by Sheri McConnell
Excerpted from Smart Women Know Their Why

Faith is a big part of living a successful life and being a successful entrepreneur.  My secret is deciding to have faith in myself more than any type of external force.  Notice I said the word “decision” because that is where it starts. My journey has taught me that I always intuitively know which direction to head next and when I look to find answers outside of myself, I always end up off the path a bit. It took me until I was well into my thirties to be able to trust others because of not having established trust in any form whatsoever during my childhood.  For me, I had to have my own family and connect with the love I had for them to be able to trust myself and others.

The deeper reason it is important to be able to trust is because your heart must be full and complete in order to bring out the passion and joy for yourself and others in your life.  The feeling of trust will penetrate the walls surrounding a broken heart, the pain from being alone or feeling alone.  Just like you, others have been in the dark and are searching for what you now know to be true. They are searching to believe in themselves in the darkest moments of their being.  This is trust at its core.

So let’s talk about a few ways to learn to trust yourself so you can be empowered to live the life of your dreams which could mean grow a very profitable business, or have a huge family, author a series of books, or travel the world and meet exciting people—shoot your dream life could include all of these—mine does!

Trust in Balance

If you are moving in “auto-pilot” the heart will not shine and the days will cast heaviness in the center of your body.  Balance will provide the base of being grounded to the truth. Believe in the love you have for yourself and you will come from the deepest parts of your soul.

The fastest way to develop a trusting relationship with balance is connect with nature.  This will bring the balance between work, family, love, and life.  In this connection you will build the foundation that will hold you up in any storm.  So each day work on getting out and just seeing the beauty of nature around you.  This will help make the connection stronger and remind you of just how small we are in the universe.  The more you bring in nature and hold the thought of each molecule and atom circling in your path, the more balanced you will become.

Now, I am aware that I live in San Antonio, Texas and we are blessed with nine months of beautiful weather each year, so I know I am able to connect more often than some—if you live in an area that isn’t as mild as where I live, do whatever you can to create the sounds and smells of nature in your home during the cold months.

Trust in Power

True power will emerge when you are in service. All you have to do is trust that the power is given to you to serve and that if you serve, the world is abundant.  This doesn’t mean when running a business, you don’t charge for products and services.  You can’t produce quality products and services and really help your customers if there isn’t an exchange of money.  Trusting in your own power to lead others through your products and services is the inner structure that allows the new ideas and the new beginnings to come forth.

Trust in Energy

The innocence of childhood energy is what we tap into when we are at our center.  Remember the feeling of being with one self and no cares or a negative thought to speak of. Trust that this energy still exists within you and allow yourself to bring this calmness into your thinking when you are taking on the biggest obstacles and the biggest conflicts. Tapping into this energy will help you to reduce stress and become heart centered. This is the constant energy that is felt by others so they can rejoice in their knowing of this power within them.  And knowing about this energy will help you break the barriers of negative energy in any room.

I have found that our truest sense of self comes from just trusting in our energy and the energy signals we get from others. Your goal is to have no barriers or boundaries where energy is concerned and just be with the energy of each moment. In the present moment, there is no fear, no doubt, just you in your power and experiencing all of life’s joys that are presented to you each day.

Trust in the Journey

A lot of people get stuck in their own journey. They relive the worst parts of it over and over again in a very unloving way.  It becomes a vicious circle of inner self disappointment that circles them right back around to the same place again.  I’ve been there and I get it.

Instead of getting stuck on your journey, take the mistakes you made and will make and love yourself as if you were a child who is learning. Even as adults, in some areas of growth we are only children and we must be gentle with ourselves to truly grow through the journey. What I know to be true is that people are searching for a place of belonging and validation. You can create this for them by being a leader who spreads passion and love.

Remember that your journey is a gift because it provides the wisdom you will need to go out and create positive change in the world. So your goal is to learn from your past and do better as soon as you know better. Be strong and have courage to change. Trust me, I know how hard it is to move past a dysfunctional patterns that have become comfortable.  But the rewards of doing so allow you to stand outside of yourself and get a good look at whom you have been and where you are now.  What surfaces is love. And now you can shine this love for others…. You see, without the journey, you would not have this gift.

Because of my journey (see chapter one), I was able to survive the darkness and now shine a light for others who are now in the shadows of darkness themselves.  They need help from someone who has been there and conquered the fear of internal and external chaos.  I do this by casting light on dark situations and allowing my words to fill the gap between doubt and love.   I invite you to find your passions (your gifts) and cast light for others too.

Want to learn more about Sheri McConnell and her new book, Smart Women Know Their Why? Visit http://www.smartwomenwhy.com

My kids and I are driving from our home in Longmont, CO to our recent past hometown of Hermosa Beach, CA.

We’ll be house sitting in HB for the next three weeks and decided to drive instead of fly so we’d have the car.

Best decision I’ve made in a long time.

I was going to take my mom with us, but when it came time to leave on Saturday, we packed everything up and the car just felt too crowded with all of us.

Plus, I felt like we’d have more freedom if it was just me and the kids (5 years ago, I would not have been able to contemplate three full days with just me and my kids, more about that another time.)

My mom had booked a flight back to LA for Wednesday anyway and she really wasn’t looking forward to the three days in the car so off we went, just the three of us.

90% of the time, it’s been great.

Tonight, right before bed, Kaia, the 10 year old, was being a royal brat and crabby, but I trust that will pass by the time we wake up in the morning.

We’re all tired.

Before I sleep, I wanted to share some of the roadtrip lessons we’ve already had.

1. Say yes whenever possible.

So often, our natural inclination as parents is to say no to our kids. See what happens if you look for ways to say yes as much as possible.

I discovered that I could teach the kids how to reward themselves instead by coming up with their own alternative solutions to the possibility of no.

Of course, you also have to say no to the right things and hold the line.  This lesson applies equally to business – it seems we often have our yesses and nos messed up in life and business.  I’ll be writing more about this soon.

2. Focus on what you want.

I find my kids often focused on what they don’t want. The unfairness of a situation. Something a sibling said or did.

It’s conditioning that is present for most of us.  A constant focus on what we don’t want.  It takes consistent reminding and reframing – focus on what you do want.

3. If you lose money, don’t beat yourself up. Forgive yourself and learn from the experience.

Kaia and Noah had $90 in an envelope, given to them by my grandma and step-mom.

It was all there and then $50 wasn’t.

Kaia couldn’t stop thinking about the lost money.  She asked me if I’d ever lost money – yep, sure have.

Then, she began herself up for losing it. A common pattern we create for ourselves again and again.

To break it, I had her focus on the lesson she learned (don’t carry money in an envelope) from losing the money.

Then, we talked about how nothing that is truly hers can be taken from her and if the $50 is supposed to be with her, it’ll be back.

She immediately began thinking of ways to earn the money again. (Look for our lemonade stand on the Hermosa Beach Strand next week.)

4. Take personal responsibility for your part of whatever happens and forgive the rest.

My kids fight quite a bit (when Kaia told me “Mom, we’re kids, it’s normal to fight”, I knew I had to get my show the Catalyst out into the world) and this idea of personal responsibility is the major thread I run throughout all their conflict.

Of course, they each want to give me the story of what the other one did and I’m constantly redirecting them to think about their own part in the fight.

It’s tough, they are so conditioned to blame that they are resistant to looking at their own part.

And sometimes, they truly didn’t appear to have a part in it (i.e., Noah jumps on Kaia in the pool with no apparent provocation) and that’s where forgiveness comes in.  Forgive, forgive, forgive – yourself and everyone else.

5. Always put sunscreen on the white kid.

And speaking of forgiveness, I have to forgive myself for not putting sunscreen on Noah this morning at the Hot Springs.

His shoulders are burned and he’s hurtin.  I forget just how fair his skin is until a couple of unprotected hours in the sun.

So, that’s the last lesson for today – always sunscreen the white kid, always.  I’m working on teaching him personal responsibility around that as well.

I’ve already got a couple of businesses though and knew I couldn’t invest the time and energy necessary to give this one what it would need.

I set the intention to find someone I could build it with and shortly afterward thought I found just the right person in the mastermind group I had begun to participate in.  But, as we began to move forward she discovered a renewed commitment to her own business and handed the project back to me.

Rather than taking the whole thing on myself, I let it go once again, trusting that when the time was right it would happen.   (BTW, that’s generally a difficult thing for me to do – when I catch a vision and it sticks, I have a strong drive to move forward on it, which is how I end up doing so many things – but, I began to exercise patience, restraint and, yes, trust.)

It looks like the time might be right now.  IF 10 or so moms can come together to truly build something extraordinary based on a radically new business model of trust, common values, and without ego.

Over the past few months, I’ve found myself connecting with a community of mompreneurs who are each individually committed to serving moms in business.  A couple of these moms are already doing that in their own primary businesses.  A few are doing it in the way I am here, when they can fit it in amongst their other primary business activities.  A few want to serve moms in business, but haven’t figured out how it fits in with everything else they are doing.

We’ve gotten on the phone twice now to birth the beginnings of something that has the power to be transformational for mommy business™ owners throughout the world, if we can move beyond our own egoic desires for recognition and validation.  And when I talk about “we”, that by all means includes me.

As moms of young children and business owners, we are pulled in so many directions.  To even think about building something that will impact the world on the level I’m visioning will require full cooperation and using our greatest tools for working together.

It will give each of us real life opportunity to show up as the embodiment of our highest selves.  What does that look like when real life restrictions of time and money are present and we are coming together to build a business that creates real change and is far greater than any one of us individually?

I look forward to finding out!

The ultimate mommy business™ we birth is one in which all owners of the business will be equal.

Conflicts will be worked out with open communication.  Additional c0-business owners will be added only upon 100% consensus of everyone involved.  Participation is and always will be 100% voluntary  – our governing agreement will have clear provisions about what contribution looks like and clear “out” provisions for those who are not able to continue to contribute.

Some will contribute money.  Others time.  Each of us, our deepest gifts.

Is it really possible?  I believe so.  I’m holding the space and the vision.  And I say yes!

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

I’m here in Longmont, Colorado (outside of Boulder) at my girlfriend Martha’s house.

Martha is one of the girlfriends I talked about several weeks ago.  Like Martha, her house is absolutely beautiful and even with 8 kids here somehow it manages to seem hardly messy at all.

Martha’s in law school at University of Denver, studying for her last final and working on a domestic violence case for which she is guardian ad litem.  She’s handling all of it with far more poise and calm than I would have when I was in law school.

While I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by the food and exercise commitments I’ve made, they are eased by being with my girlfriends who know how to do things like make salads and healthy meals (these are things that boggle my mind!) and make sure I’m adequately fed.

So much great stuff happened yesterday, that I’m not even sure where to start.  I’m definitely shifting a whole lot of energy as part of the 40 Days and Nights Program with Kristin and David Morelli.

Okay, so let’s start with the email I received from my nanny.

As you’ll recall, we’ve been having some challenges in this area.  Notably, my daughter has been telling me for a long while that she just doesn’t like the nanny and I had decided to make a switch, realizing that truthfully I haven’t been getting my needs met either.

Truth be told, we all knew 6 months ago that it wasn’t working, but I kept trying to make it work because my mind told me it was easier to stick with what I had than to start the whole process of finding someone new again.

How often have you done that? With relationships?  And employees? With houses and offices.  Of course, we all do!

Our minds trick us in this way.  Because the truth is, you know when you are merely tolerating something and when you really LOVE something.  Right?

Far too many of us are merely tolerating.

Side note:  At Ali Brown’s Platinum Mastermind meeting, she walked us through a release of tolerations exercise and this is when I started to get really clear about how I was holding back the joy I could have in my life by holding on to things I was merely tolerating and didn’t really love.

So, anyway, I’ve been tolerating the nanny.  I could tell she wasn’t happy working for us, but I could also feel she was trying to make it work.

Well, the whole truth about how unhappy she really is came out last night and boy was it a doozy.  She wrote me an email that can only be called a crucifixion!

Before I left for Colorado, I let her know how unhappy I was about her energy in the house.  I was no longer willing to tolerate it and if she was going to be with us another 6 weeks, I needed it to be different.

What I heard from our discussion is that it couldn’t be different.  I got that she was doing the best she could.

I also became strongly aware that it just wasn’t good enough and I was done compromising.  I told her I’d begin looking for someone else right away instead of trying to stick it out another 6 weeks.  What I didn’t know then is how quickly I’d have to find that someone else!

Part of our meditation in the 40days program was to really take a look at the people closest to us in our life.  Energy is contagious.

And the energy my nanny was putting out was clearly rubbing off on me.  It wasn’t something I could tolerate any longer.

Well, the Universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, my ex-husband had an incident with a friend of the nanny’s who was doing her homework in my living room after he had specifically told the nanny he didn’t want anyone at the house while we were away.  (In case you didn’t know, my ex-husband lives in the garage apartment behind our house).  Basically, he told her she had to leave.

This incident apparently triggered a lot of emotions for my nanny and she wrote me a scathing email.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say she ripped me apart as a mother and a business woman, totally judged my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my ex, and pretty much everything else about me. Ouch.

In the past, reading it I would have been outraged and hurt.

But, this time, I wasn’t.  I was grateful for her email.  Sure, it was painful to read some of what she wrote.   Much if tapped right into the guilt feelings I carry around as a mom entrepreneur trying to have it all and do it all.

Mostly I was grateful though because these are longheld feelings that she’s been stuffing down to try and make it work.  And it was these feelings that my kids felt and the reason they didn’t like her.  And it was these feelings that were seeping negative energy into our house.

So, I thanked her for her thoughts and told her that not only did she not have to live up to her commitment to give us 4 weeks notice, but that she wouldn’t have to spend another day caring for my kids.  I definitely don’t want her around my kids feeling like she does about me and my family and my way of parenting!

So, I’m going to figure it out – somehow.  I know God will provide all the support I need.  And even though I’m going on a week long vacation without my kids and leaving a week from Monday (!) I know it’ll all work out a-ok!

In the meantime, take a look at who’s living in your house, both figuratively and literally.  You are a reflection of the people who are closest to you.  What energies are they putting out?  What energy are you tolerating around you?  You don’t have to do it anymore.  Focus on raising your energy and watch how the people who can’t match that energy one by one drop away.

Side note #2: this process has been an ongoing process for me since my divorce and what I’ve learned is that as I raise my energy, people have dropped away.  Back in the beginning when that happened, I thought it was permanent.  That anyone who dropped away would be gone forever.  I’ve come to know that’s not true.  As an example, my ex-husband dropped away until he could raise his energy vibration to a point where we could be around each other again and now we have an amazing, supportive, loving relationship.  So, don’t worry too much about losing people who are really important to you as you raise your own energetic vibration.  If they are supposed to be in your life, they will come back when they are ready.

Okay, time to go play with the kids.  I didn’t even get a chance to tell you how in the midst of all this I manifested a Mercedes!  I’ll have to save that for later or tomorrow.  It’s an exciting story that really goes to show you how perfect it all really is when you open up to the possibilities.

Oh, and how I taught my son that people like to be around friendly, easy-going, fun people and that’s okay to be angry, pissed off and frustrated, but that it’s probably a good idea to take quiet time alone when you feel that way because people don’t really enjoy being around angry, frustrated pissed off people.  More on that another time too.

Photo credit: Makani5