When I was preggers with Noah (now 7), I was working full time at the biglaw firm.

The day before I went into labor, I woke up around 2am and was compelled to go into my office and organize my files and pack up some boxes to bring home.

Even though I wasn’t due for a week, some part of me said – do it! So, I did.

I came home later that day, went to sleep and woke up the next day in labor.

Our bodies know. We nest.

For lots of moms nesting looks like shopping for and folding baby clothes, stocking baby supplies, or getting the baby’s room ready.

For mom entrepreneurs, as with most things parenting related, nesting can look quite a bit different.

I thought it was just me, but knew it wasn’t after a couple of recent conversations.

The first is with one of my private coaching clients, Rachel. Rachel is a well known lawyer in the NYC area and she is due with her first in August.

Instead of doing what many women would do and take it easy, she is nesting by building her business.

She’s adding team and building in systems so when the baby comes, she’ll have freedom.  That’s mom entrepreneur nesting for ya.

Then, I was having a conversation with one of my best mastermind girlfriends, Ciara Daykin, who is preggo with her first and due in July.

She is the ultimate entrepreneur (a total empire builder with multiple divisions of her event planning business) and someone asked her if she was nesting.

Her response:

“I nest differently than other women. I’ve been hiring people, getting team strong, writing processes and manuals, and setting up my business to run without me.”

Yep, the nesting of a business woman.

I had just graduated law school was newly married and despite living where I grew up, really didn’t have any “in real life” friends.  The few friends I did have in high school were long gone.  And, at only 25, no one else I knew was pregnant yet.

So, I made friends online.

It was perfect.  I had spent the summer as a summer associate being wined and dined by one of the biggest law firms in the world.  I didn’t really have that much work and spent all day in my office surfing the internet researching anything to do with pregnancy and babies.

I stumbled across the November 1999 Moms Email group on Yahoo! Groups or it may have been somewhere else and we migrated over to Yahoo! after a big brouhaha within our original group regarding breastfeeding/formula or maybe it was cry it out/family bed.

Either way, I made my very first group of mommy friends and these amazing women supported me through my pregnancy and the first few years of mom life.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.

In my real life, I was so lonely it was painful. After my clerkship in Miami, I moved to California, away from my family, to start my prestigious full time job as an associate at a big law firm.

I was only 26 years old and from the outside it appeared all my dreams had come true – husband, baby, prestigious job, 6-figure paycheck, etc. …  But, I was so miserable.

My daughter who was just turning 1 cried constantly when I was at work.  My husband was staying home to take care of her and for part of the time his mother (who was dying of cancer) lived with us. I was the only new mom among my law firm colleagues and my husband had very little desire to make any mommy friends.

I felt so alone.  If it wasn’t for my online friends, especially the November 1999 Moms Like Me, I don’t know what I would have done.

Happy Birthday Ladies – each one of you has more than a little credit for the mom I am to Kaia and Noah today.  I love you.

I’ve already got a couple of businesses though and knew I couldn’t invest the time and energy necessary to give this one what it would need.

I set the intention to find someone I could build it with and shortly afterward thought I found just the right person in the mastermind group I had begun to participate in.  But, as we began to move forward she discovered a renewed commitment to her own business and handed the project back to me.

Rather than taking the whole thing on myself, I let it go once again, trusting that when the time was right it would happen.   (BTW, that’s generally a difficult thing for me to do – when I catch a vision and it sticks, I have a strong drive to move forward on it, which is how I end up doing so many things – but, I began to exercise patience, restraint and, yes, trust.)

It looks like the time might be right now.  IF 10 or so moms can come together to truly build something extraordinary based on a radically new business model of trust, common values, and without ego.

Over the past few months, I’ve found myself connecting with a community of mompreneurs who are each individually committed to serving moms in business.  A couple of these moms are already doing that in their own primary businesses.  A few are doing it in the way I am here, when they can fit it in amongst their other primary business activities.  A few want to serve moms in business, but haven’t figured out how it fits in with everything else they are doing.

We’ve gotten on the phone twice now to birth the beginnings of something that has the power to be transformational for mommy business™ owners throughout the world, if we can move beyond our own egoic desires for recognition and validation.  And when I talk about “we”, that by all means includes me.

As moms of young children and business owners, we are pulled in so many directions.  To even think about building something that will impact the world on the level I’m visioning will require full cooperation and using our greatest tools for working together.

It will give each of us real life opportunity to show up as the embodiment of our highest selves.  What does that look like when real life restrictions of time and money are present and we are coming together to build a business that creates real change and is far greater than any one of us individually?

I look forward to finding out!

The ultimate mommy business™ we birth is one in which all owners of the business will be equal.

Conflicts will be worked out with open communication.  Additional c0-business owners will be added only upon 100% consensus of everyone involved.  Participation is and always will be 100% voluntary  – our governing agreement will have clear provisions about what contribution looks like and clear “out” provisions for those who are not able to continue to contribute.

Some will contribute money.  Others time.  Each of us, our deepest gifts.

Is it really possible?  I believe so.  I’m holding the space and the vision.  And I say yes!

Maybe if I share it with you, it will actually sink in and I can embody it instead of just know it’s true on an intellectual level.

Ok, so here it is.

I need to let go of control and trust more.

That’s all nice and easy to say, but let’s take a look at what that really means in my life and why it’s so hard to do.

Before we do, let me say this – I am going to do it. I am going to trust and let go. Starting now, in this moment. And it’s going to be okay if I have to start over in every moment because I forget.  I’m going to do it.

The alternative is too freakin’ painful. For you too, I bet. Maybe you’ve numbed yourself to the pain (I lived that way for a long, long time), but eventually you’ll feel it and when you do, you’ll have to learn to let go and trust.

Maybe this will help.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #1:  My kids and screen time.

I am a single mom raising two kids and running multiple businesses from my home.  My kids love to watch TV and play video games.  I need to stop stressing out about the amount of screen time they get and let it be as it is, trusting that sending them to camp & spending an hour or two of focus time with them throughout the day is enough for most days with 6-7 hours each day on weekends and the occasional mid-week 3-4 hour focus.

It hurts me to even write that because there’s a part of me that doesn’t think that’s enough.  There’s a part of me (the part that wanted my mom to spend all her time with me, I guess) that believes I should be spending a whole lot more time playing games and reading to my kids.

But, it’s just not realistic at this time.  And I feel like crap about it though I hide it really well most of the time.  Or at least I think I do.

So, I’m going to accept what is and stop thinking it should be some other way.  I’m doing the best I can.  I love to work.  I love to be able to work here at home while my kids play with their friends, play on the computer and watch TV.

And I’m going to trust that it’s all okay.  My kids won’t grow up with mind-rot.  I watched a boatload of TV when I was a kid – Brady Bunch, Laverne & Shirley, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, Three’s Company, One Day at a Time, Dynasty, Love Boat.  These were the shows that taught me my values, such as they were.

I guess that’s what I don’t want.  I don’t want my kids raised by the television.

And now I can see that even when they get lots of screen time, it’s the teachable moments that I’m present for because I get to run my companies from home that are the important part.

I’m sure I’ll get some dissenting views, people who think I should be home with my kids and not running a business or earning money at all.  They are the outer representation of my inner critic, so of course they will be appear in reality until I’ve cleared the guilt/thoughts from my own consciousness.

It helped tonight when my mom told me it’s okay for my kids to watch tv or play on the computer.  Still need her validation, I guess.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #2:  My TV show.

I know I’m supposed to have my own TV show or be a major player in a multi-personality show.  For the past couple years, I’ve been alternatively stressing and wondering if it will ever happen, taking action on things I believe will help it happen more quickly and/or deciding I don’t want no stinkin’ TV show anyway.  Sometimes all at once.

When I was in Maui, I decided I wasn’t going to stress about it anymore, but I wasn’t going to wait around either.

My life is far too instructive to not let you in so you can see what’s possible in your own life, no matter how crazy and chaotic things are sometimes.

So rather than wait for someone else to catch the vision, I decided to just begin.  And the Mommy Business Live TV series was born.  Since then, I’ve stopped stressing out about whether the tv show will ever happen off the internet.  It either will or it won’t, but my anxiety about it won’t make it happen any faster.

So, I’ve been happily taping activities in my daily life and sharing them with you.  I haven’t been able to get the very best stuff (like when my kids are freaking out and I’m dealing with it much differently than most people, I think) because during those times I’m too in the situation to whip out the camera.

Even without that though, I’ve gotten some pretty great stuff, I think.  Dave handling one of my moods in typical Dave fashion is my favorite so far.

In fact, I think I got some pretty great footage last week – took my kids with me to the training conference for my Personal Family Lawyers and then we stayed over for some vacation with Dave and his kids.  Lots of juice.  Kids on a business trip.  Behind the scenes of the conference I was hosting.  Dave’s kids and my kids.  Even a fishing trip during which my kids caught 8 whoppers!

Unfortunately, you may never see any of that footage because I left one of my Flip video cameras at the hotel and it’s possibly lost and my other Flip is freezing up.

I could spend the next couple of hours stressing out and trying to fix the frozen Flip or try to locate the lost one, but there’s far too much on my plate.  I need to let it go and trust that for some reason you aren’t supposed to see that footage.  I need to let it go and trust that not being able to record a video for you tonight was fine.  No, not fine … perfect.

And, in fact, it is because I’m writing this blog post instead and apparently writing is what is needed now.  How do I know that?  Because it’s what’s happening.

If I’m supposed to have a TV show on network TV, I will.  But no more stress about it.  At least not for tonight.

The truth is that it’s all happening.  I’ve been asked to do a live internet television show for moms.  I’ve met with a producer who loves the Mommy Business and wants to move it forward.  Trust and let go.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #3:  My own time behind the screen.

I spend a lot of time in front of my computer.

I may have mentioned this before already (perhaps a few times) … I’m running two businesses from my home, one a multi-milion dollar business that’s transforming the way lawyers are with their clients and the other on track to possibly hit 7-figures this year.

Both of them pretty much start-ups and growing substantially each month.

Along with that comes a whole lot of stuff for me to do.  It’s just the way it is.

Let’s take a look at just this week:

1. I promoted and hosted a call teaching lawyers how to engage the prospects who call their office.
2. I’m in the middle of teaching a teleconference series to business owners on the  legal, insurance, financial and tax systems necessary to have a rock-solid foundation primed for growth.
3. I’m preparing for a huge, innovative launch dreamed up by me and Dave and recruiting affiliates for that campaign, which kicks off with an affiliate training call this Tuesday.
4. And, I’m giving a 90-minute presentation at the Los Angeles County Bar Association Small and Solo Firm Conference on how lawyers in small and solo firms can have it all and do it all.

It’s all happening and it’s all happening right now!   The truth is, I love it and it’s very unlikely that I’ll just be involved with one business, ever.  It’s not my nature.  I LOVE business.  I love starting new businesses and creating and planning and executing.  And I’m busy and it’s perfect.  When it’s not anymore, it’ll be different.

And because I’m doing so many things at once, not all of them are going to move as quickly as I’d like.  Which brings me to the 4th thing I need to let go of and trust about and will have to be the last thing for tonight because I can only make so much progress at a time.

Thing I need to let go of & trust about #4:  Who, Where, and When

I cannot control the who, where and when of anything even though I really really want to!  I can only control What and Why … and even then only somewhat.

I get to choose the what I do, be, have and the why that drives the what.  (And I’m only really choosing when I’m acting from a place of awareness instead of reacting, which isn’t even all the time yet.)

But, I cannot control who shows up, where or when they are ready.

And because I’m involved in so many things, I also need to cut myself slack on the “if only I worked harder at it” more people would show up front.  Tonight, I was a stressed out that our call is on Tuesday and many of the people I thought would sign up to be there haven’t yet and I don’t feel like I have time or energy to remind them again about the call.

I know it will be great for them, but I can’t control it.  I have to let go and trust that the right people will be there.

If you are reading this and you serve business owners and want to put money in your pocket this summer, get your message in front of tens of thousands by the end of July, bring more business in for your business over the long-term and cement your relationship with your list forever, you’ll be on Tuesday’s call even if I don’t do another thing.

The right people will show up so long as I’m putting my best possible effort into it … because it’s perfect.  So long as I continue moving forward in faith and taking inspired action, the Universe will reward me with everything I need.

I’ve come to accept I may not get everything I want when I want it, but I’ll always get what I need for my highest and best good.  All I have to do is do my best with the resources I have available in any given moment and keep moving forward guided by what deeply inspires me.  And let go of control and trust.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.    But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!

Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell