

What’s to be grateful for in that?

So much, it turns out.

As a result of my own experiences with building my law firm, selling it, and then closing it down, I learned a tremendous amount about the right way to set up a business and the wrong way, I got to see what it is that actually puts businesses out of business, and I gained confidence by seeing how hard it actually is to get to the point where a business cannot continue.

I also learned firsthand how important it is for entrepreneurs (especially those of us who identify as creative entrepreneurs) to understand legal, insurance, financial and tax issues.

It’s more than a little embarrassing that I had so many problems in these areas considering I’m a lawyer and I felt as if these were things I “should” have known about.

But I didn’t.  And my lack of knowledge cost me dearly.

And yet, I’m tremendously grateful for it because as a result I decided to learn everything I possibly could about legal, insurance, financial and tax and put all of that knowledge into a system for other entrepreneurs who, like me, are not good at those sorts of things.

This January, after nearly 9 months of intense effort, we will finally launch my LIFT Foundation System for business owners who are tired of wondering whether they have a solid foundation under their business, want to be able to count on their business surviving for the long haul no matter what happens, and are ready to cut through all the legal mumbo jumbo, hard pressure insurance and financial sales and want the straight truth on what is really needed to build a business the right way.

I never would have put this together had I not experienced a lawsuit myself without the proper insurance in place to cover it or made the mistakes I did when I sold my business.  Sure, I could beat myself up for those errors.   That would be normal, right?

But, I choose to be abnormal.  Instead, I’m grateful for these hard knocks.  Yes, they cost me a lot of money, but they taught me far more.  And now I get to teach it to you.

And to me, that’s what life’s all about folks.

This Thanksgiving season, do everything you can to find the blessing in each and everyone of the hardships you’ve experienced this year, this decade or this lifetime.

Write em’ down, thank God for them, and ask yourself how you can share the gift you’ve received from that challenging time in your life to make the world a better place.

Namaste.

Shine was a three-day event in Las Vegas.  The ticket price ranged from $997 for early bird tickets all the way up to $1497 right before the event.  If you stayed at the hotel, room rates ran $209/night.  Lots of women shared rooms (as many as three to a room).  I shared a room with my honey, Dave Dee.  Lots of people did not stay at the hotel, which I think was an error*, but in that case, room rates could have been as low as $50/night at other hotels.  Some women attended on scholarship, in which case they did not pay for their ticket.  Flights likely ran anywhere between $100-$250.  The networking party was$100.  And of course you had to feed yourself the three days of the event, which probably ran right around $500.

So, all in all, not an inexpensive weekend by any means.

Over and over again, I heard people asking … so, are you glad you came?

And the answers ran the gamut.  One of my coaching members absolutely loved the event.  For her, it was the first time she was ever in a room with so many women like her … moms in business who want more from life.  Just having that sense of “I’m not alone” made the trip totally worth it for her.

On the flip side, there were some who were in major complaint mode, feeling as if their expectations weren’t met.

And of course, there were as many responses in between.

So, was it worth it?

Here’s the deal … and it’s the exact same thing I’ll say regarding whether my diamond investment was worth it.  YOU determine whether it’s worth it.

Here’s what I mean:

Even if you didn’t love the content of the event (and I do acknowledge that for those of us who have been around the online world for a while, it was light), there was so much you could have gotten out of SHINE:

1.  Focus on the networking opportunities.

Ali Brown attracts the most amazing women to her events. Who cares about the content when you can spend all your time in the halls connecting with all your online friends, creating joint ventures, and intentionally spreading the word about your business.

2.  Watch what she is doing.

Ali is a master.  Sure, there were a few things I would have done differently at the event (for example Lynn Rose was a far superior emcee at OSBW last year than the guy Ali probably paid beacoup bucks for this year and Ali’s mentor Anne’s presentation was totally inappropriate to me on so many levels) but this was Ali’s very first SHINE and all in all it seemed to have the desired effect of inspiring women to step up to a new level of beingness in their life and business. Not to mention, I’m sure Ali filled her 2010 diamond coaching program (that’s a million dollar payday people!) and even if you don’t have any plans for anything like that, there’s a whole lot you can learn by watching her do it.

3.  Pay close attention to what’s coming up for you.

If you find yourself sitting in an event like Ali’s and judging it the entire time, you need to ask yourself what that’s about.  In my own experience, I’ve discovered it’s very likely a sign that I am jealous and want what I am judging or that I’m blocking some important self discovery for myself with my judgment.  When you find that happening for yourself, go within and ask yourself “what is here for me?” There are no accidents.  If you’ve spent hundreds or thousands of dollars to attend an event and taken time out of your life to get there, you are there for a reason.  If you spend the entire time in judgment, you will block your blessing.  Instead, ask to be shown and stay open for the answer.

Thinking about this, I remember back to the Dan Kennedy event I attended three years ago that changed my life.  After investing everything I had in learning from Dan by reading his books and buying his products and even hiring coaches who used his name in their marketing, I realized I was never going to get it without getting out of my comfort zone and flying to Cleveland to attend one of his events.  It was a $3,000 event and I’d have to be away from my kids and office for 5 days.  A HUGE investment for me at the time.

About half way through the event, I still had not figured out why I was there. I had been staying open, meeting everyone I could, soaking up every minute of the content.  The content was all the same stuff I had already learned from the books and products I had invested in and I hadn’t met anyone I thought could help me, but I stayed open.  And then, it hit me!  Everyone in attendance at the event who was successful doing what I wanted to do (move out of the 1-to-1 service delivery model and into a 1-to-many model of business) was in either Dan or Bill’s mastermind.  So, I decided then and there, that’s what I would do.  I’d get into one of their masterminds.  Of course, getting into Dan’s mastermind was impossible, I knew, so I thought I’d convince Bill to let me in.  Ha.  Looking back now I know how funny that thought was.  But, thank God for naivete’, right?

So, I go up to Bill at the next break and I say “Bill, I’m so close to making this information marketing thing work, I just need a little bit of help.  I want to join your mastermind.”  And, he looked down at me with laughter in his eyes and he said “Sorry, you can’t do it.  There’s simply no room.”  And just as I was about to say, “Ok, let me hire you then.” (I was truly desperate for help!)  He said “And, you can’t even hire me, I have absolutely no time.”  I was devastated.  I just knew it’s why I had come to Cleveland.  But, just then I heard a voice in my head and it said “don’t wimp out Alexis, you’ve come this far, ask him if he has any ideas for you.”  So I did.  I said, “Bill, do you have any other ideas for me?”  And it was this willingness to persevere and follow up even though I was embarrassed and judging myself and experiencing everything else that we do when we hear no that changed my life.

Bill pointed a couple of feet away to a man and said “go talk to him and see if he can help you.”  And I did.  That him turned out to be Dave Dee.  Within three months of meeting Dave, I had a $117,000 payday on a 67-minute teleseminar, turned that into a total of $200,000 of revenue over 6 weeks and turned that into a 7-figure plus business within a year.  Oh, and we fell in love.

None of that would have happened if I would have sat through that event in judgment about what I wasn’t getting or how much the content sucked.

So, if you did that this time, don’t do it next time.  And, if you did do it this time, it’s not too late for you to still get what you may have missed.  Sit down for some quiet focus time and ask yourself what you learned from being there … then write.

This got pretty long and I committed to myself to make my blog posts short and to the point, so I’ll be back in a few days to talk about my $100,000 investment in the diamond program and whether it was worth it.

This past weekend at Ali’s SHINE event, I sat on stage as part of Ali’s diamond success panel and couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as I thought about the past year and how happy I was to be sitting there as a symbol of hope for the hundreds of women in the audience.

Only a year ago, I was so confused about my identity.  Mommy blogger?  Lawyer?  TV personality?  Author?  CEO? Something else entirely that I couldn’t even see yet?

Today, I realize my identity is not what matters at all. (Anne McKevitt, Ali’s mentor, would surely disagree.  But, that’s a whole ‘nother long blog post.)

What matters is who and how I serve.

Here are a few more of the big awarenesses I’ve gained over the past year:

• For the first time in ten years, I have discovered that first and foremost, I want to be with my kids a whole lot more.  I realize that in many ways I’ve used my work as a way to escape from the pressures of motherhood. Today, I’m a homeschooling mom and I want to be the one to teach my children how to be in the world.
• Over the past year, I’ve discovered how to relax into my feminine energy much more deeply.  I can finally stop trying to make things happen and allow.
• I’ve learned to say no to myself and others.  My value no longer comes from all of the things I can do.  It comes from saying yes to what I love to do and letting go of everything else.  Even when that’s scarier than heck.
• I’ve learned to set boundaries with an open heart.  At our first diamond meeting in Phoenix last year, I was in the process of closing my law firm after having sold it to a man who ultimately could not fulfill on the commitments he had made.  The diamonds helped me to see that what I was experiencing was a reflection of my lack of clear boundaries.  And that boundaries didn’t have to mean what I thought they did.  I could set boundaries and keep my heart open at the same time.  What a revelation!
• I discovered that often the path to playing big requires me to think a whole lot smaller than I’m used to, at least temporarily.  That’s a whole blog post in itself to explain.
• I’ve learned to stop doing so much.  Looking back at what I was letting go of last year, I did it – I let go of so much:

1. I stopped trying to fit myself into a box;
2. I unfollowed everyone I was following on Twitter and now only follow people I want to connect with regularly;
3. I turned my email inbox over to my amazing assistant Michelle;
4. I no longer spend anytime on facebook looking up old highschool peeps;
5. The lawsuit has been long settled and the law firm itself has been closed for several months.

• And I recognize that I’m still doing too much.

Did I have to invest $100,000 to have these discoveries?  Apparently, I did.

Many people have asked me if the investment was worth it.  Before I answer the question, I’ll ask you.  Especially if you saw me at SHINE this weekend.

Does it seem like it was worth it?

Photo courtesy of Flickr

I believe my blog readers are the most intelligent, creative and business-savvy people on the web.

For that reason, I’m asking you to help me make an “executive decision” and choose a logo for my latest venture—LIFT.

• LIFT stands for Legal, Insurance, Financial and Tax. And the LIFT program will help micro business owners get excited about building their business with a LIFT Foundation.

• Millions of small business owners each year lose money or face serious setbacks in their businesses because of lawsuits, conflicts, audits, bookkeeping issues, unnecessary tax bills and having the wrong type and amount of insurance in place.

• Lack of knowledge about these issues personally cost me nearly $750,000.  Combine that with my law school and undergraduate education and I’ve got a million dollar education to share with you about these topics.

I’m really excited about the launch of LIFT, but of course I can go no further until this logo is chosen.

So here are your choices below (double- click on the image to enlarge it if you’re having a hard time viewing the designs):

Please leave me a comment letting me know your preferred font choice (each column has it’s own font) as well as your preferred color scheme (each row has it’s own color). Also, and this is very important, please let me know whether you are a current business owner or an aspiring business owner. And, of course, if you have any other thoughts/feelings, please let me know that too.

Based on your feedback I’ll make my final decision!  Thank you so much in advance.  I can’t wait to hear what you think.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

I’ve got a hot boyfriend who loves me and talking about business and growing spiritually and loves my kids to boot. I get to be on TV, write books, take classes at Agape and make a difference in the world.

And yet despite all the amazingness, I have periods (not necessarily short periods either) of some real unhappiness. Painful unhappiness.

Times when despite all of the great stuff happening in my life, all I can see are the not great things that are happening. Times of great frustration, annoyance, irritation, and even despair.

Can you relate?

I haven’t talked about this before because honestly I’ve felt shame about it. Plus, a part of me thought it was just the way things had to be while I was building my businesses and under a lot of stress to support my family. That it would go away when [fill in the blank].

But now, things are better than they’ve ever been and tons of the “whens” have happened that were supposed to clear the blues away and yet here they are – still present.

I’m not in financial fear any longer, I know I’m going to do all the things in my life that I want to do before I die, I have a strong connection with God, a great relationship with my ex and my kids are easier to be with than ever before.

Despite all that, the yuck within me is still here.

When I feel it, my habit has been to look for a reason and blame those around me. Used to be my husband. Then, it was my employees, my business, my mom. These days, it’s usually my boyfriend or my nanny because they are in my space the most. I’d blame the kids, if I could, but I already feel enough guilt as a working mom that I can’t saddle them with blame too.

I suspect by now you are probably somewhat shocked. I come across publicly as one of the happiest people you know.

Very few people would ever know I experience this yuckiness. I’m the poster child for happiness. I was even the butt of a joke on Twitter when some guy said I’d be a-okay if only I had some downers. [ed. note: I don't think that was the joke exactly and I can't find it, but it was funny and you get the point]

I even hid this side of me from my boyfriend for the first several months we were together. Not intentionally. But, I was just so warm and bubbly all the time back when we were first meeting. At least when he was around. I kept telling him there was this other side of me. But, he never saw it.

He’s seen it now though. And, it isn’t pretty.

It’s not like I’m a mega-bitch or anything. At least, I don’t think so. It’s more like I’m hyper-focused on work and cold. Inside, I feel numb. I don’t want to snuggle, or have sex, or go dancing, or do tantra or exercise. I want to talk about work and only work and sit in front of my computer and clear out my inbox.

My mind tells me I’ll relax and have fun later. Later never comes. Or if it does, it’s spread out quarterly. Binge relaxation, I call it. It’s about as healthy as every other kind of bingeing.

From a business perspective, I’m most productive during these periods of yuck. At least that’s what my mind tells me. New businesses are created, new websites launched, new products brainstormed, new books written. And so much gets done.

After each launch, I promise myself I’ll rest. But then more ideas come. And I get busy again.

I can’t live like this anymore. I deserve better.

Fortunately, I know what the answer is and it’s not more money and it’s not more theory and it’s not more information or education or affirmations.

It’s time for serious self-discipline. I’m no longer willing to settle for a life of unpredictable mood swings. I’ve allowed a belief system to be created in my mind that says I am at the mercy of my moods. In order to experience the highs, I had to experience the lows.

It’s just the way life is, I had convinced myself.  LIE.

I’ve been tolerating these lows in my life since I was a teenager, placing blame instead of taking responsibility for them and doing something about it.

I CAN experience a life in which I feel joy bubbling up on a consistent basis no matter what the external circumstances of my life look like and the shadow becomes what’s fleeting.

For that to happen, I have to abandon the thoughts that I’ll relax and have fun and be happy when we go to Hawaii. I have to take full responsibility for my well-being now and accept that if I can’t be happy now, I never will be. Not in Hawaii. Not after the next launch. Not never. The time is NOW. There is no other time besides now. This is what Eckhart Tolle has been trying to tell me for years.

It’s taken me a long while to get it and really understand his message, bodily. I do now. Fortunately, I also know exactly what I need to do and it’s not going to be easy.

I need to give myself what I’ve been craving more than anything else and is in the most limited of supply – me.

What does giving myself “me” look like?

* making conscious food choices everyday instead of grabbing one of the cookies the kids baked and popping it in my mouth for breakfast or a mid-day snack.

* it means exercising for 20 minutes every day, no matter what. Even (especially) when I don’t want to.

* daily practice of something uplifting spiritually or emotionally.

* going to sleep as frequently as possible by 10p.

Each of these things sounds ridiculously simple and yet they are the things I find most difficult in my life.

My mind screams to me that I don’t have the time for any of these things.

Here’s some of the BS my mind/ego spouts:

* 20 minutes of exercises really takes 30-40 minutes when all is said and done and you don’t have time and plus you look good in clothes anyway, so who needs it.

* one cookie won’t hurt you and it’s too time-consuming to figure out what food should be in the house and what shouldn’t and the nanny is doing a good enough job at heating up the Trader Joe’s each night. Plus, Trader Joe’s is pretty healthy.

* Asleep by 10p? Not possible. The kids aren’t asleep sometimes until after 9:30p by the time all the before bed kvetching stops. When will I get time to write? Read? Be on my computer for fun and not revenue-generating activity?

I need to be doing less and all of these things feel like I’ll be adding a whole lot more on to my already full plate.

The Truth is that my businesses are finally at a point where paying more attention to ME will pay bigger rewards for them than it would be for me to create anything more to do with the business. It’s time to let it be.

It’s time to let the passive revenue engine run, for me to create a consistent self-care schedule, which must take priority, and to say no to things that interfere with it.

I’m scared to death of that. But, this whole journey is about being afraid and doing it anyway, right?

So, over the next several weeks I’ll be taking you inside the journey for real. I’ll be sharing with you the self care schedule that I’m able to carve out, whether or not it’s working and where I’m not fulfilling on my promise to myself. Perhaps, if I’m writing to you about it, I’ll stay more on track and focused.

I hope you’ll root me on, tell all your friends and if you decide you want to come along and do what I’m doing, let me know how it’s going for you.

I’m going to be making these changes in the context of two coaching type programs

JJ Virgin, celebrity fitness trainer on Dr. Phil and member of my diamond coaching program with Ali Brown, is coaching me through the health side of things – eating right, exercising and sleeping.

Kristen and David Morelli, as part of their 40 days and 40 nights program, will be coaching me to raise my energetic vibration and while their program is about breaking through money blocks, I’m seeing it as breaking through my emotional blocks to happiness.  I have no doubt more money will follow.

I just noticed though that it’s 10p and time for me to go to bed, so we’ll have to continue this journey tomorrow!

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons Artist Irargerich

After two years of working together on my core business transforming ordinary lawyers into Personal Family Lawyers, Dave (my mentor and now life partner) and I have joined together to teach other business owners how to do what I did.

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If you want to know more about it, check out our the Dave and Alexis Gold VIP Coaching program.

Then, read this personal note from Dave.

If you want to hear even more, you can listen to this audio postcard we made before registration opened.

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