I believe my blog readers are the most intelligent, creative and business-savvy people on the web.

For that reason, I’m asking you to help me make an “executive decision” and choose a logo for my latest venture—LIFT.

• LIFT stands for Legal, Insurance, Financial and Tax. And the LIFT program will help micro business owners get excited about building their business with a LIFT Foundation.

• Millions of small business owners each year lose money or face serious setbacks in their businesses because of lawsuits, conflicts, audits, bookkeeping issues, unnecessary tax bills and having the wrong type and amount of insurance in place.

• Lack of knowledge about these issues personally cost me nearly $750,000.  Combine that with my law school and undergraduate education and I’ve got a million dollar education to share with you about these topics.

I’m really excited about the launch of LIFT, but of course I can go no further until this logo is chosen.

So here are your choices below (double- click on the image to enlarge it if you’re having a hard time viewing the designs):

Please leave me a comment letting me know your preferred font choice (each column has it’s own font) as well as your preferred color scheme (each row has it’s own color). Also, and this is very important, please let me know whether you are a current business owner or an aspiring business owner. And, of course, if you have any other thoughts/feelings, please let me know that too.

Based on your feedback I’ll make my final decision!  Thank you so much in advance.  I can’t wait to hear what you think.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

I’ve learned so many lessons from the experience that I am excited to share because moving on is a critical step to playing a bigger game and is one of the places most people get stuck.

My intention here at the Intrepid Mompreneur is to inspire you to keep moving ahead, to play a bigger game and to be afraid and do it anyway, so I’ve got to share the lessons.

My last post made it seem as if all my clients are enraged about my decision to move on and because I don’t want to leave you with that false impression, I’m sharing with you a few of the expressions of lightness and appreciation I’ve received as well.  After that I’ll share with you the 4 steps you need to know to move on with integrity when you make your move.

This first one is from a client of mine who’s uncle died almost two years ago and we’ve been helping her wrap up his Estate.  Although I am closing the firm, we are continuing to handle this for her until everything is complete, as promised.  Here’s what she said:

“I would like to thank everyone that has helped me in this situation and I do appreciate everything that all of you as a team has done for me.  Without Alexis, Nathalie, Mark and Elizabeth, I don’t think I could have finished this estate.  Alexis assured me from the beginning that I could do it, that they would help me every step of the way.  You haven’t let me down.  I thank you so much for you staying with me to the end.  You will never know what this means to me.” — Best Wishes, Pam

Then, I received many that were similar to this one:

“How sad for us but happy for you and your family!  Change is part of life, but we will certainly miss working with you. As you know, we were not quite finished with our initial estate plan paperwork.  I still need to bring into your office our updated paperwork on the accounts that have been retitled in the name of the Living Trust, as well as the updated beneficiary info for our retirement accounts and other life insurance policies–so everything can be placed in a binder for our records and our lawyer’s records.  Also, we have not yet had our Priceless Conversation.  I can bring the copies of the paperwork by next week or wait until our file has been transferred to our new lawyer.  Alexis, since you know us and know where we are on our planning, who would you recommend we consider working with?  We would like to work with someone young enough (or with associates who are young enough) to work with our children as they grow up …” – Paul

Know what I noticed about all the people who sent well wishes and thanks?  They are the people who have the most wealth, both in their bank accounts and in their life overall.

These people are great examples for you if YOU are the one being left behind.

A great lesson I’ve learned about creating abundance in my life over the past several years has been to celebrate other people playing big, every time I see it.  By celebrating other people getting closer to their full potential has allowed me to move closer to my full potential.  It can be difficult to do this if envy comes up first, but if you can be aware of that and celebrate, you’ll get much closer to your own dreams more quickly.

So, now what to do if you are the one moving on?

This article shares with you 4 steps to moving on with integrity.

This is the third time in my life that I’ve made a big shift and each one has incrementally prepared me for the next.

The first was when I left the big law firm to open up my own practice.  The second was when I moved out of my house and divorced my husband.  And now this one, which at times feels a bit like divorce times 500 and is taking me into my biggest vision yet.

Each one has taught me something important about how to move on with integrity.  Each one has also taught me a critical lesson about how to move on in the right way.

If you intend to play at a big level, this is critical to know because you will have to move on several times in your life as you get closer and closer to the truth of who you are, why you are here and what your true purpose is in life.

1.        Have Compassion For the People Left Behind

Each time you move on, there will be people left behind.  Of course, it’s the nature of moving on.  You are going somewhere new and the people who remain in the place you were are, in some cases, going to feel left behind.

Depending on the magnitude of your jump or how close you are getting to the spotlight, the pain expressed by the people left behind can get pretty ugly.  And, you must be prepared for the people you are leaving behind to try and keep you back where they are.

Why?

Because if you move on, it can appear to be a slap in the face.  As if you are leaving them behind because there is something wrong with them.

People who are left behind may try and talk you out of moving ahead.  They may threaten and cajole you to not go.  They may lash out.

You want to have compassion for the pain of the ones being left behind.  Love them through it.

Dave helped me bring this compassion into my own experience when he said “feel into the life of the person who is lashing out at you and allow yourself to feel their pain.  Then, remember a time when you felt pain and lashed out because of it.  Bring your love and forgiveness to that.”

He’s a keeper, huh?

What I can tell you from my experience with this is that if you love them through it, eventually (and it may not be on your timetable) your love will break through their pain.  Don’t have an expectation of that though, just love because that’s what feels better to you and let go of attachment to how that love is received.

2.       Don’t Be Afraid to Course Correct

As you take leave, you may find that you didn’t have full awareness of what the consequences of leaving would be.

Know that it’s okay.

Life is about learning, moving forward, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes and course correcting.

If you find that you come up against a challenge or a consequence that you did not think of as you made your plans to move forward, don’t be afraid to course correct.

Fortunately, it’s never too late to right a wrong, ask forgiveness, or forgive yourself.

And, that brings us to step 3 …

3.       Forgive Yourself

Forgiving yourself is of course the most important of all of these steps.  You are okay exactly the way you are.   To the extent that you are seeing pain reflected back at you through the eyes of others, take that as a reflection of your own internal pain.

To the extent that you feel guilt, shame or any other feeling of dis-ease, be aware of where that is coming from.

Generally, it means that you have not forgiven yourself for something or some aspect.  When you do, you will no longer see the reflections of your guilt and shame because there will be nothing to reflect back to you but the love that you are.

So, take up this daily mantra:

“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”  Repeat silently to yourself, while knowing your Truth, until you truly feel it in your soul.

4.       Follow Your Soul’s Calling

Above all, keep moving forward and shining your light.  It is your purpose to shine the truth of your being.  You are a living expression of God and your true purpose has nothing to do with your work or what you DO on a daily basis and everything to do with who you are BEING in every moment.

Recognize each challenge as another opportunity to be more of who you are in every moment, not less.   Every moment is an opportunity to become more rooted in the awareness of your true nature and your core values.

This is your chance to step forward in the awareness that you are love and it’s all perfect.

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While I was the one being interviewed, it was just what I needed!

So often, when we find ourselves sharing our advice with someone else, it turns out to be exactly what we need to hear ourselves.

Today, it was about how not to get sucked into the common thinking of lack, limitation and scarcity.

To some degree, lack, limitation and scarcity is my baseline, passed on to me by my genetic code.  So, it’s a constant internal battle to keep my small mind at bay and stay focused on the higher truth I know is reality.

Especially when the more I shine my light, the more people show up in my life who seem to believe they are entitled to a share of what I’ve been building.

As my energy rises, I’m aware of the people who are showing up, specifically it seems, to pull that energy down.

If I allow it, I could easily be sucked into the common thinking that tells me I’m being taken advantage of, ripped off, walked all over or that I should battle to the end for what is rightfully mine.

But, that’s not who I am.  I am love.  And so long as I can stay in the awareness of that, I can continue to shine brightly undulled by the clouds of negativity.

So, how do I do it?

I read.  I listen.  I go within.

Here are some of my favorite resources for staying immersed in the awareness of what’s real even when (especially when) I’m dealing with major challenges that make my mind/ego want to fight for its life:

A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle

Spiritual Liberation, by Michael Bernard Beckwith

Broken Open, by Elisabeth Lesser

Inspiration, by Wayne Dyer

Loving What Is, by Byron Katie

I read uplifting Tweets posted by people like @kendrathornbury and @TheEntertainer

And I set up a column in Tweetdeck for people who inspire me, uplift me and make me smile with their joyousness  (like @barefoot_exec, @unmarketing, @perrybelcher, @marismith,  @feelgoodguru, @lotusamy and @mediastarr and the folks who post their morning gratitude at #amgrat, celebrate their manifestations each evening at #pmceleb, express their gratitude all day long at #gratx and spread the love at #loverage) and anytime I’m feeling low energy during the day, I can look to that column for a little pick me up.

And, I get quiet.

When I find myself feeling put upon, taken advantage of, overburdened or overwhelmed, I walk away.  I read something True or put on my headphones and listen to a recording.  Then, I sit quietly.  And I wait for the awareness of the Truth to permeate my soul and once again radiate through me.

If you are not aware of and ready for this little pop quiz, you are very likely to fail, which means you will veer off the track of your life purpose.

Here’s the great part though, if you can see this test for what it is, it will be a fantastic confirmation for you that you are on course, heading in the right direction.

So, take heed.  I’m letting you in on a little secret that it has taken me a few failures to learn.

If you learn it from me instead of having to learn through your own experience with it, you will stay on course and get where you want to go much more quickly.

Not to mention, it will make your journey MUCH more enjoyable.

And, by the way, this is not a one-time, occasional event.  As I have started to play a bigger and bigger game, every single time I have made a commitment to a certain path, I have been tested.

Here is a current example from my own life:

On the eve of the New Year, I made the decision to close my law firm.  This was a difficult decision to make.  I’ve spent the past 12-18 months trying to find any other way.

I looked for other lawyers to take over.  I even found a partner I thought would be able to do it.

But, ultimately, trying to hold on to my law firm, my baby, my first business, was keeping me from pursuing my life path with the 100% commitment that life purpose requires.

So, here come the tests. Are you sure, Alexis, they ask. How sure?

Test #1:

This past week, we had 6 people call the office wanting to make appointments to get started with their planning and after doing a presentation at my children’s school,  23 (!) parents requested planning  appointments, many begging me to be their lawyer.

It was tempting.  Trust me. If I just said yes to a few of them, I could make quite a pretty penny.

If I kept the firm open and in full force, we’d be on our way to grossing a couple million.

That’s a test.

If I was weak in my conviction, I might have said “well, let’s just take a few new clients each month and not close it down completely.”

I would have failed the test.

Instead, I saw it for what it was, thanked the Universe for the test and sent the new prospects on to the Personal Family Lawyers throughout Southern California who will be thrilled to serve them.

That took discipline, commitment and responding from abundance, not lack.  Definitely not easy, but worth it.

Test #2:

Many of my clients don’t want another lawyer.  They chose me as their lawyer because I was young and would be around for a long time.  They chose my firm because we provided a host of services not provided by other law firms, like ongoing reviews of their plan, a membership program to keep things updated, Kids Protection Planning, and more.

They are frustrated because now it turns out that I’m not going to be here forever.

And even though I have trained Personal Family Lawyers throughout the United States and many right here in Southern California, all of whom provide the same services I promised, some of my clients are upset.

I understand.  Change is difficult.

It’s tempting to tell them, oh, okay, I’ll make an exception for you and continue to work with you.

So tempting.  I care about them.  Deeply.

And that’s why I recognize it as another test.

The truth is, I’m no longer the best choice for them.  If I agreed to make an exception, it would be from a place of ego.

I won’t have ongoing staff available to handle quick questions.  I won’t have anyone to handle amendments to their documents on an ongoing basis. I won’t have an automated process for handling reviews every three years.

I won’t have any of the things I promised I would have and that they should want. Things they deserve.

I could only keep all of that going when I continued to take on new clients.  I can’t do that and follow my life purpose. Ultimately, if I did, I’d be choosing security and money over following my heart and soul to inspire, educate and motivate you to think bigger about your life.

What I could do though is train other lawyers who would provide those services the exact same way I would and negotiate with them to agree to take on my clients without requiring my clients to start over from the beginning.

As you step into something bigger in your life, there will be tests.  Tests that will tempt you back into the old, smaller version of your life.

You will either remain committed to your path or you will allow yourself to be pulled back.

Your decision will determine your future.  Should you decide to go bigger, I’ll be here to support you.

How will I use the time?

Respond to one of 185 emails I’ve opened and saved to respond to later.

* Interrupted already* Gotta get the last popcorn out of the microwave and someone wants water.

What was I saying?  Oh, right, how will I use my 55 minutes remaining?

Write a blog post.  Well, I guess I’m doing that, so that’ll be one of the things I do in the 54 minutes I now have available.

Respond to the 1 irate email that just came in from a client of my law firm due to a misunderstanding that will take approximately 15 minutes of thought and email writing to clear up.

Tweet?  Nope, not gonna Tweet.

Here’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to contemplate how in the heck work at home moms without full time (or even part time!) manage to do it.

My nanny, Kelsey, has been out of town for a week, but my mom was in town, so I was able to get work done.  But, today, my family finally left and I had some intentions of getting on the computer and doing a few things.

It’s nearly impossible without someone hanging out with the kids.

My kids are not very good independent players.  They want adult interaction.  I want them to have it too.

It’d be great if I had the kind of kids who could easily entertain themselves for hours with a box and a ball of string, but those are not my kids.

So, work at home mompreneurs, how do you do it?  Daycare?  A nanny?  Part time help?  Big screen TV, laptop and a DS?

How do you blog, shop, keep your house clean, arrange playdates and after school activities, do homework, keep up with email, run a business/company,  grocery shop, and all the rest?

Next time I get a chance to write, I’ll tell you how I do it and a secret about what a challenge it’s been for me.

** Image by http://www.touchamemory.com – cool, huh?

Image via Wikipedia

Yeah Baby, We Have Lice … But, I’m Not Embarassed

Ok, so that’s not entirely true.

When I had to call Lesley Bohm, the amazing celebrity photographer I was supposed to have a photo shoot with today,  and tell her I couldn’t make it because I have lice, I was a little embarassed.

More than a little embarrassed.

When I first found out my daughter had it, I wanted to keep it a secret.  I wanted to tell her not to tell anyone at school.  I wanted her to make something up about why she didn’t go to school.

Fortunately, before I passed on my tendencies towards shame and hiding, I came to my senses.

I remembered that keeping secrets is the heart of just about every emotional dis-ease out there, alcoholism, drug addiction, food issues, anorexia, bulimia.  Behind each one of them is a secret that’s festered into a kink.

In each case, there’s some well-meaning parent who inadvertently conditioned his child to feel shame, embarrassment, or judgment about something and hide whatever that something is, creating a hole that needs to be filled.

Lice isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarassed about.  If you get it, it doesn’t mean you’re dirty.  (In fact, did you know that lice is more attracted to clean hair?)

The only reason we are instinctively embarrassed about it is because at some point we were conditioned to think that way.

I decided not to pass on the conditioning.

I mean yes, it’s kind of yuck-o that there are bugs laying eggs in my hair, but feeling shameful about it certainly doesn’t help the situation.

And, passing that shame/need to hide  on to my daughter is definitely not the answer.

So, I boldly picked up the phone, called the school nurse and let her know I’d be keeping Kaia home for the day and that the 3rd grade class should be checked for lice. Gulp.

(Guess what? It turns out half the school is infested, I really didn’t have anything to be embarassed about! Yay.)

I accepted the reality of the situation, and then got busy.

We went out and bought that poison stuff from the drugstore and started going through Kaia’s hair.  Then, when that didn’t seem to work that great, I got out the vinegar and went through her hair wit the nit comb dipped in vinegar, which apparently helps to unstick the nits.

To top everything off (literally), we slathered her hair with half a jar of mayonnaise and wrapped her hair in saran wrap and a shower cap before bed.

After all that, I expected we’d be cleared for school, no problem.

But, no.  When we got to school, the nurse still didn’t give Kaia (or me!) the all clear and I realized I needed to call  in reinforcements.

Hair Whispers.  For a $35 travel fee and $85/hour,  they saved the day.  (I called around and they were the least expensive.  I was quoted a $50 travel fee and $125/hour by another company and then $250/$300 by a third company).

What a great business!

Amy Goldreyer is one smart cookie.  She was even named best nitpicker by LA Weekly.  Yep, best nitpicker.

If she doesn’t have enough business via word of mouth (which I can’t imagine she doesn’t – she was mentioned in the NYT amongst celebrity baby consultants and as I sit here I just got my third email from a schoolmate friend of Kaia’s whose mom never emails me, looking for a referral to my hair fairy – the mommies are desparate!), I can suggest some quick changes to her web presence that would get her even more business.

For those of you small business owners who have been asking me for advice on marketing your businesses, here’s some good stuff for you:

Web presence suggestions -

* Create a nitpickers blog with stories about people met while nitpicking (all names disguised of course) and about how they act, what they say when they call for appointments, etc.;

* Put up an opt-in form for her nitpicker’s weekly that offers something extremely valuable, like a weekly report tracking infestations throughout the area so parents can be proactive and schools can avoid the kind of infestation our school is dealing with at the moment;

* Give affiliate commissions to referrers.  If I was getting paid, I’d email the whole school about our experience with my affiliate link included.  I may do it anyway, but only if I find an extra 15 minutes tomorrow.  If I was getting paid, I’d find the 15 minutes for sure.

* Establish a Facebook page for the business where I can become a fan and set up a Tweet that I can send out announcing I’m a fan of the business.

Hey, Amy, if you want to take this business huge, contact me.  I’d love to see it birthed out of the Millionaire Mom Business Incubator I’m launching with fellow millionaire mom Sheri McConnell (like the program name Sheri?) in 2009 as part of an incredible new association we’ve got launching.

But, even without the serious web presence, it’s a great business.

Do a little bit of marketing by making sure your brochures are in the hands of local school nurse, buy up Google Adwords for lice {local city} and lice removal {local city}, put up an informative website using the key words and keeping it updated with new information frequently, then send out young women with a cute utility bag of nitpicking tools to desperate moms who have no one else to comb lice out of their hair.

It’s a homerun.

I paid $200.39 + gave our nitpicker (who didn’t like being called that, by the way) a $20 tip to be deloused and it was well worth it.

I mean truly, what else is a mom to do?  It’s not like she can ask her husband to do it, or even a friend.

If I had nothing else going on and had to make some quick money, I’d get into the lice removal business.

I passed on Amy’s company information to at least three other desperate moms in our neighborhood already.

Here’s what I learned about lice and lice removal:

1.  The lice removal kits you buy from the drugstore are a big ripoff.  And, they poison you too.  A doubly bad combination.

2.   The little plastic comb they give you is bunk.  It doesn’t work.

3.  You can do the whole comb out deal at home without the service.  But, you need the right equipment and you DON’T need poison.

The equipment:

* A real nit comb – metal, not plastic. I recommend you buy one now to have on hand for when the lice hits your family.

* A bottle of water/conditioner mixed together

* Some type of oil – olive oil works, lavender oil.  Whatever.  The hair whisperer gal sold me a nice size bottle of their proprietary blend for $20.  Whole Foods wanted $30 for a teeny bottle of lavender oil, so I felt good about my purchase.

* Paper towels

* A bowl of water

That’s it.  No poison necessary.  Total cost minus the cute gal to comb your hair for you?  About $30.

The difficult part is the combing out of the nits/lice.

It was done totally differently than I expected.

There were three steps, which took a total of about an hour.  The key seemed to be running the comb through your hair vigorously from forehead over top of scalp and off back of hair with various substances combed through hair.

(It actually felt kind of nice – we sat out in the sun on my front patio area during the combing and for a few minutes I imagined I was at a high end spa, having a head treatment outside – ahhhh, I love having my hair played with).

It’d be nearly impossible to do to yourself, I imagine.  And not nearly as enjoyable.

Overall, my personal lesson from the whole day is there’s never anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  There’s so much to enjoy about and learn from every experience … even lice.

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The following morning, I was given the opportunity to translate that into a real life situation with a friend of mine and in doing so, remind myself.

Isn’t it beautiful how so often we find ourselves telling people in our lives exactly what we ourselves need to hear?

So, here’s the story.

Kaia is in third grade and some of the girls in her class seemed to have suddenly learned that it can be fun to exclude some of the other girls.

I first discovered this when I found out Kaia had not been invited to the birthday party of a girl she had previously spent a lot of time with.  I wrote about that experience on the LA Moms Blog.

The long and the short of it?  I felt a lot of pain around the whole thing.  Kaia couldn’t have cared less.

When I brought it up with my ex-husband, he looked at me like I had three heads.   He reminded me that our kids had learned in preschool that it was fine to exclude people and fine to be excluded.  It’s all okay.

Oh, right, now I remember.  That’s why I loved that school so much.  The unconditioning.  I chose it because when I showed up there for a tour, half of the kids were running around naked and playing in the mud.  Perfect.

Unfortunately for my friend, she didn’t have any of that unconditioning.  Her kid went to a traditional preschool where all the kids kept their clothes on and were made to take turns, share and be polite.  And, she herself had experienced generations of conditioning, none of which had yet to be unraveled.

So, when she found out her daughter was being excluded, she immediately decided something was wrong.

And, wanted to fix it.

But, how do you fix it when your child is being excluded?  Well, naturally, you try to help your child figure out what they are doing that’s causing the exclusion.

Right, that’s the conditioned reaction.  That was my immediate reaction too when I first heard my daughter was being excluded.

Except that, here’s the problems with that natural reaction:

#1:  You can’t fix it.

#2:  If you try to fix it, you make it worse.

#3:  By trying to fix it, your child inherits the conditioning that tells her that if she’s being excluded, there must be something wrong with her.  And, she begins to believe that if she can just change something about herself so that she fits in she won’t be excluded.

And well, we know where that leads, don’t we?

To feelings that we’re not good enough as we are. To low self-esteem.  To trying to please other people to feel good inside.  Eventually, to sex, drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.

So, what’s the unconditioned response look like that can break these patterns?

Let it be.  Teach your kid that it’s fine to be excluded.  Help her to focus on the people she enjoys spending time with who enjoy spending time with her instead of on the kids who don’t want her around.

Above all, help her understand it’s not personal.

She’s not being excluded because there’s something wrong with her.  She’s being excluded because not everyone is a match with everyone else.

And, that’s okay.

She needs to focus her attention on and hang out with the kids she does fit with and not worry about the rest.

What a gift to give your daughter.  The gift of being able to be herself without worrying what other people think.

Yes, for a mommy who does care what other people think, this can be incredibly difficult.  But, what an opportunity to let go of everything we once thought was important and find what really matters.

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The real impact will come from who seats the next Supreme Court justices.

I’m writing about this because it’s an area that is underweighted by people who don’t understand how the Supreme Court works, how much power these 9 people have and how that power affects our lives.

I only understand this myself because I had hopes of clerking on the Supreme Court after law school.

I didn’t get there, but I did clerk for a 9th Circuit Court of Appeals judge, just one layer below the Supreme Court.

Here’s the thing, Supreme Court Justices are not elected. They are appointed. For life. Their judgment is unreviewable and cannot be overturned by anybody. No law, no elected official, not even the President can overturn a decision of the Supreme Court.

The next President to be elected will likely replace one or more of the Supremes.

The import of that goes far beyond Roe v. Wade and abortion rights. The impact reaches into your rights to privacy, your rights to free speech, and many other rights that you aren’t even aware you have, but you will be if they are taken away and you can’t get them back.

If you value these rights, like I do, your vote will not be based on how you feel about the war, taxes, redistribution of wealth, or anything else. Because at most, any decision the President and our Congress make can be changed four years later. The only decision that cannot be changed is who our next President appoints to the Supreme Court.

Vote tomorrow! Your vote will make a difference.

It can be one of the most agonizing questions you’ll ever ask.  The consequences of leaving may appear to be unbearable, so you resign yourself to staying.  In most cases, the fear of making the wrong decision keeps you right where you are, almost always longer than is healthy.

Change can be difficult, scary and even painful. Staying the same, even more so.

So, how do you know when it’s time to go?  Its time to go when:

1. The pain of staying is greater than the potential pain of leaving;

2. You are staying for the other person because it makes them happy (or you believe it does);

3. The pain you are avoiding by not leaving is the guilt you’ll feel by leaving;

4. You’ve resigned yourself to a life without sex and decided your kids’ happiness is more important than your sex life;

5. You are staying because you “should” be happy, but you aren’t.

Many people have asked me how I got the courage to leave the biglaw firm after only three years and launch my own business. How I knew it was time to leave my marriage. How I was able to walk away from the million dollar a year law business I built.

Each time, leaving has gotten easier as I’ve discovered that what is on the other side of change is always more glorious than the pain of getting there.  And, if it’s not, you can always go back.  If you wouldn’t be welcomed back, why are you staying anyway?