Jan 28

2010

If You Love Something …

by Alexis Martin Neely - Posted in Moving Beyond Fear, Personal, Pursuit of Truth |

You’ve heard the saying, right?

If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back to you, it’s yours.

God, I believe in that.  Oh yes, down to the bottom of my toes, I believe in it.

I’ve even experienced it in my own life.  A lot.  5 years ago, I set my husband free (and a whole house full of stuff I loved) and now 5 years later, it’s all back.

In case you are new here, I moved to Colorado at the beginning of January and my ex-husband moved with me.  He’s living with me and the kids.  And that meant all his stuff came too.  And his stuff was my stuff that I left behind when I moved out 5 years ago.  Seeing it again was trippy and fun.

So I KNOW it’s true.  I’ve experienced it.

And yet, it still comes up for me.  I want to hold on to what I love.  Grasp it tight.  Squeeze it to me and never let go.  And definitely never share it with anyone else.

Fortunately these days, I can recognize it.  Become aware of it.  And not emotionally react to it.

Once I see the pattern I can make a choice of how to be.

Like right now it’s coming up for me about a gal I absolutely adore.  Chelsea Moser.  I love her. She’s my protegee (two things about that: 1) I feel totally and completely pretentious saying that and yet it is how I feel and I hope she is not weirded out by that and 2) the dictionary said that you spell the woman version of protege with two “e”s, thus the two “e”s).

And suddenly Chelsea’s working with all these other women in the online world.  Andrea Lee.  Tina Forsyth. Ciara Daykin. And then I heard she was talking with Sarah Robinson the other day; so she could be next.

Let me say this before I say anything else – each of these women is a woman I adore, support, honor, respect, trust, work with, and believe in to the depths of my soul.

And yet, I want to hoard Chelsea.  Seeing her work with all these other amazing women makes me scared.  Maybe if she sees how amazing they are, she won’t want to work with me anymore.  Maybe she’ll stop having time for my projects.

But, I won’t let those patterned fear thoughts run my life.  Instead, I will recognize the pattern and break it by:

1. Talking about it here (even though this is really, really, really, REALLY hard for me to do)

and

2. Trusting that Chelsea will work with me if that serves her life and if it doesn’t, she won’t. Trust that everything is always unfolding exactly as it should for my highest good and the evolution of my soul.  And trust that I will always have everything I need (not necessarily everything I want) and I never need to hoard or hold on to anything too tightly.

Yes, when I remember that, I can breathe and relax and be.  It feels good.

In my experience, the saying should go a little differently … it’s not about what comes back to you.

If you love something, someone, some …, set it free.
And then you will be free too.

In the end, it’s about your own freedom really.


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  • I think it's awesome that you wrote this. Awesome. And brave.

    And yes, from my little experience working with her on your new website redesign, Chelsea is lovely to work with.
  • billlandersen
    My first visit to your blog. Read through much of it. You are a very impressive woman making a huge difference in the world. You go girl....I would be honored to meet you and see if our paths connecting could help even more women. I am the Chairman of the Board of a large philanthropic org....ascendalliance.org also work with an MLM that donates a significant amount of money to both starving children and mothers in need. Would love to know you and more about your vision.
  • brittmichaelian
    This is a beautiful message to all of us who have people on our lives who support us. They work with us and (as coaches who can't help ourselves) we help them to grow their businesses... only to see them spread their wings and fly. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time and I can't help but think this is what we will go through (times a million) when our kids leave home!

    Actually, it's funny that you wrote about this because I have been thinking that I know this "letting go" is going to happen one day (soon) with my amazing VA who is so talented and so good at what she does. I want to hoard her, yes I do - LOL! While at the same time, I know how great she is at what she does and she deserves to prosper. She is one of those VAs (and people) that you can't help but tell everyone how amazing she is! How lucky we are to have found these gems!

    So, you are spot on, Lex- we do have to let what we love go and accept that the right thing will happen (if we let it). And just think, if Chelsea does find that her path goes in a different direction from yours... someone amazing will find that you are right where he/she belongs! There is comfort in knowing that. Great post. You rock.
  • I just love all the serendipity that has been flooding into my life recently. I sat down to read this post just minutes after "letting go of a queen mattress set , TV and two cribs that were no longer serving our family. We posted them on Craigslist this AM and within 2 hours they were all spoken for and out the door and what a light and freeing feeling it is. Each were little parts of my past that held fond memories yet i know I can stillhold the memories in my heart without holding on to the physical stuff! Thank you again for sharing so honestly Alexis!
    ;)
    Amy
  • lorilatimer
    Wow - what a great message! I am learning so much about being open, honest and transparent from you. It's so difficult for so many of us, but it's made easier by realizing that we aren't alone in that struggle. When people close to me learned that I had left my husband two years ago, they were shocked because I had held so much in for so long and not let anyone know the truth of my life. I realized how tragic that was and am finding it so much more fulfilling to let people know the real me... even though it's still scary as hell at time!

    And I love the twist you put on the "if you love something let it go" idea. You're so right - it's about our freedom, no one else's. And it opens us up to so many other wonderful possibilities in life that are waiting for us to open up the space for them.

    Thanks again for sharing your wisdom! And I'm sure you're very proud of Chelsea, and thankful that she has chosen to also work with such fabulous other women - you are all in very good company with one another!!

    Hugs, Lori
  • dagmarpollex
    Alexis, I love this post! even before you wrote this I was thinking about how amazing it is that you've created this relationship with your ex (and how great it is for your kids)

    Of all the amazing things you've done - and there have been a lot of them - this ranks right up there! Dave must be pretty great too :)

    You go girl!!
  • alexisneely
    Thanks so much Dagmar! I was just thinking of you the other day. You've been following my journey through so much of it. :) Thanks for paying attention. And yes, Dave is a great guy. He's got a lot of love in his heart, that's for sure.
  • jennyfenig
    Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, Alexis. It's refreshing. We're conditioned to hold on tight ... it's when we release this need and become unattached that we are set free. It's tough yet liberating work.

    Much love to you! Looking forward to your next post.
  • alexisneely
    Thanks Jenny. And congratulations on your launch! So excited to see you get out there. :)
  • jennyfenig
    It's liberating to jump off the cliff and spread my wings. You've been an amazing support and inspiration. Thank YOU.
  • If you love something, someone, some …, set it free.
    And then you will be free too.

    That's beautiful. I "wrote" that, too, long ago. There is a sort of ache, often accompanied by joy, we may feel when we truly do this, and that is not bad. It doesn't mean we are clinging. It means we are being.
  • alexisneely
    Ah yes, being. Such a nice place to be.
  • I just have to say - I agree that Chelsea is a rockstar and I know that in working with you she's learning from the best. :)
  • alexisneely
    Yes, there are a LOT of drawbacks to working for an entrepreneur, no doubt, but if you are someone who loves to learn (as Chelsea does), the drawbacks are far outweighed by that.
  • lisamanyon
    Alexis --

    Wow, letting go seems to be the theme of the month. New year, new beginnings, new direction. As always, thanks for your inspiration. You might not know it but I love your honesty and style and I keep an eye on what you're up to as someone who I believe truly "gets it"... whatever "it" is. :) You brave, bold move has reinforced my desire to really pursue relocation -- I'm going on a potential relocation expedition in a few months to Oregon. Excited to see what unfolds.
    Write on!~
    Lisa
  • alexisneely
    Congratulations Lisa! You can do it. It's soooo liberating to just up and move.

    I'm not sure about the getting it part, but I sure am always asking the question. :) xo
  • Oh gosh! You weren't kidding about the blog post! :)

    Yay for Chelsea! That says something for her that you already knew (she's a rock star). :) And YAY for you! You've seized the opportunity to grow & learn from this w/both hands! Love to you during all of this. :)
  • alexisneely
    Thanks so much Sunshine. Love is always welcome. :)
  • tracypaye
    Wow. What a powerful message. It's very much in alignment with what I tell my clients. I am a Professional Organizer and I deal with people all day long who hold on to stuff. And there justifications for doing so never cease to amaze me. Letting go truly does bring freedom. And that does apply to people too. The way I see it is everything is energy and when you hold on to what doesn't serve you whether it's an item, a belief or a person, it ties up valuable real estate inside of you. That can make you feel "weighed down" because the attachment is usually negative. And anything negative energy that is in your body or space creates a block. And that block prevents you from attracting into your life that which does serve you.

    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. I know it's hard. So good for you. And I wish you many blessings on your new journey with your husband.

    Here's to a prosperous and un-attached 2010.

    Tracy
  • alexisneely
    Yes, I also hold on to a lot of physical "stuff" too. No doubt. I bet you see it all the time as an organizer. How interesting. Do you approach your organizational biz from a spiritual perspective w/ your clients. Could be really cool.
  • tracypaye
    Yes, I do. However, I help people see their stuff in a different way, therefore, I get pretty good results in getting people to easily, effortlessly, and joyfully let go of their stuff. Yes, I integrate a lot of spirituality into what I teach. And I place a very heavy emphasis on the educational component when I organize someone. Teaching them not only organizational skills, but also helping them learn about themselves and why they do what they do.

    The way I get people to look at their stuff is through feelings. So next time you pick up an item and you say, "I like this but" keep going with that thought. What you will more than likely find is your initial feelings toward that item you will think are positive. Like, "I'm holding on to these skinny jeans because someday I will fit into them again." Seems empowering right? Well, if you look at the thought behind the thought you will hear yourself saying, "Ya, but in the meantime, I hate the way I look and feel" or "I'm really embarrassed about how I look." So, you see, those are negative thoughts projected into your stuff. And that energetic imprinting gets bounced back into your environment as negative energy. And negative energy creates blocks.

    So, you have a choice. If something makes you feel bad ask yourself if that item means enough to you that you are willing to accept the consequences of having negative energy in your environment that will create a block in your life. Sometimes, the answer is yes, and that's TOTALLY ok. So maybe you can at least take it out of your valuable real estate e.g. bedroom closet and put it in a plastic container in your garage so you can start to detach without getting rid of it completely. And then maybe in a few months you'll be more ready to let it go.

    Test this out Alexis, and get back to me and let me know your results. I would be interested to know. Check out this video I did about Feng Shui so you can get a better idea of the power of energyhttp://bit.ly/9FHlgF.

    Have a wonderful day!

    Tracy
    Miss Organized
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