The Oprah Show Host contest is taunting me.  At least 10 people have emailed me, tweeted me, facebook’d me or otherwise told me about the thing.

Yes, I’ve talked about having a show for years.  Yes, this would be a great opportunity to get out there and allow it to happen.  Yes, yes, yes.

But, the timing really sucks.

I have 100% devoted myself to the deconstruction and reconstruction of my company so I can bring love to the legal process in a big way by training lawyers on a massive scale and designating some of them as lawyers you can really love.

The deconstruction/reconstruction means I have very little creative energy remaining for anything else.

As you can tell, I’ve barely been writing on the bloggity and what I have written has been pretty surface.  Don’t think I haven’t known it.

But, it’s what’s been happening.  The focus on this business and the work I’m doing is utilizing almost every ounce of creative energy I have.

Focus has always been difficult for me because of this.  My creative energy is HUGE and doesn’t always feel fully expressed when focusing on one thing.

What’s interesting is that when I saw my dear friend Baeth Davis (the Hand Analyst) recently, she grabbed my hands, looked at them for a brief second (don’t ask her to do this for you without paying her, she gets beaucoup bucks for a reading) and said something along the lines of …

“Wow, you have a very intense ability to focus. You need to focus on big, huge problems or your mind will create them all around you.”

Ummhmm, yep.  That’s true.

Anyway, that means that even though I’m exceedingly focused on my business training lawyers you love, my mind is wanting to engage in a lot of mental activity about all the other things there are for me to do in the world.

I’ve been good at ignoring this chatter for the past couple of months.  Less time on Twitter, less focused on my other businesses.

Head down, devotion to the lawyers.

And then Oprah showed up with her contest.  A contest I am so resistant to enter it must be exactly what I’m supposed to do next to move forward with my OWN evolution.

Did I ever mention that I met with the folks at OWN 12-18 months ago about my show concept?  I just knew it was supposed to be there.  The perfect fit.

In person, they loved me. They loved the concept for the show.  Then, we got into the treatment and notes and I gave away my power.

I didn’t hold firm to my vision. I let others take it over and it got muddied.  I wasn’t ready.

They passed.

I was so disappointed. I don’t know if I ever really acknowledged that before now, but I was.

And now I’m scared to try again.

What if I try (so publicly!) and don’t get it. Again.

I’m scared it would be the end of my dream.  I’d never be able to try again.  And I know this show is supposed to be a reality.

What if I’m still not ready?

I know these thoughts and this fear is not the truth.  I also know that success is a series of tryings again and again.  And, yet, it’s so hard to take the action necessary to keep trying.

But, when  I think about the possibility for the world of this show, I know I have to push through the fear and the resistance.

And then the voice comes that says I’m full of shit and my show isn’t that special.  It’s trying to protect me, that voice.  It really does have my best interest at heart and doesn’t want to see me hurt.

My opportunity is to hear that voice, be aware of it and bring love to it.  Pay attention to it and recognize it as a protective part of me, a thought I don’t have to believe.

As I do this, my body relaxes and I remember how important this show is.  To the world.

(It makes me not be able to breathe to say that and at the same time, I can feel the truth of it so deeply.)

And to the lawyers I train.  This show is important to them too.  They want to be loved.  They deserve to be loved.  This show will help with that.

Here’s what it’s about:

Conflict is the order of the day in almost everyone’s life.

We don’t talk about it publicly (for the most part), but it’s a constant beneath the surface.

We’ve become so used to conflict that we think it’s normal.

Normal to fight with our spouses.
Normal to fight with our parents.
Normal to fight with our siblings.
Normal to fight with our neighbors.
Normal to fight with our co-workers.

It’s time for a new normal.

This show that wants to emerge through me will help people see there is a clear path to happiness and everything else you ever wanted in life.

Take this path and  you will naturally lose weight, your face will look ten years younger (at least!), you will live longer.

Take this path and finally feel what it feels like to feel free, free at the deepest core of your being.  Free.

With this show, I intend to take us down the path to the ultimate in internal resolution.

This show will show people how to stop fighting.

Yep, that’s it.  Stop fighting.

We want world peace?  Let’s start with peace in our own homes, in our own lives, in our own psyches.

It’s both that simple and that difficult.

Our friends and family egg us on, as if it’s normal – “take him for all he’s worth” or “don’t let her get away with that” or a myriad of other statements that support conflict escalation.

Our legal system is incentivized to escalate conflict.

Even during my “collaborative” divorce, my husband’s lawyer was urging him to keep arguing over a $1,000 item near the end of our divorce process.

And that was a lawyer trained to be “collaborative.”

Fighting, conflict, escalation is so ingrained in our world.

It’s the ultimate physical manifestation of our unconscious behavior.  And we think it’s okay.

This show will help us all see a new reality.  A reality that is free of fighting, conflict, guilt, shame and fear.

Imagine that.

Imagine a world in which we all knew the truth about conflict.  A world in which we could see that all conflict is an opportunity for personal healing and transformation at the deepest level.

Heal your conflict and watch the weight drop off.  Forgive and watch the wrinkles melt away.  Give love and watch the aches and pains disappear.

This show is the anti-Judge Judy and People’s Court.  Not that I don’t love those shows, I do.  Deeply.  The drama, the conflict, the intensity.

I might not have become a lawyer were it not for the People’s Court.

But what if we could have just as much excitement and drama and at the same time heal the world from the inside out?

I can feel it.  We can do it.  This show is part of the path.

I’m scared that I can’t do it. That I will fail in my mission. That I will not get the show. That I will not be able to be clear enough about the vision.

Or that I will get the show and then I will not be able to hold the space for the truth to be seen.

That I will give away my power, like I did last time I got in front of OWN.

But, how can I not do this?

This vision is too important and God gave it to me for a reason.

As an evolutionary entrepreneur, I must keep growing, keep expanding through the fear.

So I told God I would do it, but only if it can be fun and serve my lawyers because I am dedicated to the reconstruction of this company right now.

And I see the Universe conspiring to make it happen.

First, recommendation after recommendation to read Steven Pressfield’s book the War of Art.  A book I had never heard of before now that I’ve now seen at least 10 times in the past two days, even though it came out in 2002.

It’s guiding me to see the truth about the resistance.  And why I must do this. And why I must also reconstruct the company.  That I can do both.

Then, the perfect producer showed up.  A woman I helped resolve a conflict New Year’s weekend 2009.  She gets my work because she experienced it first-hand.  She loves it and she’s full of love and fun.

So I am moving through the resistance.  Doing my part to allow this to happen.  Being willing to put myself out there and try again, even though I’m scared to death to do it and to do it so publicly.

Your support is so welcome.  A word.  A thought.  A vote once I get the video posted. Anything you’ve got to help me see this through is welcome.

I’m going to do it.  How can I not?