Let me just say this, it’s been quite illuminating and I cannot encourage you enough to totally surrender to whatever it is that you fear the most.

Here is what’s happened for me since I did:

I have found a licensing partner for Money Map, LIFT and Eyes Wide Open and we are finalizing a 3-month agreement to try each other out before we make a lifetime commitment. The agreement process is going really well and for the first time ever I am not holding anything back and giving everything I possibly can. These are concepts I’ve long known and even coached others to do, but found very difficult to apply to myself. Doing my own work on myself is such a blessing.

The one challenge I am running into is that all the sudden there are two other potential partners very interested and now I am feeling a bit torn, but I will approach it with the gal I am moving forward with openly and directly so there is nothing hidden and keep you posted on the outcomes as well.

In the meantime, my focus on the lawyer program has paid off.  Because I made a number of decisions that have allowed me to seriously decrease my expenses (all part of the dive into my own money shadow), I was able to offer my program more affordably and accessibly than I ever have before.  That means we are welcoming 15 new Personal Family Lawyers and Creative Business Lawyers this fall.

And, in the midst of all of it, after nearly two years off television (I swore off doing it anymore until I could do transformational TV back in November of 2009 and then moved to CO to make it easy for me to uphold that promise), I’ve gotten two calls for programs that are really exciting and definitely feel as if they could meet the transformational requirement.

The biggest challenge is that I can feel the danger of getting sucked back into my workaholic ways because it’s all so stimulating. Fortunately, Craig is vigilantly monitoring my Vata (an Ayurvedic dosha that I apparently have too much of and gets aggravated when I get too stimulated) and helping me stay grounded, focused and keep my heart open in the process.  I am sure we will end up getting in a fight about that one of these days when my ego forgets what’s most important to me, but for now I am keeping the resistance at bay and reminding myself that relationship with self, family, source and earth is the key to my long-term happiness.

I spent the day on Sunday harvesting carrots, beets, tomatoes, Cauliflower and potatoes out of the garden with Noah and I cannot even tell you the joy I felt digging food up out of the ground.  Talk about abundance!  Who can be worried about money when pulling pounds of food out of the land?

And to think it used to be my biggest fear in the world to “run out of money” and have to move to the farm.  I guess it’s true what I have heard in the past that often that which we fear the most is the path to what we really want.

So I just want to really encourage you to really dive into whatever it is that scares you the most right now.  Look at how your resistance to what is may be keeping you from the joy you know is rightly yours.

If you fear running out of money, try to do it and see what happens.  If you fear being alone, do it for an extended period, voluntarily.  If you fear ridicule and criticism, do the craziest, silliest, most off the wall thing you can imagine as publicly as possible (kinda like getting married at Burning Man!)

Risk it all and you’ll probably find out you really have nothing to lose.

– — – If you like what you read here, you’ll probably love the Whole Truth About Love & Money.  We air every Tuesday at 11aPT/2pET.  It’s interactive, it’s alive, it’s been called addicting.  We’d love to see you there.  http://www.TheWholeTruthShow.com

My company is looking for the perfect virtual admin person to manage my email, my calendar, and my crazy travel schedule and do the same for the CEO of our company.

I live in Colorado (and travel quite a bit) and our CEO lives in San Fran.

But, you can live anywhere because all of this management of our lives and schedules can be done remotely from your home!

You will be all up in our business, making
sure we stay on task with our day to day priorities (which are numerous and frequently changing) and really get to see what it’s like on the inside.

You will be responding to emails on my
behalf and on behalf of our CEO, so warm, friendly, professional communication is a key.

Plus, you’ll be handling our schedules and keeping us on task, so you need to be able to get bossy with us when necessary. In a warm and loving manner, of course.

Does this sound like an exciting position
to you?

If you are energetic, motivated, positive, optimistic and able to roll with a constantly changing environment AND you are highly detail oriented, analytical, systematic and process oriented, contact us!

If this sounds like a position you’d love, here’s what you should do right away because we are looking to fill this role very quickly:

1. Email FWPIStaffing@gmail.com with the following:

Subject Line: I’m Your Key Assistant

2. Attach your resume in a Word document or a PDF

3. Send us links to anywhere you appear online – Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn, wherever.

4. Write a short paragraph about why you are the right person to help us.

We look forward to hearing from you!

PS – Please forward this message far and wide to anyone you think would be the right person to help us in this oh so important role.

So, I can’t help but post something about George Steinbrenner’s death and all this talk about how his family saved $600 million because he died in 2010, a year when we have no estate tax.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can read about the estate tax and what Congress is doing about it.

What I want to make sure everyone knows is that:

1. Estate Planning is about so much more than estate tax – in years like this, that message can get lost.

Very few families will ever be subject to estate tax no matter what Congress does with it, but every single one of you has parents who love you and many of you have kids who love you and if you love them too and want things to be as easy as possible for them, you do estate planning.

No matter what. Even if you only have a bank account and a car. Look around you – everything around you right now (including everything right here on your computer) is part of your estate and if you don’t plan for it in advance, you are leaving your family with a big mess to deal with.

That’s just not right.

And, of course, if you have kids – name guardians, make sure they are taken care of by the people you want, in the way you want. Don’t leave it up to a Court to decide who that is.

Last, don’t for a minute think estate planning is just about your financial assets – it’s not.  It’s about passing on the story of your life, who you are, and what’s important to you.  Your values, insights, stories and experiences, aren’t they worth so much more than your money?

Of course they are, so what are you waiting for?  Talk to a Personal Family Lawyer about passing on what really matters.

2. If you do have a large estate, plan for future generations when there will be an estate tax

Yes, it’s true that if a multi-millionaire or billionaire dies this year, there is no estate tax.  But, what about future generations?

Our current “normal” method of passing on financial wealth simply to avoid estate tax in the estate of the wealth builder incentivizes future generations to squander it.

If, instead, we started to think about estate planning not as just a mere way to avoid estate tax, but as a way to encourage and incentivize wealth building from one generation to the next, we could eradicate the shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations phenomenon that is common in every culture.

I hope that Steinbrenner planned for the passage of his wealth in such a way that his assets will not only not be subject to estate tax now, but will stay out of his kids’ estates as well.

And that he established his plan so that each generation has a stake in the growth of their wealth, that they will be taught to do good with it and make a difference.

Whether George did these things or not, it’s too late for him, but it’s not for you.

I’ve been talking with lots of business owners lately who have shyly admitted to me that they are working on projects with other people without agreements in place.

I’ve seen first-hand the destruction that can cause and I recorded an important audio program to go along with my Personal Brand and Relationship Protection Agreement.

You can get a copy of the agreement and the audio here.

In the audio, I cover:

* How to break through the fear of presenting an agreement to people you are entering into relationship with (this audio will eliminate your fear).

* How the agreement process helps you get clear about whether you want to work with the person you are entering into a relationship with or not before you are too entangled to get out.

*  How having agreements strengthens and enhances your relationships.

* Why it’s not fair to anyone to expect to rely on memory about what we agreed to do and what we expect.

* How to back up your hope, faith and trust with action.

* How to use the agreement process to invite open-hearted dialogue and establish the communication foundation for your entire relationship.

* What to do if you simply cannot do it.

* How to make sure you don’t get sidelined by a blind spot (and what to do if you do).

In the meantime, here’s a script you can (and should) use with everyone you care about, before you do ANYthing together from a business perspective:

“I really want to do this thing with you. Before we can though, we need to have an agreement in writing because our friendship is too valuable to me to do it any other way.”

If you really do care about your friendships, do this. Really.

But if they do without us doing something different on a mass level, things could get quite uncomfortable for our future generations.

Four Years – it’s long enough for us to make a difference and too short for us to lose focus.

Do you believe we can do it?

I do.  It starts with you. And me.  All of us.

Watch this video made by a group called “Four Years. Go.”  They are enlisting the support of people like you and me who are committed to addressing the most serious problems we face.

Then, share it liberally. You can refer people to this YouTube link, or share a link to this post. Just do something.

Check out FourYearsGo.org to learn more about the group of people, just like you and me, who are making this happen.  And join the movement.

Commit to doing something specific over the next four years.  Be part of the solution.

Begin by helping to spread the word about this campaign.  I am.

And, then, I’m going to develop a sustainable farm in my community.  I’ll keep ya posted on that one.

The planet needs you to say yes.

You’ve stumbled onto this page because you are ready.  You hear the call to something more.

You are ready to start living the integrated life you know is possible.  The one where you are sharing your Great Work while having the time, energy and resources to enjoy the life you’ve always wanted – travel, adventure, personal growth, deep inner work, intimate connections, great, deeply nourishing food, amazing health and longevity …

If this is what it means to you to have it all, I’m thrilled to assure you, it’s so possible!

Read more and I’ll tell you how I know and what it means for you …

Everyday, I wondered if that would be the day it all fell down around me. Usually the fear was something to do with running out of money. ( I spent years wondering if the next month was the month I would run out.)

(Side note: That feeling didn’t go away even after I had lots of money coming in until I had the perspective of having been through a whole lot of ups and downs and discovering that I always came out the other side okay and never actually ran out of resources.)

Because I didn’t have any experience in business, I frequently found myself lost, confused and uncertain.  On very unfamiliar ground.

When I built business number 2, I experienced financial success much more quickly because I had a totally different perspective on what it would take to build the business from a financial standpoint.  I was no longer blindly stepping out in faith. I now had a 30,000 foot view.

What took me three years to do in business number 1 took just a year in business number 2.  Seven figures, baby.  There’s definitely a freedom in that.

It happened so much faster in business number 2 because I had perspective from building my first business.  I could see the big picture between where I was and where I wanted to go and the terrain that I’d need to cover to make it from start-up to profitability.

With that perspective, I could build a money map.

A money map provides a clear path between where you are and where you want to go to not only reach your business and life financial goals, but also to schedule your time and make the right hiring decisions.

When I was building number 1, I had no idea there was such a thing as a money map.  With business number 2, I didn’t even really know, I just kind of knew.  But now, with the experience of two businesses, I can see it clearly.

With a money map, you will:

• have clarity about your lifestyle desires and what you need to do to reach them;
• prepare a clear financial model for your business (and your life) even if spreadsheets make your eyes go cross-wise;
• create a 6-12 month promotion and events calendar so you know what to do when and can finally stop scrambling (big clue: every truly successful biz owner I know has one of these on their wall with dates filled in with promotions and events); and
• finally have an organizational chart with clear job descriptions for the team mates you need to join you on your journey.

Now that I’m building businesses number 3 and 4 (yes, I’m what they call a serial entrepreneur), I can clearly see how this money map will make it all so much easier and give me so much more clarity about what I need to be doing and when to reach my objectives.

No more wandering around my life and business wondering what to do next.  The map lays it all out.

If you’d like me and Dave to host a call that will guide you to create your own money map for 2010, please comment here and let me know.

If I get enough comments, I’ll be able to convince Dave that this is what we should teach on the call we are hosting on the last day of the year.  This call is our 2009 gift to you and we want to make it exactly what you need it to be.

Right now we are debating between either laying out this new money map charting process I’ve created or sharing with you a process we’ve both studied in depth that will help you identify what you really, really, really, really, really, really wanting to do be doing with your life.

So, which is it?  Money map (in which we give you a taste of the what do you really want to be doing conversation) or full-on get you to your purpose on 12/31?

Either way, it’s going to get your 2010 started right, so save the date of 12/31 at 9am PT and make sure you are subscribed to my email list to get all the details of the call in your inbox.  The subscribe box is up there on your right and you get some cool stuff when you subscribe too.

But, before you do that, make sure to leave me a comment letting me know what you’d rather us focus in on for the 12/31 call so you can rock 2010.

So, I said yes to things that were not in my best interest. Like the guys who flat out ripped me off for $10,000.

It (and many other things like that) happened because I was operating my business and life in the dark.  It was easier not to ask the hard questions.

I didn’t want them to think I didn’t trust them. I didn’t want to make them feel bad. I didn’t want to be unreasonable.  So I kept my eyes closed and dove in to the relationship without looking.

When they said they couldn’t give me references because of confidentiality agreements with their clients, I nodded and smiled because I thought we were on the same page spiritually. And we trusted each other.

What I recognize now is that I was afraid they wouldn’t like me or wouldn’t want to work with me.

As I’ve been doing interviews for LIFT, I’ve discovered a lot of business owners are just like me in this regard.

Men tend to come at it from a slightly different perspective. They don’t ask the hard questions because they don’t want to look stupid as opposed to  not being liked.

What I’ve realized as I’ve been working on LIFT is that being willing to ask the hard questions is part of what it means to be a real deal serious eyes wide open business owner.

I got the opportunity to test this recently.

I attended a charity event a few weeks ago at John Assaraf’s house.

I was seated next to quiet man and his girlfriend, both of whom I had met at a SANG party hosted by Vishen Lakhiani several weeks earlier.

I’m a great believer in synchronicity and that there are no accidents, so I wondered why it was that the Universe wanted me to meet this guy.

After talking with him a bit, I discovered that from what he said he had the power to advance my business substantially.

If what he said was true. IF.

Now, in the past, I would have taken the fact that I met him at John Assaraf’s house and at Vishen’s part (two business men I greatly respect) as the only proof I needed that he was good people.

I would have been unwilling to ask the hard questions that would allow me to verify that truth because I’d be afraid if I did he wouldn’t want to work with me.

But, this time, I did it differently. And I have to tell you, it felt amazing.

After having a couple of conversations about what he could do for my business and hearing how much my investment would be to work with him, I thought about what I should do instead of saying yes right away.

I was aware that I felt fear about the engagement and decided to inquire into the fear within myself instead of ignoring it.

When I did, I recognized that:

1. the fee was going to be high, but definitely worth it IF he could do what I hoped and not a higher fee than I’d ever paid for coaching/consulting before and he’d be doing way more than coaching/consulting on this project;

2. I knew that I’d be able to deliver the goods on my end, if he came through with his part.

So, what was the fear?

The fear was a valid fear that said “Hey, Alexis, you don’t really know this guy at all.  He could be exactly who he says he is and be able to do what he says he can do or he could be another person who sees you as trusting and vulnerable. Are you going to blindly trust again?”

And that was right.  I didn’t really know anything about this guy other than I had met him at the parties of two people I greatly respected.  But, I hadn’t even asked these two people if they knew him or knew anything about him.

What’s that all about?

It’s something we do as business owners when we want so badly to believe and we are looking for magic bullets and don’t want to face reality.  You’ve heard it referred to before as self-sabotage, but maybe you didn’t really know what it looked like or couldn’t see it clearly in yourself.  Sometimes an example helps.

And since this is really what my LIFT program is all about (because we all teach what we most need to learn ourselves), it was time to put my money where my mouth is and stop the self-sabotage.  The only way I was going to do that is to stop being blind to what was right in front of me.

So instead of doing what I would normally do, I asked the hard questions.

I wrote him back and said:

“I’d like to talk to a couple people who can vouch that you guys are who you say you are and have the affiliate network.  I like you personally and believe you totally know what you are talking about, but I’ve made too many mistakes in the past where I have not been willing to verify people were who they said they were and then only after I committed to work with them found out it wasn’t all as it had seemed.  I 100% don’t believe that will happen in this case, but I’m all about doing business with your eyes open and not avoiding stuff because asking is hard (this is what my LIFT system teaches).  So, to honor that, I’d really appreciate the names/numbers of a couple peeps I could call.”

I’ve gotta tell ya, it was really hard for me to send that email.

Inside, as I was writing it I felt so stupid and full of shame.  Because it was hard for me to write it.  Because I thought of all the times that I made investment decisions without asking for something so simple.  Just because I did.

And yet this time, despite the feelings of shame and stupidity, I asked the hard questions anyway.

Within a few minutes, he had responded with a simple email giving me the names of two people to call.  No drama. No hurt feelings.

As I thought about it afterward, I realized of course there was no drama.  If there had been, I would have known that working with him was a big mistake right off the bat.

One of his references is a guy named Ian David Chapman, who I’ve seen here and there for some time. He’s a social media strategist and was kind enough to give me some of his time.  And he didn’t just tell me about his experience, but he helped me make a good decision as to whether this was the right person for my needs at this time based on where I am in my business.  He helped me to see a few things I wasn’t seeing.

Had I not been willing to ask the hard questions to begin with, I would have proceeded with this investment in the dark, like I have so many times in the past.  Then, I would have not had the results I expected and gotten all victim-y and blame-y about it.

For now on, I’m going to do more asking of hard questions and I hope thanks to my example that you’ll be inspired to do the same next time.

I’d love to hear about the last time you asked the hard questions and it was helpful and/or the last time you didn’t and wished you had.  Comment/discuss/share.  I’ll respond.

Image courtesy of Flickr

The following morning, I was given the opportunity to translate that into a real life situation with a friend of mine and in doing so, remind myself.

Isn’t it beautiful how so often we find ourselves telling people in our lives exactly what we ourselves need to hear?

So, here’s the story.

Kaia is in third grade and some of the girls in her class seemed to have suddenly learned that it can be fun to exclude some of the other girls.

I first discovered this when I found out Kaia had not been invited to the birthday party of a girl she had previously spent a lot of time with.  I wrote about that experience on the LA Moms Blog.

The long and the short of it?  I felt a lot of pain around the whole thing.  Kaia couldn’t have cared less.

When I brought it up with my ex-husband, he looked at me like I had three heads.   He reminded me that our kids had learned in preschool that it was fine to exclude people and fine to be excluded.  It’s all okay.

Oh, right, now I remember.  That’s why I loved that school so much.  The unconditioning.  I chose it because when I showed up there for a tour, half of the kids were running around naked and playing in the mud.  Perfect.

Unfortunately for my friend, she didn’t have any of that unconditioning.  Her kid went to a traditional preschool where all the kids kept their clothes on and were made to take turns, share and be polite.  And, she herself had experienced generations of conditioning, none of which had yet to be unraveled.

So, when she found out her daughter was being excluded, she immediately decided something was wrong.

And, wanted to fix it.

But, how do you fix it when your child is being excluded?  Well, naturally, you try to help your child figure out what they are doing that’s causing the exclusion.

Right, that’s the conditioned reaction.  That was my immediate reaction too when I first heard my daughter was being excluded.

Except that, here’s the problems with that natural reaction:

#1:  You can’t fix it.

#2:  If you try to fix it, you make it worse.

#3:  By trying to fix it, your child inherits the conditioning that tells her that if she’s being excluded, there must be something wrong with her.  And, she begins to believe that if she can just change something about herself so that she fits in she won’t be excluded.

And well, we know where that leads, don’t we?

To feelings that we’re not good enough as we are. To low self-esteem.  To trying to please other people to feel good inside.  Eventually, to sex, drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.

So, what’s the unconditioned response look like that can break these patterns?

Let it be.  Teach your kid that it’s fine to be excluded.  Help her to focus on the people she enjoys spending time with who enjoy spending time with her instead of on the kids who don’t want her around.

Above all, help her understand it’s not personal.

She’s not being excluded because there’s something wrong with her.  She’s being excluded because not everyone is a match with everyone else.

And, that’s okay.

She needs to focus her attention on and hang out with the kids she does fit with and not worry about the rest.

What a gift to give your daughter.  The gift of being able to be herself without worrying what other people think.

Yes, for a mommy who does care what other people think, this can be incredibly difficult.  But, what an opportunity to let go of everything we once thought was important and find what really matters.

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I was so inspired by what everyone shared, that I’m awarding the coaching prize to each of the commenters!

Here’s what I’m going to do.

When I get back from Cape Cod and NYC at the end of next week, I am going to pick a date in late October and for everyone who went out on a limb and shared their big hairy audacious goals, I am going to have a private coaching series just for you.

The way this will work is that for each of the commenters on the blog I will set up some way that only they can register for the series – not sure how this will work yet.  (If you have any ideas let me know!)

Each of the registrants will get a hot seat coaching session with me in which we will develop their personal plan of action to make their dreams happen.

I’ll keep doing the calls until each person who registered gets their personal coaching session.

If you haven’t read the dreams of the beautiful people who entered the contest, do so here and find your own inspiration.

Oh, and if you want to get in on the call series, share your dreams there as well and you’ll get notification when I start the personal coaching sessions.

I remember a few years ago when I was right on the verge of making big things happen and all I needed was that little push right over the edge.  I’m so grateful that I got mine, now I want to give you yours.