The Whole Truth

May 19

2009

The Mommy Business… We Are Leading Work and Family Into a Whole New World

by Alexis Martin Neely - Posted in Burning Man, Entrepreneurism, Having It All, How To Stuff, Mom-a-rama, Mompreneur, PR Stuff, Pursuit of Truth, Spirituality, The Mommy Business, Values |

mauiI’ve literally (this morning from the red eye) just arrived back in Los Angeles from a week long, life-changing trip to Maui.

It’s now 11:00p at night (although only 8:00p to my body– which is still on Maui time) and despite running around like a mad woman all day taking care of my dog (who lost use of his back legs while I was gone) and my kids (my daughter had her first solo presentation at school and had no costume ready) and the fact that I’m totally exhausted, I’m compelled to document my awakenings and awarenesses from the trip.

The sooner I get it all down, the more likely it is that I will keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

Writing down your commitments (the more publicly the better too by the way) makes it far more likely that you will honor them and bring yourself infinitely closer to creating your life on your terms.

I was in Maui for the diamond mastermind meeting with my mentor Ali Brown.  It’s so interesting to look back at the post I wrote when I invested 6-figures to have Ali as my mentor and see how my thinking has grown and evolved and know that it will grow even more tremendously over the next 6 months.

Playing in a Mastermind at this level is absolutely transformative and what’s completely mind blowing to me is that rather than it pulling me into a whole new level of busyness and work, it’s bringing me to a place of almost stillness.  Absolutely mind blowing.

Ok, so stillness may be going a bit too far.  🙂  But, definitely a massive shift from the “it’s all dependent on me and I have to do all of it” mentality into an “I can’t do it all and why the heck would I want to anyway?” mindset.

Big shift and one that I’d embraced mentally for the past couple of years, but wasn’t truly embodying.

Okay, maybe now I realize that’s not true either.

Over the past several years, as I’ve been building my businesses, I’ve become very good at admitting I can’t do it all … at home.  I’ve gotten very good at delegating there (I haven’t cooked a meal in years and yet we always have family dinner together) whereas in my business I’m still hanging on to too many things that don’t really need me.  Things that I now realize are taking away from my family and what I really love.

This week in Maui I confronted an old demon of mine (my experience as a mother) and discovered what I’ve known all along but couldn’t allow to happen because my businesses were not ready … I really, really, really want to be a hands-on mom.

Not a full time stay at home mom. But a business owning, money-making, empire building hands -on mom.

I want to be the one to pass on values to my kids.  I want to be the one who teaches them how to be in the world.  I want to be the one to guide them towards their passions in life.

The only way to do this is to spend a whole lot more focused one on one time with them.

So, that means I need to work less hours.  The fact of the matter is there’s only so many hours in the day and I’ve got a lot of vision that wants to be created and brought into being.

I’ve finally realized that the way for me to work less (thereby having more time for my family while still being the visionary in my business) is to become the leader; not the manager and not the doer.

It’s time for me to embody this, not just know it to be true.

Looking back at what I wrote 6 months ago when I joined Ali’s diamond mastermind, I can see some interesting things:

1.  Now I REALLY Need to Give Up My Private Email.  This time, I have a plan that will work, I think.

6 months ago, I tried to give up my email utilizing the Tim Ferris Four Hour Work Week method, but that completely failed for me.  For a while I beat myself up, but then I worked through it and discovered that Tim and I are very different and what works for him and his relationship with his customers, won’t work for me and mine.  I needed to create a personalized system using the same concepts, but fitting my personality, character and way of being.  I’ll share my system with you and how you can create your own once I get it fully implemented and tested in my life.

2.  Still not a mommy blogger.

While I do write the intrepid mompreneur blog and I am a mommy, I’m still not a mommy blogger.  I’m a Mommy Business Blogger.  I’d have to say the biggest difference is that I have no qualms whatsoever about earning a fabulous amount of money from the work I do at home while I raise my kids.  The mommy blogger crowd seems to be a wee bit (or more) concerned about ruining their personal brand by actually making money.

For me, having it all means raising my kids as a hands-on mom while running a business from home and making oodles of money, loving what I do and changing the world. A Mommy Business Blogger!

3.  Twitter

My whole philosophy about Twitter has changed.  I don’t feel chained to it at all.  And because I’ve set up groups using Tweetdeck and can keep an eye on the streams of people who uplift me, I love, love, love that I can pop in when I can, connect with the peeps who want to connect with me, ask for support when I need it, give support when I can and I don’t have to feel any sort of obligation to do it or like I’m missing something if I don’t do it.

Oh, and by the way, if you are on Twitter, you may want to check out some hashtags I’ve started.  #mommybiz is for when I’m writing about and talking about Mommy Business type things and #values is for when I’m struggling with how to handle something with the kids.  If you love my spirituality, you’ll love my #agape tweets live from the Agape Int’l Spiritual Center on Sundays too.

I could go on and on about these little things, but the real big shift is that I am going to be way more hands-on with my kids than I have been up until now.

It feels so funny to say that out loud because I feel as if I have been incredibly hands on for a working mom.

But I can no longer deny that my kids need more than “hands-on for a working mom.”  My kids need 3-5 hours a day of my time, consistently and fairly focused.  Wowzer!  That’s a lot of time for someone who works like I do and supports her family and has 10 people counting on her for a paycheck.

Ok, let’s see how we can make this a reality.

I’ve spent hours wondering how it is that other moms can sit in front of their computers 12-14 hours a day and their kids seem to be able to stay with nannies, do okay in school, etc., and why it doesn’t seem to be working for us.  I’ve spent days wondering how I could make sure my kids needs would be met by someone else.

Finally, finally, finally, I’ve realized that I’m not really having it all if I’m not spending a significant enough amount of time every day with my kids to really feel like I am raising them to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.

I’ve been leading my businesses for the last 6 years and thanks to the work I put in, the learning I put in, the investment of time, money and tremendous effort, I can now turn more over to my amazing business teams and relax into the role of being a hands-on mom.

As I allow myself to sink into the possibility, I begin to discover that it’s what I’ve been working for all along.  I’ve been working so freakin’ hard so I could spend more time with my kids right now at this moment when they need more of me the absolute most.

I’m reminded that it’s all perfect and that source, the Universe, God, spirit (insert your term for it here) has a divine plan for my life.

So, with that very long introduction, I want to welcome you behind the scenes into my life running a mommy business and raising kids all at the same time and  in the same place … my home.

Through this video blog series I’m launching right away, you’ll get to see what it’s like to lead a business and a family at the same time.  I can promise you this – it’s not always pretty, but it’s almost always at least entertaining and I believe you’ll find it enlightening as you enter a whole new world where you really can create life on your terms.

PS – if you are wondering what happened to my big 40 days commitments, I’m no longer attending the daily meditations and I fell quite a bit off the eating wagon in Maui.  I’m not beating myself up for it in anyway shape or form though.  I’m so aware of the perfection of it.  It was exactly what I needed to prepare me for Maui so that I could be available to what it held for me.   WOOHOO!


Photo courtesey of rhettmaxwell