It’s funny, yesterday after I found out that Amex canceled my merchant account and I did everything I could to help them see how stupid that was, only to realize they were not going to change their mind no matter what I said or did, I felt a deeper sense of peace and relaxation than I have in a long, long time.

Oddly, I even felt a bit euphoric.

That’s what facing reality will do for ya!

Suddenly, I knew in a “permeate my being kind of way” that it would all be okay.  That it IS all okay, right now.

Perhaps, I am not meant to run companies.  It certainly seems as if the Universe has been trying to send me that message for quite a while and since I’m the kind of gal who always loves a great challenge, I have fought it.

Fifteen months or so ago, I decided that I was not cut out to build my own real deal businesses and decided I would just be a consultant.  Then, I picked up Tony Hsieh’s book about Zappos, Delivering Happiness, and got re-inspired to be a world-changing CEO.

So, I ramped up my operations, hired lots more team members, expanded my vision and filled my time with team meetings, campaigns, copywriting, new websites, launches, the whole thing …

Another year of my life lost to the pursuit and perpetuation of the 7-figure business.

Totally not worth it.

Not only do I not need a million dollar business to support what I really want, I do not want one either. 

A million dollar a year business requires far more attention and energy than the marketers selling you on it promise.  Getting there is far harder than they make it out to be and chances are that if you do get there, you will wonder why you worked so hard just to have to work so hard to support the monster you created.

Perhaps that’s just my experience and it’s different for others.

A million dollar business requires a constant eye on the numbers, sales & marketing systems, campaigns and launches and people to support it — generally, lots more people than you would think.  Someone needs to manage those people.  No matter how much I wish it to be true, I have not yet met the people who want to work for me (instead of having their own businesses) and who do not need management.  I suck at management.

If these things are not true for you, if you love the systems, the numbers, the people management, and all the details, contact me — I have two whole lines of information products for two awesome markets that are complete, tested, loved, proven and just need someone like you to build the business around them.  I’m not gonna do it anymore.

So, what am I going to do instead?

For now, I’m going to take care of my existing customers and clients, I’m going to work with people who contact me about my programs and products spontaneously and want the specific kind of support I can offer, I’m going to take care of myself, be with my kids, enjoy the natural highs that come with freedom (as opposed to the drug-induced/campaign-induced highs I have been chasing) and wait to see what else wants to emerge.

That’s new.

Today, on the Whole Truth Show, a gal showed up who I had met at Ali Brown’s Shine Event in November 2009. She identified herself as “Beth.”  Beth seemed a bit fascinated, a bit judgmental, and more than a little curious about my shift since then.

She expressed concern about how much I was crying throughout today’s show (yes, I let my emotion show far more easily now than I ever have before and on the flip side others who know me said they have never seen me look so happy — thanks Jeremy!) and stated that my programs must not work because I am struggling so much now.

Struggling?!?  In so many ways, I am doing better now than I ever have!  And that’s why things are so fucked up in our world.

Yes, I’m making far less money than I have in a long time and I have stopped paying on the massive debt I acquired chasing the more, more, more, more, more. 

I am also happier than I have been in years, re-connecting with my children,  supporting our lifestyle working just a few hours a day with total flexibility, saying no to work that doesn’t inspire me, satisfying my creative desires, in a relationship that feels healthier than any relationship I have ever been in and I am feeling again instead of numbing out.

For the first time in my life, I am not experiencing the internal conflict that has plagued me since I was a teenager. 

We should all struggle like this.

So, on to day 3 of the Course in Miracles practice.  Are you following along with me?

Today’s practice: I do not understand anything I see.  Much like the other two practices, I’m directed to look around at everything I see and become aware that I don’t understand any of it.

That resonates for me.  It’s becoming pretty clear to me that I do not understand much of anything. My entire orientation is being shifted.

Hardcore may be an understatement

For most of my adult life, I was a hardcore left brain lawyer, almost entirely focused on making money and being the best at everything I came near.

Today, during a live energy session on the show with a gifted energy worker, I felt source energy running through my body (and so did many of the people watching the show from hundreds and thousands of miles away!)

My mind was going insane with judgment and yet my body could feel the truth of what I was experiencing.

Today, my right brain is coming through more than it ever has.  I feel creative, light, and free.  Transformation is happening.  And while it’s clear I do not understand much of anything, I feel more sure than I ever have that my path is right.  Through this process, I am finally being and becoming what I always knew I really was.  Whatever that is.  Ah, the paradox.

I’m so grateful for all of your comments on the blog, your posts to me on Facebook (I only friend people I have actually met in person, but apparently you can subscribe to my posts and post comments if we have not met, or you can join the show Facebook group or my public page) and the love through Twitter.

Please keep it coming.  Your interaction is giving me the courage to keep letting it all out here for everyone to see.  And please share stories of your own transformation, letting go, shifting, practice and anything else that lets me into your experience.  Until tomorrow, Namaste.

As I’m terming it, your Great Work is the divine combination of your inner work and your outer work.

Your inner work … the work you do on yourself to grow, to evolve your soul, to wake up to what’s real and true for you, to break free of the illusion.

You outer work … the way you put that work into service in the world.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying that is attributed to Richard Bach in Illusions and is well-illustrated by Mike Robbins personal life experience …  “we teach best what we most need to learn.”

And that my friend is where you find your Great Work.  The thing you were custom-designed to bring to the planet.

You find it in the lessons you most need to learn and continue to practice in your own life.

There is no better way to learn, evolve and grow from and with our most important lessons than by teaching those lessons and building a sustainable business model around doing it.

Every experience you’ve been given throughout your life – both “good” and “bad” – is  a gift to prepare you for what you are individually custom designed to bring.

Your Great Work incorporates what Gay Hendricks calls Your Zone of Genius in his book the Big Leap.  Dan Sullivan refers to it as your Unique Ability.  I’ve called it your Creative Genius.

When you are doing your Great Work, you are living all of that.

Are you ready to say yes to your Great Work? If so, do you know what it is yet? Have an inkling?  Or are you still just beginning to sense there may be something out there you were born to bring to the world?

I’d love to hear what it is for you and where you are with it.

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I’m hosting a free call on discovering and living your Great Work on Thursday, December 2, 2010.  Call details go out to those of you who are on my list, so please make sure to opt-in by requesting my Life and Business Growth Kit up in the upper right corner.  We’ll be sending the call-in details out everyday between now and Thursday AND sending the recording to those of you who couldn’t make it on Friday.  I’d love to “see” you there!  If you can be there live, do – I’ll be taking questions.

By its nature, transformation means going from being one way to being another way.  Caterpillar becomes butterfly.

It means letting go of what was to step into what is becoming.

But there is that moment in between – the moment when what was and what is both exist in the same plane of existence.  For the caterpillar/butterfly, the expression appears as goo.

My experience of it in this body is that of having a split personality. Literally, it feels as if there are two of me at this very moment in time.

And these two are combining and intermingling in ways that feel at times exhilarating, at others heartbreaking, and at yet others completely terrifying.

I take a look at what it must look like to those looking in from the outside today and I am amazed at the oddity I’ve created.

There’s the Alexis who is a lawyer and has created a new paradigm business model for lawyers – she exists as Alexis Martin Neely on Facebook and her main website is AlexisNeely.com (full of media appearances and “professionalism”), with several side sites for the lawyers and families she serves.

Then, there’s the evolutionary strategist emerging from the cocoon. She’s Alexis Neely on Facebook, but her website is AlexisMartinNeely.com (this site) plus a couple more for the programs created to guide evolutionary entrepreneurs to the money, business and legal structures they need around their world-changing work.

Alexis Neely, Alexis Martin Neely, Alexis Martin … with the real Alexis please stand up?

Internally, these two parts of me always existed.  For years I suppressed the evolutionary Alexis, kept her hidden and attracted people who reinforced my belief that she was a little too “out there.”

The past 9-12 months have been about integration.

I’ve finally come to a place of acceptance that anything less than complete integration is simply not an option.  I cannot continue to live two lives, be full steam ahead building two businesses that serve two completely different markets, and perpetuate the internal unrest that has driven my life.

It is not in alignment with what I want.  Harmony. Union. Resonance.  Congruence.  It all comes from within me and as long as I am living the dissonance, it is what I will continue to experience.

Despite my great intentions to work a reasonable schedule, I was up until 230a at least one night last week working on things for the lawyer business – marketing the business, love and money virtual event, upgrading our training programs and with the travel and private client work I have coming up  throughout November, I felt as if I had to do it.

Maybe I didn’t.  Maybe it was the workaholism talking.  But, it sure felt like I needed to finish those things.

Bottom line, it’s not sustainable, this split life.

Something has got to give.

And it’s the lawyer training business. It’s time to discover whether passive revenue via business is a reality or just a dream thrown about by marketers who want you to believe in the possibility of something that’s not really do-able.

I’ve invested 4 years into creating amazing, world-changing work that serves lawyers.  I’ve put systems around the work.  And I’ve got a team in place to run the systems.

Time to see what happens if I don’t put anymore creative energy into it and let it fly on its own.

I’ve spent the last 9 months streamlining it, stripping it down to it’s very best bare essence, cutting out everything that wasn’t working and making everything that was even better.

I’ve got it set up so it’s bringing in enough income with minimal effort to sustain itself and serve the lawyers it’s serving and now it’s time to stop building. <deep breath>

I’m afraid it will die if I really stop.

I’m scared to let it be.

But it’s time.  Integration must take priority.  My soul’s evolution must come first.  The split personalities are being unified.

The Universe is supporting the unification by sending me more evolutionary entrepreneurs to work with than I can get back to who need and want my combination of lawyerness and love and Goddess-based business models to support the evolution of their business.

I can stop pushing on the lawyer business for now.  If lawyers want what I have, they can find me.

I’m throwing down the gauntlet and taking a stand, walking my talk, closing a door, trusting my path, focusing on the people I absolutely love to serve and allowing plenty of time and space for my soul to evolve.

This is my public declaration so I can stop talking about it and finally do it.

And so it is.

Yes, we had a Valentine’s Day wedding. (Note for anyone considering it: flowers are really expensive when you get married on V-Day!)

Since our wedding day, we’ve had two kids and been through a VERY rough divorce.

Today, we are once again living together in the same house and co-parenting our kids. This time as great friends. Maybe better friends than we ever were when we were dating or married.

I think it’s fair to say I love my ex more today than ever before. Family love. Like the kind I feel for my kids and my sister.  The kind of love that makes me want to do nice things for him, make his life easier, and take care of him.

Whenever I mention to folks that my ex and I are living together again, I get a lot of questions.  So in honor of Valentine’s Day, this post will provide some answers about how you too can love (and even live with) your ex again.

1.  Forgive radically.

Forgive the unforgivable.  And I do mean all of it.  If you heard some of the things I’ve forgiven, you’d say “no way, Alexis, I could never forgive that.”

Yes, you can.

And when you do, you’ll uncork a boundless amount of love within yourself and also for yourself.

When you withhold your forgiveness, you are not hurting your ex.  You are hurting yourself.  And your kids.

If you don’t know how to begin the process of forgiveness, be willing to see where you were 100% responsibility for your part of whatever you are pinning on your ex.  Then, forgive yourself for that.

If all else fails repeat this mantra silently to yourself until you feel forgiveness at your core:

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”

2.  Accept completely.

Accept everything about your ex.  All of it.  Especially those things you simply could not accept when you were in relationship together.

Now that you are not together, they don’t affect you.  So, accept everything you couldn’t accept when you were together.  Your ex is not going to change.

You do know that by now, right?

If you say to yourself “well, those things do affect me because they affect my kids,” drop that.

Your kids came through the two of you because that is their path.  You chose to have children with this person. Forgive yourself for that and accept that your only role now is to help your kids learn how to grow through their relationship with your ex and accept even those parts of themselves that are just like your ex.

Whatever you do, never, never, never bad mouth your ex in front of your kids.  Ever.  When you fully accept your ex, you are showing your children they can love all parts of themselves.  When you badmouth your ex, you are implanting a message into your kids that there is something wrong with them.  Exactly what you don’t want to do.

Accept what is.

3.  Take nothing personally.

It’s quite possible that you are more emotionally developed than your ex.  If that is the case, see all of your future interactions as a test of the truth of that statement.  And if that is the case, it’s quite possible that your ex is still often triggered by interacting with you.

Have compassion for your ex every time he or she does that thing that used to get your goat when you were together.  Breathe.  Say to yourself “oh yeah, there’s that thing again.  that’s why we aren’t together. boy, am I happy to be free of that.”

And don’t take it personally.

It’s not about you.  Even if it’s something that’s being yelled at you in your face.  It’s still not about you.  Let it go and be grateful you get to walk away.

Three simple things that are not so simple in practice.  Forgive radically.  Accept completely. Take nothing personally.

Three ways of being in the world that will pay off tremendously for you, not just with your ex, but in every area of your life.

Today, on our 11th wedding anniversary, I am more grateful for my ex-husband than ever.  He’s been part of the fabric of my life for 16 years and shaped the me that I am today as much as my parents.

Every relationship (especially the difficult ones) give you an opportunity to be more of who you are.  To take the high road.   To forgive, when you think you can’t.  To have compassion.  To stop blaming and take personal responsibility for your part.  To love, even when it’s hard.

Loving your ex may be the very best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Within recent months, it has all started to become more clear than ever before.

I recently began working with Tim Kelley, author of the book “True Purpose”. What’s interesting is I thought I had already found my life purpose and was doing it.

And yet, I felt drawn to Tim’s work.  What I now see is that his work is taking me to another, much deeper level of my purpose.

I can now see that every single thing that has ever happened in my life, both those things I deemed to be “good” and those things I deemed to be “bad”, all happened to prepare me to fulfill my purpose as I now understand it in this moment.

Suddenly, it all makes sense.

There was a part of me that always knew this day was coming and I would occasionally catch enough of a glimpse of the future to know it was possible that one day I would really and truly get how everything fit together.

I’m grateful that it’s finally here.

Years of frustration, wonder, worry, uncertainty and fear have evaporated.  There are still threads left, but 90% of the concern has disappeared from my awareness.

Ok, so now I’m going to tell you what I now understand to be my purpose, even though I feel slightly embarrassed when I write it out like this.

I am here to shine the light into the dark corners of your business and your life with absolute and total love, acceptance and support.

I make the hard things easier.

Specifically, at this moment in time, I am focusing this purpose around business by helping people take a look at the things we all avoid because they are hard – the difficult conversations, the business of your business, the financials, the legal stuff, the employee stuff, the partnership stuff, the pending business break-up.

You know, the hard parts of being a business owner.  The stuff I can’t stand either.  Office politics, drama, conflict.  Ick.

I take the ick out and help you to discover how whatever is happening in your business is your greatest opportunity for growth.

You really want to be a conscious business owner?  For real?

Then, you’ve got to open your eyes, wake up to the truth.  Shine the light into the darkness.  The part you’ve been avoiding because it’s too hard, painful, difficult, embarrassing, shameful, guilt-ful, to look at.

When you are willing to open your eyes and shine the light into the dark corners, you will naturally run your business from a more expanded and enlightened perspective.

It’s hard to be enlightened and aware with your eyes closed and the lights off, right?

Decisions become much easier. You no longer worry about getting taken advantage of or what’s real and what’s not.  When you can see, you know.

Boundaries are easily established and conflicts are handled with an open heart.

Wow, it feels great to finally get all this.  These, of course, are my personal greatest life lessons so far.

6 years ago, I was attending a workshop held by one of my early coaches.  Scott had brought in a purpose expert named Kevin M McCarthy, author of the On Purpose Person.  And he walked us through a process to help us discover our own purpose.

What came through to me back then made no sense in the context of my life at the time.  I had just started my own law firm.  I was committed to being a lawyer.  Helping my clients.  Making a difference in their lives.

But, when I did Kevin’s process, I discovered my purpose was to “Shine the Light?!?”  Huh?

WTF?

I was a lawyer.  I didn’t know how to shine no stinkin’ light.  What was I supposed to do with that?  Shine the light?!? Um, ok.

But, there was a part of me that knew that was it and one day I’d figure out what it meant.

For the past 6 years, I’ve continued to put one foot in front of the other, learning how to move with my energy and get out of my own way.  It’s been a learning process for sure.  But, each step fo the way I trusted that if I just kept asking the right questions and moving forward, I’d one day get it.

And now I do.

Are you ready to know it too?  I know you are.  And you know you want it.

To begin, start to ask yourself what you’ve been avoiding.  What are the conversations you’ve had in your head, but you have held back from having with the person they really need to be with?  What are the things you know you need to do in your business, but haven’t done because they seem too hard?

Make a list of those things.  Bring them to awareness.  That’s all you have to do now.  It’s the first step and in some ways the most difficult.

My boyfriend lives in Atlanta, where he has two kids of his own.

Fortunately, his business is run from his laptop, which means he can come out to stay with me every other week.  But, he also has a business partner in Richmond he has to go see at least once a month.

Plus, both of us run coaching groups.  Mine are for lawyers who want to  serve their clients in a more holistic, caring way, while they make more money and work less.  His are for business owners and professionals who have something to say and want to make money with their message.

Not to mention, as of right now, I’m speaking at three events next year, attending a training to become certified in helping people discover their passions, beginning a course with Reverend Michael at my Church, hosting my own marketing event, writing my second book, attending three live events with my new mentor, and continuing to pitch (or maybe begin?) my television show.

Oh, and of course, taking care of the kids and running my businesses.  AND, perhaps most exciting of all, launching a new business for millionaire mom entrepreneurs or those who want to be.  More on that one soon.

And, of course we will be taking some vacations – on the schedule already we’ve got Mammoth in early February to ski, Chicago over the summer (I know, not the best time of the year), and of course Burning Man!

Whew, what a year!

This kind of a year doesn’t happen without some serious planning.

So, Dave and I spent the entire day yesterday plotting it all out on big fold out calendars from Franklin Covey.

The cool thing is that even with all of that happening, I can feel I’ll have plenty of time and space for myself, to deepen my spiritual practices, to do yoga and pilates, and to spend time alone.

How is that?

It’s all about choices.  I choose to fill my life with things that inspire me, excite me, and fill me with more energy.   And, I let go of all the rest.  Amazingly, the more I do that, the more I find room for more of what I love and supports my highest purpose.

It can be one of the most agonizing questions you’ll ever ask.  The consequences of leaving may appear to be unbearable, so you resign yourself to staying.  In most cases, the fear of making the wrong decision keeps you right where you are, almost always longer than is healthy.

Change can be difficult, scary and even painful. Staying the same, even more so.

So, how do you know when it’s time to go?  Its time to go when:

1. The pain of staying is greater than the potential pain of leaving;

2. You are staying for the other person because it makes them happy (or you believe it does);

3. The pain you are avoiding by not leaving is the guilt you’ll feel by leaving;

4. You’ve resigned yourself to a life without sex and decided your kids’ happiness is more important than your sex life;

5. You are staying because you “should” be happy, but you aren’t.

Many people have asked me how I got the courage to leave the biglaw firm after only three years and launch my own business. How I knew it was time to leave my marriage. How I was able to walk away from the million dollar a year law business I built.

Each time, leaving has gotten easier as I’ve discovered that what is on the other side of change is always more glorious than the pain of getting there.  And, if it’s not, you can always go back.  If you wouldn’t be welcomed back, why are you staying anyway?

Then, I get quoted in an article about women who pay their ex-husband’s alimony and all the sudden I’ve got all the national networks beating down my door (okay, not quite all of them and not quite beating down my door, but you get the point).

First, it was the CBS Early Show. Then, they aired the segment on the CBS nightly news. And now, I’ll be appearing on Fox & Friends Wednesday morning talking about it too.

Not that I mind, mind you. It’s good stuff for my reel and I’ve always welcomed the opportunities that came my way, even if they seemed a bit random, because you never know what leads to what.

I’ll bring my book with me to Fox & Friends on Wednesday and maybe after they get to know me, they’ll invite me back to talk about legal planning for parents.

And I do love that I get to share why I’m paying alimony and child support to my ex. I hope it inspires someone who is going through a divorce (especially where kids are involved) and fighting for every last entitlement to just let it go and move on. Give more than you ever thought possible and go out and make more.

Maybe this is what my next book should be about. Got title ideas? Post em in the comments. Whatever you do, don’t have the word “manimony” in the title though. It’s an annoying word that rubs me the wrong way. Alimony does not equate to woman-i-mony, so manimony is just silly.

Oh, and by the way, I don’t think alimony should be paid to either party in a marriage where there was no children and no agreement for the lower wage earner to give up earning potential to support the partnership/relationship by providing personal services instead of money.

When it is the case that one partner/spouse gave up earning potential, you can think of it as back wages.

But, where the non wage-earner spouse just earns less because that is his or her chosen path, why should the higher wage earner spouse have to pay? If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d tell my ex-husband to get off his ass and get to work. But, I do really like him being available for the kids and their school events and if he can’t work and do that, I’d rather support him to be readily available for them. He deserves it and so do they.