The Oprah Show Host contest is taunting me.  At least 10 people have emailed me, tweeted me, facebook’d me or otherwise told me about the thing.

Yes, I’ve talked about having a show for years.  Yes, this would be a great opportunity to get out there and allow it to happen.  Yes, yes, yes.

But, the timing really sucks.

I have 100% devoted myself to the deconstruction and reconstruction of my company so I can bring love to the legal process in a big way by training lawyers on a massive scale and designating some of them as lawyers you can really love.

The deconstruction/reconstruction means I have very little creative energy remaining for anything else.

As you can tell, I’ve barely been writing on the bloggity and what I have written has been pretty surface.  Don’t think I haven’t known it.

But, it’s what’s been happening.  The focus on this business and the work I’m doing is utilizing almost every ounce of creative energy I have.

Focus has always been difficult for me because of this.  My creative energy is HUGE and doesn’t always feel fully expressed when focusing on one thing.

What’s interesting is that when I saw my dear friend Baeth Davis (the Hand Analyst) recently, she grabbed my hands, looked at them for a brief second (don’t ask her to do this for you without paying her, she gets beaucoup bucks for a reading) and said something along the lines of …

“Wow, you have a very intense ability to focus. You need to focus on big, huge problems or your mind will create them all around you.”

Ummhmm, yep.  That’s true.

Anyway, that means that even though I’m exceedingly focused on my business training lawyers you love, my mind is wanting to engage in a lot of mental activity about all the other things there are for me to do in the world.

I’ve been good at ignoring this chatter for the past couple of months.  Less time on Twitter, less focused on my other businesses.

Head down, devotion to the lawyers.

And then Oprah showed up with her contest.  A contest I am so resistant to enter it must be exactly what I’m supposed to do next to move forward with my OWN evolution.

Did I ever mention that I met with the folks at OWN 12-18 months ago about my show concept?  I just knew it was supposed to be there.  The perfect fit.

In person, they loved me. They loved the concept for the show.  Then, we got into the treatment and notes and I gave away my power.

I didn’t hold firm to my vision. I let others take it over and it got muddied.  I wasn’t ready.

They passed.

I was so disappointed. I don’t know if I ever really acknowledged that before now, but I was.

And now I’m scared to try again.

What if I try (so publicly!) and don’t get it. Again.

I’m scared it would be the end of my dream.  I’d never be able to try again.  And I know this show is supposed to be a reality.

What if I’m still not ready?

I know these thoughts and this fear is not the truth.  I also know that success is a series of tryings again and again.  And, yet, it’s so hard to take the action necessary to keep trying.

But, when  I think about the possibility for the world of this show, I know I have to push through the fear and the resistance.

And then the voice comes that says I’m full of shit and my show isn’t that special.  It’s trying to protect me, that voice.  It really does have my best interest at heart and doesn’t want to see me hurt.

My opportunity is to hear that voice, be aware of it and bring love to it.  Pay attention to it and recognize it as a protective part of me, a thought I don’t have to believe.

As I do this, my body relaxes and I remember how important this show is.  To the world.

(It makes me not be able to breathe to say that and at the same time, I can feel the truth of it so deeply.)

And to the lawyers I train.  This show is important to them too.  They want to be loved.  They deserve to be loved.  This show will help with that.

Here’s what it’s about:

Conflict is the order of the day in almost everyone’s life.

We don’t talk about it publicly (for the most part), but it’s a constant beneath the surface.

We’ve become so used to conflict that we think it’s normal.

Normal to fight with our spouses.
Normal to fight with our parents.
Normal to fight with our siblings.
Normal to fight with our neighbors.
Normal to fight with our co-workers.

It’s time for a new normal.

This show that wants to emerge through me will help people see there is a clear path to happiness and everything else you ever wanted in life.

Take this path and  you will naturally lose weight, your face will look ten years younger (at least!), you will live longer.

Take this path and finally feel what it feels like to feel free, free at the deepest core of your being.  Free.

With this show, I intend to take us down the path to the ultimate in internal resolution.

This show will show people how to stop fighting.

Yep, that’s it.  Stop fighting.

We want world peace?  Let’s start with peace in our own homes, in our own lives, in our own psyches.

It’s both that simple and that difficult.

Our friends and family egg us on, as if it’s normal – “take him for all he’s worth” or “don’t let her get away with that” or a myriad of other statements that support conflict escalation.

Our legal system is incentivized to escalate conflict.

Even during my “collaborative” divorce, my husband’s lawyer was urging him to keep arguing over a $1,000 item near the end of our divorce process.

And that was a lawyer trained to be “collaborative.”

Fighting, conflict, escalation is so ingrained in our world.

It’s the ultimate physical manifestation of our unconscious behavior.  And we think it’s okay.

This show will help us all see a new reality.  A reality that is free of fighting, conflict, guilt, shame and fear.

Imagine that.

Imagine a world in which we all knew the truth about conflict.  A world in which we could see that all conflict is an opportunity for personal healing and transformation at the deepest level.

Heal your conflict and watch the weight drop off.  Forgive and watch the wrinkles melt away.  Give love and watch the aches and pains disappear.

This show is the anti-Judge Judy and People’s Court.  Not that I don’t love those shows, I do.  Deeply.  The drama, the conflict, the intensity.

I might not have become a lawyer were it not for the People’s Court.

But what if we could have just as much excitement and drama and at the same time heal the world from the inside out?

I can feel it.  We can do it.  This show is part of the path.

I’m scared that I can’t do it. That I will fail in my mission. That I will not get the show. That I will not be able to be clear enough about the vision.

Or that I will get the show and then I will not be able to hold the space for the truth to be seen.

That I will give away my power, like I did last time I got in front of OWN.

But, how can I not do this?

This vision is too important and God gave it to me for a reason.

As an evolutionary entrepreneur, I must keep growing, keep expanding through the fear.

So I told God I would do it, but only if it can be fun and serve my lawyers because I am dedicated to the reconstruction of this company right now.

And I see the Universe conspiring to make it happen.

First, recommendation after recommendation to read Steven Pressfield’s book the War of Art.  A book I had never heard of before now that I’ve now seen at least 10 times in the past two days, even though it came out in 2002.

It’s guiding me to see the truth about the resistance.  And why I must do this. And why I must also reconstruct the company.  That I can do both.

Then, the perfect producer showed up.  A woman I helped resolve a conflict New Year’s weekend 2009.  She gets my work because she experienced it first-hand.  She loves it and she’s full of love and fun.

So I am moving through the resistance.  Doing my part to allow this to happen.  Being willing to put myself out there and try again, even though I’m scared to death to do it and to do it so publicly.

Your support is so welcome.  A word.  A thought.  A vote once I get the video posted. Anything you’ve got to help me see this through is welcome.

I’m going to do it.  How can I not?

I recently ended a very important relationship in exactly the wrong way. Because of fear.

Fear of being hurt. Fear that something would be taken from me. Fear of the unknown.

The experience showed me everything about myself I didn’t want to see.

Brought me to my knees.

I didn’t know what was real. What was truth. What was not.  I do now.  Love is real.

Just not the way I thought.

It’s what you give.  Period.  Love, sweet love.

Thank you Universe for showing me the way.  My prayers were answered.

With love.

Several years ago, when I first discovered it was my purpose to shine the light, I was a lawyer who had just started my own law practice.

Shine the light?!?  What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

So, I started reading.

One of the first books I read was by Neale Donald Walsch. Bringers of the Light.

On the first page, he writes “It is falling together, you know. It may not look like it, but it is. Usually when your life looks like it’s falling apart, it’s really falling together. Often, for the first time.”

I’ve returned to this quote many times since then. Now, I offer it to you with my love, gratitude, humility, and, yes, my light.

Yes, we had a Valentine’s Day wedding. (Note for anyone considering it: flowers are really expensive when you get married on V-Day!)

Since our wedding day, we’ve had two kids and been through a VERY rough divorce.

Today, we are once again living together in the same house and co-parenting our kids. This time as great friends. Maybe better friends than we ever were when we were dating or married.

I think it’s fair to say I love my ex more today than ever before. Family love. Like the kind I feel for my kids and my sister.  The kind of love that makes me want to do nice things for him, make his life easier, and take care of him.

Whenever I mention to folks that my ex and I are living together again, I get a lot of questions.  So in honor of Valentine’s Day, this post will provide some answers about how you too can love (and even live with) your ex again.

1.  Forgive radically.

Forgive the unforgivable.  And I do mean all of it.  If you heard some of the things I’ve forgiven, you’d say “no way, Alexis, I could never forgive that.”

Yes, you can.

And when you do, you’ll uncork a boundless amount of love within yourself and also for yourself.

When you withhold your forgiveness, you are not hurting your ex.  You are hurting yourself.  And your kids.

If you don’t know how to begin the process of forgiveness, be willing to see where you were 100% responsibility for your part of whatever you are pinning on your ex.  Then, forgive yourself for that.

If all else fails repeat this mantra silently to yourself until you feel forgiveness at your core:

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”

2.  Accept completely.

Accept everything about your ex.  All of it.  Especially those things you simply could not accept when you were in relationship together.

Now that you are not together, they don’t affect you.  So, accept everything you couldn’t accept when you were together.  Your ex is not going to change.

You do know that by now, right?

If you say to yourself “well, those things do affect me because they affect my kids,” drop that.

Your kids came through the two of you because that is their path.  You chose to have children with this person. Forgive yourself for that and accept that your only role now is to help your kids learn how to grow through their relationship with your ex and accept even those parts of themselves that are just like your ex.

Whatever you do, never, never, never bad mouth your ex in front of your kids.  Ever.  When you fully accept your ex, you are showing your children they can love all parts of themselves.  When you badmouth your ex, you are implanting a message into your kids that there is something wrong with them.  Exactly what you don’t want to do.

Accept what is.

3.  Take nothing personally.

It’s quite possible that you are more emotionally developed than your ex.  If that is the case, see all of your future interactions as a test of the truth of that statement.  And if that is the case, it’s quite possible that your ex is still often triggered by interacting with you.

Have compassion for your ex every time he or she does that thing that used to get your goat when you were together.  Breathe.  Say to yourself “oh yeah, there’s that thing again.  that’s why we aren’t together. boy, am I happy to be free of that.”

And don’t take it personally.

It’s not about you.  Even if it’s something that’s being yelled at you in your face.  It’s still not about you.  Let it go and be grateful you get to walk away.

Three simple things that are not so simple in practice.  Forgive radically.  Accept completely. Take nothing personally.

Three ways of being in the world that will pay off tremendously for you, not just with your ex, but in every area of your life.

Today, on our 11th wedding anniversary, I am more grateful for my ex-husband than ever.  He’s been part of the fabric of my life for 16 years and shaped the me that I am today as much as my parents.

Every relationship (especially the difficult ones) give you an opportunity to be more of who you are.  To take the high road.   To forgive, when you think you can’t.  To have compassion.  To stop blaming and take personal responsibility for your part.  To love, even when it’s hard.

Loving your ex may be the very best thing you can ever do for yourself.

If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back to you, it’s yours.

God, I believe in that.  Oh yes, down to the bottom of my toes, I believe in it.

I’ve even experienced it in my own life.  A lot.  5 years ago, I set my husband free (and a whole house full of stuff I loved) and now 5 years later, it’s all back.

In case you are new here, I moved to Colorado at the beginning of January and my ex-husband moved with me.  He’s living with me and the kids.  And that meant all his stuff came too.  And his stuff was my stuff that I left behind when I moved out 5 years ago.  Seeing it again was trippy and fun.

So I KNOW it’s true.  I’ve experienced it.

And yet, it still comes up for me.  I want to hold on to what I love.  Grasp it tight.  Squeeze it to me and never let go.  And definitely never share it with anyone else.

Fortunately these days, I can recognize it.  Become aware of it.  And not emotionally react to it.

Once I see the pattern I can make a choice of how to be.

Like right now it’s coming up for me about a gal I absolutely adore.  Chelsea Moser.  I love her. She’s my protegee (two things about that: 1) I feel totally and completely pretentious saying that and yet it is how I feel and I hope she is not weirded out by that and 2) the dictionary said that you spell the woman version of protege with two “e”s, thus the two “e”s).

And suddenly Chelsea’s working with all these other women in the online world.  Andrea Lee.  Tina Forsyth. Ciara Daykin. And then I heard she was talking with Sarah Robinson the other day; so she could be next.

Let me say this before I say anything else – each of these women is a woman I adore, support, honor, respect, trust, work with, and believe in to the depths of my soul.

And yet, I want to hoard Chelsea.  Seeing her work with all these other amazing women makes me scared.  Maybe if she sees how amazing they are, she won’t want to work with me anymore.  Maybe she’ll stop having time for my projects.

But, I won’t let those patterned fear thoughts run my life.  Instead, I will recognize the pattern and break it by:

1. Talking about it here (even though this is really, really, really, REALLY hard for me to do)

and

2. Trusting that Chelsea will work with me if that serves her life and if it doesn’t, she won’t. Trust that everything is always unfolding exactly as it should for my highest good and the evolution of my soul.  And trust that I will always have everything I need (not necessarily everything I want) and I never need to hoard or hold on to anything too tightly.

Yes, when I remember that, I can breathe and relax and be.  It feels good.

In my experience, the saying should go a little differently … it’s not about what comes back to you.

If you love something, someone, some …, set it free.
And then you will be free too.

In the end, it’s about your own freedom really.

This was his gift to me for day 5 and now I’m sharing with with you.  Enjoy it.

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