The Whole Truth

Apr 06

2011

The Changing Nature of Relationship in the New Paradigm

by Alexis Neely - Posted in Life, New Paradigm, Waking Up |

I guess it’s time to get this over with and make the official announcement that Russell and I are changing the nature of our relationship.  Yes, that’s new paradigm talk for – we broke up.

Those words so do not represent the reality of what’s happening though.

A break up suggests a complete break, separation and end.  That is not what the new paradigm is about at all.  It’s about transition and transformation.

Far more than a break up, I see it simply as a change in the nature of our relationship.  As of this moment, it looks like we will continue working together, we will both be at Eden holding space to birth the new paradigm of conscious business and we still love each other totally.

We are simply not a match when it comes to living together, raising children and doing day to day life together.  Yes, I know that many of you nodding your head saying “well, you should have figured that out before you got married.”  Perhaps yes, perhaps no.

I know that without a shadow of a doubt everything happened exactly as it was supposed to.

It had to happen exactly as it did for the next evolution of each of our souls.  My relationship with Russell guided me to let go to another level of surrender and ushered in the transformation that was blossoming.

In the old paradigm, when you ended a relationship, it was over.  Kaput. Finished.  Get the heck out and don’t come back, right?

Not anymore.  Times, they are a-changing.

Now, we are realizing that the end of a relationship really isn’t the end anymore.  It’s merely another step in the transformation.

I have long been friends with my ex-husband, co-parenting our kids together, even though we have not been romantically involved in more than 6 years now.  Yes, there have been some rocky times, but our divorce hasn’t made me love him any less.  If anything, our being apart has allowed me to appreciate him more.

My ex-boyfriend from right after my divorce lives on my farm, helps take care of my children and is taking the lead on creating a sustainable sanctuary at the farm.

Ex does not have to mean out of your life.  Quite the contrary, your ex’s can become your very best friends.  Here’s how:

1. Start off planning for the end, right from the beginning and create conscious agreements.

Not because you are a pessimist jinxing the relationship, but because you are a realist and know that we live in a highly evolving time, which means that any relationship you are in now will almost certainly transform at least once and possibly even more often during your lifetime.

My nearly 4-year relationship with Dave transitioned so easily because we had clear, conscious, awake agreements.  Part of what led to mine and Russell’s clarity that we were not a match was that as we entered into the agreement process we could not come to agreement on many things without painful power struggles that were not sustainable long-term.

It’s what I love about the agreement process – you discover if you are in a relationship that can really be successful long-term early on and do not end up blindsided after deep entanglements that are hard to release.  I do recommend you do this agreement process before you get married, not afterward like I did, whenever possible.  But, if you cannot, do it as quickly as possible.

2. Keep an open heart through the relationship transition process.

Of course, as your relationship is transitioning you want to close down, protect, preserve what is yours.  You do not have to do that.  It’s a choice you make in every moment and I urge you to please make the choice toward more love, more generosity, more giving.

I truly believe that my unwillingness to fight during my divorce and instead to give in and pay my husband more child support and alimony than a court would have likely required is part of what allowed me to make $1mm in my law firm for the first time the year of the divorce.

Open more, give more, expand more, forgive more.

3. Learn, Evolve, Grow, Transform and Wake Up!

One of the things Russell and I were most in alignment about is that we are not on this planet to be in relationship, we are here to evolve our souls, to become more of who we are and wake up to the truth of our existence.

Relationship is just one of the many vehicles we are given for that evolution.

Use your relationship transition to receive more clarity about yourself.  It can certainly help you to know what you no longer want, which can shed light on what you do want.

And, it can help you to see the blind spot and shadows you have been holding on to that keep you from being all of who and what you are.  If you do not blame your partner, become a victim to the circumstance or avoid the reality of what this relationship transition is showing you.

If you are in the midst of a relationship transition right now yourself, ask yourself how you can show up as more of who you are throughout it and then be that.  Use it as fuel for your transformation.

If you are not sure what to say after reading this and want to reach out to either me and Russell, I invite you to reach out with the same love and congratulations you did when you heard about our marriage.  Yes, congratulations for letting go with love, congratulations for not staying stuck in the shit, congratulations for evolving to yet another level of our relationship.

I welcome your congratulations on this new stage of my evolution!

PS – lest you think any of this just applies to personal or romantic relationship, it does not; it all applies exactly equally to each and everyone of your business relationships.