How I Do It … Supermoms Unite. Not!

Dec 30

2008

How I Do It … Supermoms Unite. Not!

by Alexis Martin Neely - Posted in Pursuit of Truth |

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supermom Yesterday, I started a post that ended with me asking how you do it.

I was going to write a whole long post about how I do it, but then I ran out of the hour I had while the kids were watching their movie and decided I’d need to split it into two posts.

So, today I tell you how I do it.

I have a lot of freakin’ help. A personal assistant. A nanny who also grocery shops and cooks. A housekeeper who keeps the house clean and laundry done. A virtual team for my business. An in-office team for my other business. An ex-husband who I can count on for homework duty, doing fun stuff with the kids, and the frequent overnight. A boyfriend who’s willing to help out far more than required.

I still get a twinge of guilt/shame/fear when I tell you that I have so many people helping me.

That feeling keeps a lot of women from ever realizing their full potential. It almost did for me. I used to believe I had to do everything myself. That thought kept me small and it kept my business small.

It took a conscious awareness of those feelings and a shift in my perspective for me to begin to be willing to ask for help, pay for it and accept it.

I remember with crystal clarity the ah-ha moment that I made the shift.

I had just been reading about a billionaire businessman, I think it was Mark Cuban.

I asked myself how I would think and act if, like him, I was running a multi-million dollar company. In that split second, a paradigm shift happened in my mind. I stopped being afraid to hire people to help me. Because I knew I wanted a million dollar business and I knew it’s not possible to run even a million dollar business without a lot of help.

Anytime I got scared, I asked myself what the billionaire businessman would do.

I began to see spending money on getting more help as an investment in my growth instead of an indulgent waste.

It’s really a perfect feedback loop. The business exists to support the team that makes it go. No need to feel guilty about that!

« How Do You Do It? | It’s All Happening »

http://www.collective-e.com katie

I totally agree – it’s hard letting yourself ask people for help, and sometimes, to even think of what they can help with. Sometimes, if I am feeling overwhelmed, I think: What is causing me anxiety that I can address and put out? Sometimes that helps me realize what I can give to an assistant to help with. Sometimes it just means ordering lunch instead of making/cleaning it.
http://profile.to/amymiyamoto Amy Miyamoto

Alexis,
I love how you have shared all of the help you currently receive in your life as a celebration rather than an indulgence. I am at that pivotal point that you described where hiring help to support me with necessary tasks that are not my “brilliance” work ,not only makes sense, but it is imperative if I hope to develop myself and my business into our fullest potential. Another thing that helped me to more fully embrace this concept was the idea that by reducing the amount of time I spend engaged in tasks that can just as easily be done by others, it actually frees me up to help more people with the services I have to offer – which has the potential to change lives…now that can only be a good thing eh?! Bravo to you for creating a support team for yourself that enables you to fully express your gifts and talents and share them with the world in a bigger way.!
Amy
On twitter @LotusAmy
http://LegalResearchandWritingPro.com Lisa Solomon

It bothers me that so many successful women feel guilty for having help to accomplish the domestic tasks that usually fall to mothers. Do successful men/fathers who hire landscapers to cut the grass feel guilty for doing so? If not, why should successful women/mothers feel guilty for using a cleaning service to help keep the house clean?

Like you, I know I would not have been able to achieve success in multiple businesses without a *lot* of support. I’ve been amazingly lucky in the child-care arena: my kids (ages 6 and 11) have had only two long-term babysitters (the second is currently with us). Both treat my kids like their own, and the kids, in turn love them to pieces. They cook, and clean and ferry the kids hither and yon. Susan (our current sitter) helps Max (my 6-year-old) with his homework. I help Zoe (11) with hers. We complement each other.

As for having a spouse (or ex-spouse) to help with other kid-related responsibilities, I’m thankful that my husband’s there on the weekends to play chess with the kids, or take them ice skating on Christmas Day, while I work. We complement each other.

Finally, never underestimate the importance of being a role model for being passionate about your work, and for working hard when that’s called for. The value of hard work – including doing what has to be done without complaining about it – is one of the most important lessons my father taught me.
http://www.AbundanceJustIs.com Amy Starr Allen

Awesome post, Alexis. I couldn’t have said it better myself . And you’ve definitely inspired me to outsource more!

Happy New Year!
-Amy
http://www.phillipsgivenslaw.com latoicha

This is a very insightful article. I run my own IP Law practice while also maintaining 2 blogs. I have a husband and 2 kids. I go to sleep every night at 3 am. I feel like I have to do everything myself, but you have enlightened me. I am going to search hard for a great babysiter/nanny. Thanks!
http://www.makemoneywithdirt.com Kelly Abrajano

I definitely need to look more into outsourcing my chores. I have a wonderful husband who works too hard outside of the home to help us stay afloat while I’m growing my business. I get my workouts in after I drop the kids off at school and whatever other errands need to be done (groceries, bank, etc). Then I come home to a sink full of dishes, needing a shower after my work out. I get a little work in before and after lunch. Then I’m dead tired and need a nap in the afternoon. When I wake up, I work a little more, and then it’s time to get the kids. I have local in-laws who take care of the kids after school twice a week. On the other days, I keep the kids in the extended care program after school so that when they come home, their homework is done. So when they come home, all my attention is on them, cooking and cleaning. Then it is hubby/wifey time when the kids are in bed. I’m exhausted by then. I’m exhausted just writing it out!

So I do have help, but not enough to really grow myself as much as I’d like right now. Thanks for your post!
http://www.WhiteCollarMarketing.com Sarah Hurty

The issue, of course, for beginners in this is where to get the money. If your business is not yet generating enough revenue to pay for all the help you need while you pour into that exciting and all-consuming start-up and launch phase, then some things simply have to be let go.

So my first priority with my funds was to hire help with my business. And even that takes time to pay off in more revenue, because the team has to be trained. Once processes are in place for routine things, you are suddenly free to invest in actions that really only you can do right now to move your business forward.

After I invested in outsourcing business activities, I then began paying for some work at home, because the home stuff could be let go for awhile.

The decision about which to invest in first is really a personal decision. Where do you get your energy? Is having the “home” stuff below your standards too much of an energy drain? Or do have a spouse who thrives in a “perfect”, orderly environment, so that your home “systems” would be harmed by the house “falling apart”? Then you may want to invest in home help first.

No matter which you invest in first, you’re worth the investment.

Sarah
http://momwithmoney.wordpress.com Ann Levine

Alexis! I love this post. Until I read it, I felt no one related to my life at all. I’m a total freak among my affluent friends who are SAHMs. They think it’s crazy that I have a live-in au pair, someone who does my grocery shopping, etc. But I made a choice this year – like you – that a quarter of a million dollar a year business needs to run like a million dollar business. Everyone always thinks my end goal is to sell my business, but that’s not the case. My goal is to grow my business and I can’t do it by myself. Thanks for being out there and understanding, and giving a voice to those of us who feel alone in this endeavor. because while my friends may envy my Saks shopping bags, they do not relate to what it takes for me to do what I do. And, as I shared yesterday, the secret is asking for help. (http://momwithmoney.wordpress.com/2008/12/28/resolution-3-learn-to-ask-for-help/)
http://www.GreatLegalMarketing.com Ben Glass

Alexis:
Some people might look at you and say, “of course she’s so successful, look how LUCKY she is, she has a successful law practice, she’s got all this help around the house…of course she’s successful.”
But you and I met before you had all this STUFF and I knew you would be successful because you worked your tail off back then.. you visioned what it would like to become a national superstar and you went for it. You began associating more with folks who did things bigger, better, faster and bolder than you did…you took on some risk (hey, people sometimes diss you in listserves for being so …well…bold, LOL), you INVESTED mightily in your own education (after, graduating #1 in your law school class)…

Bottom line, any woman (or man) who isn’t satisfied with where they are today might just look at you as a model, ask you some questions and understand how you THINK about all of this…

great job and congratulations.

Ben Glass
http://profile.to/amymiyamoto Amy Miyamoto

Alexis,
I love how you have shared all of the help you currently receive in your life as a celebration rather than an indulgence. I am at that pivotal point that you described where hiring help to support me with necessary tasks that are not my “brilliance” work ,not only makes sense, but it is imperative if I hope to develop myself and my business into our fullest potential. Another thing that helped me to more fully embrace this concept was the idea that by reducing the amount of time I spend engaged in tasks that can just as easily be done by others, it actually frees me up to help more people with the services I have to offer – which has the potential to change lives…now that can only be a good thing eh?! Bravo to you for creating a support team for yourself that enables you to fully express your gifts and talents and share them with the world in a bigger way.!

Amy
On twitter @LotusAmy