You feel bad about wanting it, thinking it or feeling it.  Or you’re embarrassed that you do.  Or both.  And more.

So you just don’t say anything. You hold it in.  Stuff it down, maybe. But then your mind twists it all around.

It wants to protect you from feeling bad and definitely doesn’t want to take responsibility for the feeling.

It wants to protect you from disappointment.

So it makes up a story and projects it out on the people around you.

They would never have given you what you wanted anyway.  Never could have understood you.

You begin to believe the story and then you begin to see evidence of it everywhere.

A-ha, your mind says!  See … it’s a good thing you didn’t say what you wanted because you would never have gotten it anyway.

Suddenly, you are sucked in and life sucks.

You are trapped. Can’t say anything because of the story. And yet you can’t stop thinking about it, that thing you wanted a little bit before, now you really, really, really want it.

And you are more convinced than ever that you can’t have it.

Then it starts to scream.  Mine sounds like a child who hasn’t had its needs meet.

The negative self talk kicks in.

“You are trapped.  You’re screwed. How could you let yourself get into this situation … again?”

And, of course, your mind tells you it’s not your fault.  It’s their fault.

Ready to be free?

Stop playing these mind games with yourself.

There is a solution.

Just say it.  Stop judging what you want and what you feel.  Express it.

Allow the expression to be without charge.  Express it from a place of stillness and without emotion.

This thing you want is not right or wrong, it just is.

Your feelings. Your thoughts.  Your innermost stuff  you don’t share with anyone.  It’s all okay.

As soon as you say what you want, think and feel and take 100% responsibility for those wants, thoughts and feelings, you can drop the story about how “they” are keeping you from having it.

Drama will drop away.  Maybe not immediately, but over time as the people in your life who can’t handle your truth drop away.

Start by saying what you are not saying.

Feel free to practice here in the comments.  What is something you haven’t been saying because you think you shouldn’t think it or feel it, but you do?

Let’s experience some freedom together.

That’s really how I’m seeing this blog.  It’s where I give myself the attention I need.  Attention to explore the crazy experiences that are coming along through the process of waking up.

Yes, waking up.  That’s what’s happening here.

I haven’t talked about it publicly that way because it sounds so freakin’ presumptuous.  But, it’s true.  That’s what’s happening.

Or maybe it’s not true.  The crazy thing about this entire experience is that feeling of sometimes having no idea what’s real and what’s not real.  Or maybe I should say recognizing that nothing is real and everything is real.

See, what I’m discovering about waking up is that the truth is always both.  It’s everything.  It’s all of it.  And none of it.

Just tonight, I heard myself talking about how I was done tolerating certain things.  And that it felt really good to know now what I’m willing to tolerate and what I’m not willing to tolerate.

As I heard myself saying that I became aware of the part of myself that is infinitely tolerant.  And a little argument started up in my head.

Listen to you talking about what you will and won’t tolerate.  I just heard you say how happy you are that you are becoming less tolerant.  That’s not right.  You don’t want to be less tolerant.  You want to be tolerant.  What’s wrong with you?

As I observed the conversation, I recognized that yes I do want to be tolerant.  And, I want to have clearly defined limits on what I will tolerate.  Both/And.

I’ve never before given myself the attention I need to explore what those limits to my own tolerance are.  I’ve always worked to become tolerant of everything because I thought that would make me a good person or that was the “right” thing to do.

Today, I am aware of the falsity of that notion.

Becoming clear about what I will and will not tolerate (which is the same as establishing healthy boundaries) is an act of self-awareness, self-acceptance and love.  And when I am self aware, in total self-acceptance, and loving to myself that love will overflow to those around me.

When I am striving to tolerate everything and not giving myself room to be intolerant of certain things, I am denying something within me, I am striving, I am not in acceptance and therefore not feeling the love – for myself.  And therefore, not spreading it.

So there you have it.  I am intolerant.  And I’m a better person for it.  Lovingly intolerant.

Oh, as for the title of this post – that’s something I’m hearing a lot of lately.  “Wait, stop the train!  I want to get off.” comes a voice from inside.  Things are changing and shifting so rapidly that I can hardly keep up with myself.

If all goes well with my new landlords, I am moving to Colorado in a month.  Moving. In. A. Month.

I cannot explain on a logical level why I want to move.  My life here is incredibly great.  I live in my dream home.  It’s 15 minutes from the airport.  Driving distance to many friends from Ojai to the North to San Diego to the South.  And my sister is here.  I have a view of the ocean.  And a workout regime, I absolutely love that I’m willing to do 2-3 times per week.

And yet, my soul is telling me to move to Colorado.  Where it’s cold.  Very cold.

But, it looks like we’re going.  And the beat goes on.