I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately. Not really with anything in particular and with everything at the same time.

One of my companies is in what Seth Godin calls The Dip, my 10 year old daughter is cranky and moody, my son broke his arm, and I’ve had limited time for my spiritual practice.

It might sound odd to hear this, but even with all that, I’m thrilled with my life. Pretty much.

The pretty much comes from a part of me that is not happy with my life and is not getting it’s needs met.

It’s my girl. The one inside who I don’t let out often enough.  The dreadlocked, tattooed, skirt-wearing, hippie girl.

She’s not too happy with the situation going on over here.

She wants a whole lot more freedom. To twirl and dance. To party all the time.

She wants to laugh. And feel.

She doesn’t care about the big house, flying first class and eating at fancy restaurants. She wants to run and jump and play. She wants to be outside and do art. And paddle-board. She definitely wants to paddle-board. In Hawaii.

And since she’s not getting any of that right now, she’s punishing me with negative behaviors, primarily in the form of whining and complaining.

I contain it and manage her, but she’s becoming unmanageable.

Hm, no wonder my daughter is whining and complaining as if she has PMS at only 10 years old.

Everything we experience is an out-picturing of our inner consciousness. She’s merely reflecting my girl back to me. Which is fitting since she is, well, my girl.

Did you ever notice that?

If a part of you is cranky and tired and whining, that will be projected on someone around you.

And when you are feeling resolved inside and have addressed the needs of all of your parts, everyone else around you seems more at peace as well?

Well, thank God for girlfriends because I’ve been struggling with an internal “what’s wrong” for a few weeks now and I couldn’t understand it because while there are a few hard things happening, overall so much is going so right:

• new CEO coming into company to help us through the Dip (what Les Mckeown calls Whitewater)
• clients are having huge successes (one of our Personal Family Lawyers began her firm in January and she engaged 9 new clients this month and already has 5 on the books for April)
• I’m meeting my daughter’s needs even though she is a crankypants without raising my voice or getting angry and my son’s broken arm is healing without surgery
• we are about to close on a farm about 20 minutes away from my house where we are going to have an organic farm, and
• despite that I don’t have marketing energy people are lining up to hear about the money map to freedom, which means my money map is working.

But, it took a lazy Sunday afternoon conversation with my girlfriend Sandy Grason to see “what’s wrong” and what I could do to fix it.

More focus on my personal spiritual practice.

I’ve given my business all my spiritual practice time over the last several months.

Putting LIFT in place in my own business, getting my money map running, seeing what I wasn’t seeing.

Those have been my spiritual practices in the recent months.

It’s time for me to take back some of my time and come home to me. When I do, I’ll rediscover the gratitude and truly be able to serve at the deepest level.

It’s time to rediscover my own personal spiritual practice.

Sandy’s began with journaling and she wrote a book about it – Journalution.

While I want writing to be enough of a regular spiritual practice for me, it’s really not.

My practice is something that must combine my body and breath and bring me out of my intellect and in connection with that part of me that is not being heard, my girl.

Ariana Hall, another girlfriend of mine, helped me recently understand more about these various parts of myself.

My awareness after working with her  is that whenever something is “wrong” it’s because I’m missing a communication from one of these parts of myself.

So, my practice will give my girl time and attention to be heard and felt.

As I understand more about what it looks like on a daily basis, I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, what’s your spiritual practice? Our natural state is joy, freedom and lightness.

If that’s not YOUR natural state, inquire into that.

And consider the possibility that all you need to get “better” is practice.

Several months ago, I heard Marianne Williamson speak at an event.

I asked her about the idea of combining spirituality with the business side of business.  The legal, insurance, financial and tax parts of business.

Her response was “Do Your Work.”

At the time, I thought she meant that I needed to re-immerse myself in my own spiritual practice.

Looking back now with the benefit of all that has happened since then I realize that the work she was talking about was not what I thought at all.

It wasn’t about more meditation.

The “work” I had to do was my work, the work of LIFT (my signature system for getting the business of your business on a solid foundation) in my own life and business.

I had to start looking at what I wasn’t looking at.  My messy books.  My lack of legal agreements.  Having no business insurance.  Unclear job descriptions.

Little did I know at the time that looking at those things would or could be a spiritual practice.  That doing my own work on my own business would bring up all my old patterns and fears.  It would show me what I really believed, underneath all the words, thoughts and actions.

And it would starkly show me where I wasn’t being true.

As I created my LIFT Foundation System and began to take the steps to do the LIFT work in my own business, a major shift began to happen.

I began to see what I hadn’t been seeing.  I saw exactly why I had given up on the dream and it wasn’t at all what I thought.

I began to see where I was holding back (and holding on too tightly) because of the fear that I didn’t really have what it took.  And I saw that when it came to the business parts of my business (the LIFT parts), I didn’t.

Sure, I had a great business from the outside.  It made lots of money and helped a lot of people.  But peek behind the curtain and there were a lot of shadows.  Drama.  Tears.  A company culture I wasn’t proud of.

As I’ve done my own work on my own business, the dream I had once let go of has been re-ignited and along with it the resources to make it a reality.

Just this week, I brought a CEO into my company.

I chose him as opposed to others I spoke with because he is committed to creating a company culture based on congruence, open communication, and community.  All things I stand for and believe in, but wasn’t really living in my own business.

I didn’t know how.  I was taught to manage and lead from the example of the law firm partners I grew up under.  Poor role models to say the least.

But, I didn’t know any other way to be.  The patterned behavior so ingrained.

It took a commitment to LIFT my business and do my own work on myself and my business to see the truth of what was needed and to admit that it was beyond my own capacity to bring forth.

Hitch will run the day to day operations of the company, lead the team,  carry out the initiatives and cultivate the company culture.

That means I’ll get to do what I do best – dream, create, innovate.  Appear in the media.  Write books.  Teach.  And not spend so much time on the business part of my business – the parts that do not bring me energy and joy.

But, here’s the big secret that so many of us miss.

Before I could attract this level of help, I had to admit I needed it.  I had to face and do those things I didn’t want to look at and didn’t want to do – the LIFT things.

I had to be willing to get the basics in place so he could see I was serious about this business.  And once I became willing to do my own work, it made space for him to show up.

The process we went through to document the agreement governing our relationship alone was eye-opening.  Our line by line open-hearted discussion of the agreement told me he was the right one.

Someone of his caliber, experience and possibility never would have been attracted to come on-board if my books hadn’t been ready, if I hadn’t had a semblance of foundation in place.  My personal expenses completely separate from the business.  My three businesses all with their own entities, balance sheets, bank accounts, and projections.

I wonder … does this apply to you as well?

Not the part about LIFT.  I KNOW that does. You NEED to face the business of your business from a place of empowerment, not fear, head on. (And I can help you do it and make it a whole lot easier.)

I mean the part about needing to do your own work on yourself?  Do you want to help others, but find yourself not serving at the level you wish you were?  It could be because you need to help yourself first.

Maybe you are a marketing consultant/coach without a clear marketing plan.  Or perhaps you are a communications expert with a fuzzy message.  Or a spiritual teacher without a personal practice.

Do your work on yourself and watch what happens.

My life is turning upside down.  I’m on the razor’s edge of exhilarated and scared to death. And I freakin’ love it.  Why would I love to live on the razor’s edge?  Because …

We are here to feel.

Ten years ago I stopped feeling in the name of security and comfort. Once I woke up from the numbness, I swore I’d never be okay with that again.

I made a promise to myself. Numb will not be my way of being even when it feels like the safest way to be.

I  insist on feeling no matter what and will not settle for any situation that requires me to hold myself in or shut down.

Being conscious requires feeling.  It requires connection to and awareness of self.   When I’m numb, I’m lost.

Can you feel it?

What brings me that feeling of aliveness is transformation. Change.

And I’m in the midst of it now.

Six weeks ago, I moved from Los Angeles to Colorado.

In just a few days, my online home will be moved as well. The Intrepid Mompreneur blog will transform into a new blog … Life, Business & The Pursuit of Truth.

Here’s a picture of the IM blog in its current state as I write this so when you are reading this post a few weeks from now, you’ll have a point of comparison.

The nature of my relationship with Dave is changing.

My business is transforming.

Everything. Is. Changing.

Friday night at the mastermind Dave and I were leading, I had a session with Tim Kelley, one of my coaches. (If you get a chance to work with Tim, take it – his process is amazing.)

Afterward, I felt this tingling aliveness (and also quite a bit of fear) as I saw that within 6 months every single thing in my life could be 180 degrees different.

I want to talk about all of it here, publicly, for all of you to read and see.

But before I do, Dave reminds me to examine that desire. Is it from a place of truth or conditioning?  What is the motivation behind it?

Do you share all your stuff publicly as it’s happening? Or do you wait until it’s complete?  If you do, do you know what your motivation is? Does it matter?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

My honey is waiting for me to come to bed, but I wanted to let you know that I shared some of the learnings I gained on my last Play a Bigger Game NOW call.

When you subscribe to my Facebook fan page (wish it was called something else), you get those calls each month for free and can get access to the archived calls as well.

So, jump on over to my page, click the “become a fan” button and then go check your updates tab for the deets on how to access the calls.

If you already are a fan, go check out your updates tab now.  The info on how to get the recordings and listen in on future calls is there.

[8/27/2010 UPDATE:  You can now get all of the 2009 Play a Bigger Game calls for FREE when you subscribe to this blog. They are part of the Life & Business Growth Kit up there in the upper right hand corner.]

I’ll have some photos posted soon, but for now on the fan page you can see one with me and my partners in fun, my private coaching client and very close friend Max Simon and one of his clients and now another great friend, Aaron Ross.

When our RV broke down on the way to Burning Man we had to use all of our manifestation skills to make it to the event by Monday.  And we did it!  You’ll absolutely want to hear how because what we did can be used anytime you confront a massive roadblock in your life or your business.

It really works whether you are trying to get to Burning Man or trying to build a million dollar company or trying to get your kids to do what you want them to do.  I share the specifics on my Play a Bigger Game call, get it on the fan page.

PS – while everyone else’s kids are back to school, mine are not.  Yep, we are officially homeschooling.   And maybe even unschooling.  The whole things is quite scary, but I’m being afraid and doing it anyway.  I hope you are doing that in your life a few places too.  It’s where the growth happens.  Ciao for now.

PPS – one lesson I didn’t talk about on the Play a Bigger Game Now call this month, but I will next month is that Burning Man teaches you how to be radically okay with whoever you are and however you show up in the world.  When you can really do this, life becomes truly exciting and joyful.

Maybe if I share it with you, it will actually sink in and I can embody it instead of just know it’s true on an intellectual level.

Ok, so here it is.

I need to let go of control and trust more.

That’s all nice and easy to say, but let’s take a look at what that really means in my life and why it’s so hard to do.

Before we do, let me say this – I am going to do it. I am going to trust and let go. Starting now, in this moment. And it’s going to be okay if I have to start over in every moment because I forget.  I’m going to do it.

The alternative is too freakin’ painful. For you too, I bet. Maybe you’ve numbed yourself to the pain (I lived that way for a long, long time), but eventually you’ll feel it and when you do, you’ll have to learn to let go and trust.

Maybe this will help.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #1:  My kids and screen time.

I am a single mom raising two kids and running multiple businesses from my home.  My kids love to watch TV and play video games.  I need to stop stressing out about the amount of screen time they get and let it be as it is, trusting that sending them to camp & spending an hour or two of focus time with them throughout the day is enough for most days with 6-7 hours each day on weekends and the occasional mid-week 3-4 hour focus.

It hurts me to even write that because there’s a part of me that doesn’t think that’s enough.  There’s a part of me (the part that wanted my mom to spend all her time with me, I guess) that believes I should be spending a whole lot more time playing games and reading to my kids.

But, it’s just not realistic at this time.  And I feel like crap about it though I hide it really well most of the time.  Or at least I think I do.

So, I’m going to accept what is and stop thinking it should be some other way.  I’m doing the best I can.  I love to work.  I love to be able to work here at home while my kids play with their friends, play on the computer and watch TV.

And I’m going to trust that it’s all okay.  My kids won’t grow up with mind-rot.  I watched a boatload of TV when I was a kid – Brady Bunch, Laverne & Shirley, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, Three’s Company, One Day at a Time, Dynasty, Love Boat.  These were the shows that taught me my values, such as they were.

I guess that’s what I don’t want.  I don’t want my kids raised by the television.

And now I can see that even when they get lots of screen time, it’s the teachable moments that I’m present for because I get to run my companies from home that are the important part.

I’m sure I’ll get some dissenting views, people who think I should be home with my kids and not running a business or earning money at all.  They are the outer representation of my inner critic, so of course they will be appear in reality until I’ve cleared the guilt/thoughts from my own consciousness.

It helped tonight when my mom told me it’s okay for my kids to watch tv or play on the computer.  Still need her validation, I guess.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #2:  My TV show.

I know I’m supposed to have my own TV show or be a major player in a multi-personality show.  For the past couple years, I’ve been alternatively stressing and wondering if it will ever happen, taking action on things I believe will help it happen more quickly and/or deciding I don’t want no stinkin’ TV show anyway.  Sometimes all at once.

When I was in Maui, I decided I wasn’t going to stress about it anymore, but I wasn’t going to wait around either.

My life is far too instructive to not let you in so you can see what’s possible in your own life, no matter how crazy and chaotic things are sometimes.

So rather than wait for someone else to catch the vision, I decided to just begin.  And the Mommy Business Live TV series was born.  Since then, I’ve stopped stressing out about whether the tv show will ever happen off the internet.  It either will or it won’t, but my anxiety about it won’t make it happen any faster.

So, I’ve been happily taping activities in my daily life and sharing them with you.  I haven’t been able to get the very best stuff (like when my kids are freaking out and I’m dealing with it much differently than most people, I think) because during those times I’m too in the situation to whip out the camera.

Even without that though, I’ve gotten some pretty great stuff, I think.  Dave handling one of my moods in typical Dave fashion is my favorite so far.

In fact, I think I got some pretty great footage last week – took my kids with me to the training conference for my Personal Family Lawyers and then we stayed over for some vacation with Dave and his kids.  Lots of juice.  Kids on a business trip.  Behind the scenes of the conference I was hosting.  Dave’s kids and my kids.  Even a fishing trip during which my kids caught 8 whoppers!

Unfortunately, you may never see any of that footage because I left one of my Flip video cameras at the hotel and it’s possibly lost and my other Flip is freezing up.

I could spend the next couple of hours stressing out and trying to fix the frozen Flip or try to locate the lost one, but there’s far too much on my plate.  I need to let it go and trust that for some reason you aren’t supposed to see that footage.  I need to let it go and trust that not being able to record a video for you tonight was fine.  No, not fine … perfect.

And, in fact, it is because I’m writing this blog post instead and apparently writing is what is needed now.  How do I know that?  Because it’s what’s happening.

If I’m supposed to have a TV show on network TV, I will.  But no more stress about it.  At least not for tonight.

The truth is that it’s all happening.  I’ve been asked to do a live internet television show for moms.  I’ve met with a producer who loves the Mommy Business and wants to move it forward.  Trust and let go.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #3:  My own time behind the screen.

I spend a lot of time in front of my computer.

I may have mentioned this before already (perhaps a few times) … I’m running two businesses from my home, one a multi-milion dollar business that’s transforming the way lawyers are with their clients and the other on track to possibly hit 7-figures this year.

Both of them pretty much start-ups and growing substantially each month.

Along with that comes a whole lot of stuff for me to do.  It’s just the way it is.

Let’s take a look at just this week:

1. I promoted and hosted a call teaching lawyers how to engage the prospects who call their office.
2. I’m in the middle of teaching a teleconference series to business owners on the  legal, insurance, financial and tax systems necessary to have a rock-solid foundation primed for growth.
3. I’m preparing for a huge, innovative launch dreamed up by me and Dave and recruiting affiliates for that campaign, which kicks off with an affiliate training call this Tuesday.
4. And, I’m giving a 90-minute presentation at the Los Angeles County Bar Association Small and Solo Firm Conference on how lawyers in small and solo firms can have it all and do it all.

It’s all happening and it’s all happening right now!   The truth is, I love it and it’s very unlikely that I’ll just be involved with one business, ever.  It’s not my nature.  I LOVE business.  I love starting new businesses and creating and planning and executing.  And I’m busy and it’s perfect.  When it’s not anymore, it’ll be different.

And because I’m doing so many things at once, not all of them are going to move as quickly as I’d like.  Which brings me to the 4th thing I need to let go of and trust about and will have to be the last thing for tonight because I can only make so much progress at a time.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #4:  Who, Where, and When

I cannot control the who, where and when of anything even though I really really want to!  I can only control What and Why … and even then only somewhat.

I get to choose the what I do, be, have and the why that drives the what.  (And I’m only really choosing when I’m acting from a place of awareness instead of reacting, which isn’t even all the time yet.)

But, I cannot control who shows up, where or when they are ready.

And because I’m involved in so many things, I also need to cut myself slack on the “if only I worked harder at it” more people would show up front.  Tonight, I was a stressed out that our call is on Tuesday and many of the people I thought would sign up to be there haven’t yet and I don’t feel like I have time or energy to remind them again about the call.

I know it will be great for them, but I can’t control it.  I have to let go and trust that the right people will be there.

If you are reading this and you serve business owners and want to put money in your pocket this summer, get your message in front of tens of thousands by the end of July, bring more business in for your business over the long-term and cement your relationship with your list forever, you’ll be on Tuesday’s call even if I don’t do another thing.

The right people will show up so long as I’m putting my best possible effort into it … because it’s perfect.  So long as I continue moving forward in faith and taking inspired action, the Universe will reward me with everything I need.

I’ve come to accept I may not get everything I want when I want it, but I’ll always get what I need for my highest and best good.  All I have to do is do my best with the resources I have available in any given moment and keep moving forward guided by what deeply inspires me.  And let go of control and trust.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell

All business owners would benefit from serious personal spiritual work.  Why?

Because the single most important factor when it comes to your business success is believing in yourself (self-confidence) and accepting yourself for who you truly are (self-acceptance) and those only come with some serious spiritual backing.

Without growth work, self-confidence is often a masquerade of the ego.  Self-acceptance a charade.

While I was financially and apparently successful before I embarked on my spiritual journey, I operated in a nearly perpetual state of fear and anxiety.  It all depended on me and I was constantly afraid of dropping a ball.  The weight of the world was on my shoulders.

Today, thanks to my spiritual work, I know something far bigger than me has got my back and no matter what I’m always taken care of.

I can rely on my true Self to always ensure my needs are met and to provide me with real security that comes from knowing I’ll never let myself down.  Not to say I won’t fail.  I’ve done that (and will continue to do that) a lot.  But, I’ll always get right back up and try again because I have the faith of knowing my life is about something bigger.

Image courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons artist Alicepopkorn

I am.

That’s one of the benefits of playing a bigger game.  When you do, you begin to hear a congruent message echoing throughout your world.  It’s a message of love, hope and promise.

Once that happens, you begin to experience the reality of that in your life too.

When you begin to listen, you start to hear a still, small voice inside of you that speaks the truth and is aware of the truth.  You will also begin to be conscious of the BS (belief systems) thinking that creates wars, lawsuits, and terrorism.

What you might hear if you pay attention is that you are the perpetuator of this BS. Like gossip, bullying and pranks, which at their worst can lead to the deaths of innocent people and at their best merely leaves a wake of hurt feelings and dis-ease.

If you become aware that you are perpetuating these mustard seeds of war, stop.  Now.  Forgive yourself and make a promise to never do it again.  This is your opportunity to become aware so you can “be the change you want to see in the world” for real.

If you listen, you may also hear that you are at the core of something amazing.  That the only gossip you indulge in is of the sort in which you talk about how amazing people are in your life.   How much you enjoy them and their gifts.

You may even congratulate yourself for being the type of person who if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone or something, you say nothing at all.  Like your mom always told you.  That was some good advice!

Last week, in my class at Agape, we did something called spiritual gossip.  It’s such a beautiful practice to be sitting in front of two people who are sitting behind your back talking about you and saying the most beautiful, loving, caring things.

You realize they don’t know you anymore than the people who may be talking behind your back and saying not so wonderful things and you learn to welcome all of it and focus your attention on yourself and being the type of person you want to be and stop worrying about the rest.

When you stop to listen, you’ll start to hear it.  The consistent message of love, hope and promise.  It’s in the air.  Let me know when you hear it.

While I was the one being interviewed, it was just what I needed!

So often, when we find ourselves sharing our advice with someone else, it turns out to be exactly what we need to hear ourselves.

Today, it was about how not to get sucked into the common thinking of lack, limitation and scarcity.

To some degree, lack, limitation and scarcity is my baseline, passed on to me by my genetic code.  So, it’s a constant internal battle to keep my small mind at bay and stay focused on the higher truth I know is reality.

Especially when the more I shine my light, the more people show up in my life who seem to believe they are entitled to a share of what I’ve been building.

As my energy rises, I’m aware of the people who are showing up, specifically it seems, to pull that energy down.

If I allow it, I could easily be sucked into the common thinking that tells me I’m being taken advantage of, ripped off, walked all over or that I should battle to the end for what is rightfully mine.

But, that’s not who I am.  I am love.  And so long as I can stay in the awareness of that, I can continue to shine brightly undulled by the clouds of negativity.

So, how do I do it?

I read.  I listen.  I go within.

Here are some of my favorite resources for staying immersed in the awareness of what’s real even when (especially when) I’m dealing with major challenges that make my mind/ego want to fight for its life:

A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle

Spiritual Liberation, by Michael Bernard Beckwith

Broken Open, by Elisabeth Lesser

Inspiration, by Wayne Dyer

Loving What Is, by Byron Katie

I read uplifting Tweets posted by people like @kendrathornbury and @TheEntertainer

And I set up a column in Tweetdeck for people who inspire me, uplift me and make me smile with their joyousness  (like @barefoot_exec, @unmarketing, @perrybelcher, @marismith,  @feelgoodguru, @lotusamy and @mediastarr and the folks who post their morning gratitude at #amgrat, celebrate their manifestations each evening at #pmceleb, express their gratitude all day long at #gratx and spread the love at #loverage) and anytime I’m feeling low energy during the day, I can look to that column for a little pick me up.

And, I get quiet.

When I find myself feeling put upon, taken advantage of, overburdened or overwhelmed, I walk away.  I read something True or put on my headphones and listen to a recording.  Then, I sit quietly.  And I wait for the awareness of the Truth to permeate my soul and once again radiate through me.

It all started on my 35th birthday with the whole Motrin Moms thing, which I am reluctant to dredge back up, but at the same time feel somewhat unresolved with, so I feel that reluctance along with a simultaneous compulsion to write about it and get it resolved.

It has to do with taking things personally and being outraged, but I have not been able to put my finger on what I wanted to say about those things.

Until this past week when I momentarily took something personally and became outraged (which I’ll tell you all about in a minute) and then became aware that its taking things personally and being easily outraged that most block our emotional and financial well-being and growth.

When we take things personally and are easily outraged, we become stuck.

The less I take things personally and get outraged about anything, the happier I am in life and the more I am able to manifest on the physical plane.

The less I take things personally and get outraged, the healthier I feel. The more content, I am, without dulling my ambitious nature.

I am able to stay ambitious, driven and on-purpose, but with an overall sense of calm knowing that everything is all right.

The frenetic need to make things happen and the constant fear that somehow I am missing something or missing out on something decreases each day I maintain my center and don’t take things personally or move into outrage.

I’ve spent the last several years learning a lot about personal growth and spirituality.  And, it seems to me that everyone wants the same experience, for the most part.

Peace, contentment, satisfaction, and joy.

The path to these experiences is different for everyone … or maybe it’s not.  Maybe, all it takes (as if it were that easy!) is to not take things personally and not get outraged so easily.

I am able to see that taking things personally and getting outraged easily are signposts for my personal degree of awareness.

When I see these signposts in my own experience, it means I’ve fallen asleep, lost consciousness in the literal sense, on the spiritual plane.  Just as the ability to stay centered and calm, even when  I disagree with someone or some event, is one of my signposts for wellness, prosperity, abundance.

It’s like there are two versions of Alexis – the little Alexis and the big Alexis.  When I am aware, I am operating at a higher frequency, my responses are thought through with love and compassion.  For myself and those around me.

When I’m not, little Alexis shows up and makes all the decisions.  Reaction city.  Reactions to annoyances that are more dramatic than necessary.

This all crystallized for me this past Tuesday when I woke up and got an email from Dave saying that he had missed his flight.

My initial, knee-jerk reaction was outrage, judgment, fear, and anger.  My mind screamed “how could he be so stupid” and asked “what’s wrong with him?”

I took his plight personally.  Momentarily, I even made it my fault.  I should have checked his ticket and noticed the date.  How could I let this happen? Then, I snapped out of the patterned response and asked God to show me the way to compassion, love and release.

Within a short time,  I was able to remind myself that he’s a grown man who does not need mommy to monitor his travel plans or to fix this for him.

I halted my outrage in its tracks and reminded myself that it had nothing to do with me.  This was his experience and he’d handle it.  All I had to do is sit back and watch what happened.

I didn’t need to fix it, judge it, or worry about it.

Here’s the cool thing, he handled it great!  Far better than he would have if I’d been harping on him that he did something “wrong” and shared my initial reactions with him.

Instead, when I talked to him, I transformed my anger into compassion, told him that I was so sorry for his being stuck in the airport on Christmas and that I loved him.

I’ll let him tell you the whole story himself, but the short of it is that it was a wild ride that ended up with him flying first class all the way through from Los Angeles and getting to Massachusetts in time for his family’s Christmas party.

It definitely would not have come out as well had I gotten outraged, as was my first inclination.

The bottom line?

Notice when you are taking things personally and getting outraged.  Make the conscious decision to not do it.  Ask for the guidance you need to replace those thoughts and emotions with compassion and love, for yourself and those around you.

So, to bring this all back around to the way I started, referencing the Motrin Moms dealio, which brought all of this up for me in the first place.

When I wrote the Motrin moms post, what I intended to say is what I’ve written here.

What was heard by the mommy community was quite different.  So different, in fact, that when one of my team members approached a few moms to write about the work I’m doing to put in place legal plans that ensure kids are taken care of in the right way and the free website I’ve created where parents can name legal guardians for their kids free, she was told “hell no” (and a few other choice words I won’t write here because this is a family blog) because this mom was still upset about my role in the whole Motrin Moms situation.

Then, I heard that another mom apparently emailed the entire Silicon Valley Moms Blog community, where I used to blog for the LA Moms Blog and told them to NEVER do anything with me again. (For the record, I have not independently verified this – it could be just a rumor).

Wow.  That’s some serious outrage.

As I thought about this and whether I should try and get through to these outraged moms, I decided that some people are my people, some people are not my people.  And, I take none of it personally.