Comments on: LIFT Your Way to Your Next Break Up

By: alexisneely

alexisneely — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:57:29 +0000

Wrapping myself around the concept of most relationships going into stasis when your thoughts change. I've got to feel more into that one. I suppose those aren't the types of relationships I'm talking about, but instead those that are more connected than what you've described – a partnership, marriage, source of support. It is true, I have had some friends who I was once close with and then wasn't and there was no “end” to the relationship per se, but we didn't have any sort of intertwining of kids, property, or even much emotion, really.

By: alexisneely

alexisneely — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:54:01 +0000

Also, when the arguments come up begin to look at your patterns. Where is your part in the argument? What if you let go of being right and just loved exactly what was? When you write down your agreement, focus on what you are agreeing to and what you are expecting. Be clear about those things for yourself.

By: alexisneely

alexisneely — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:51:55 +0000

Thanks Britt. And if not dissolution agreements, at least the commitment to operate and end the relationship with honesty, open communication and love throughout.

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 24 May 2010 18:45:07 +0000

I'm married and I often think about writing down our resolutions to arguments. This post motivates me to actually do it and not just think about it. This way, when those same arguments come up again we can refer back to what we felt the last time. Maybe we can bypass all the drama and focus on more positive things instead.

Great post!

By: brittmichaelian

brittmichaelian — Mon, 24 May 2010 03:25:29 +0000

Lex, this is such a great post and SO true! Yes, relationships are so different these days than they were in our parents' day, just like careers. Great observation. Can you imagine how much easier the break up process (or even divorce) would be if we walked in with a dissolution agreement from the very beginning? Wow. Thanks again for sharing your beautiful wisdom

By: Chris

Chris — Sun, 23 May 2010 01:22:49 +0000

I like how you recommend we set boundaries on relationships. And when those boundaries are respected, things tend to work well.

I'm just curious – do you also keep it that way with family? Was your first thought when each of your children was born, “Now, when they die…” ? Truth be known, I find your view on relationships to be a trifle jaded. While most do end (all do, if you're immortal), a lot of them just go into stasis when your thoughts change.

Have you ever taken the time to really think about the particular emotions that “summon” particular people into your life? It's trippy…