Comments on: The Root Cause of Drama

By: Lee Strauss

Lee Strauss — Wed, 26 May 2010 06:37:05 +0000

Hi Alexis, Stubbled on to your site doing some research on building a successful business, sure hope that in the very near future I saved enough money to purchase you LIFT program (package 3), anyway that's not why I am writing here. As a beginner coach, I can really identify with what your talking about here, it like we out of the same mould, I have very similar conditioning to you, I too need to be BEST at what ever I choose to do and if I not then I feel stupid and I do it to prove my worth, I not sure who it is that I need to prove it too, but I have the feeling I need to prove it.

I take heart in that there someone else out there taking a similar journey to myself, and I do hope our paths will cross.

By: Jenna Martin

Jenna Martin — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:51:34 +0000

I want to totally change my lifestyle but I know it will negatively impact my relationship.

By: Greg_Evans

Greg_Evans — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 06:42:06 +0000

I want to be free of my addictions.

By: EconGrrl

EconGrrl — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 19:51:27 +0000

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I want my worklife to be easier. I want to ignore the clock and really connect to my friends and my clients.

It's not very 'professional'; it doesn't pay the bills, but that is the desire I've been squelching.

By: Lori B.

Lori B. — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:51:47 +0000

YES, I know what you are writing about here! I have been reminding myself -A LOT LATELY- of this – I am better and life is better when I am who I am. When I try to hide my dreams and desires, I cannot let them go, and I just get depressed, because I am re-cycling the desire and the rejection of the desire, burning up a lot of energy, for naught but more stress. Better to risk activating the idea than trying to sit on it and keep it a secret.

In truth, I have been pretty well able to bring my dreams to life, so by my own example, I have no reason to think I can't be successful with more and bigger dreams!

By: MicheleWoodward

MicheleWoodward — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:57:38 +0000

Great question! Writer Byron Katie says there are three kinds of business in the world – “My business, your business and God's business.” When I'm deciding about speaking my truth, I first have to ask, “Is this my business?” Because if it is, then speaking allows me to be an advocate for myself, express important things, manage my self-care. But if what I want to say is really about “Your business”, then what I may be engaged in is… telling you what you should do, telling you where you're wrong… and that's not truth – that's ego. If I find I have an ego-driven need to set someone straight, I don't do it. Because while it's fine to have an ego in your care, you just can't let it drive.

From approaches like Crucial Conversations, I also spend time on what I hope to gain by speaking my truth. Again, if there is ego involved, I stop. If there is self-care involved, I say what needs saying.

Truth is relative, and often differently from alternative perspectives. I have learned that things I've held to be “true” turn out to be something else all together. In fact, I know that things are true at the same time they are not true at all – going all woo-woo on you – and I am absolutely fine with that understanding. Speaking what's true for me, in this moment, without judgment of me or of you – that's what's called for.

By: Cherry Woodburn

Cherry Woodburn — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 07:34:50 +0000

Right now can't think of a thing I'm holding in, just got it. “When you won't help me I don't feel supported. I don't think I ask for help often.”
Good post. For the most part I can say things without a charge but when I'm hurt, that gets harder. I also agree with one of the commenters that not saying everything can be a good idea but not when it's eating at you. Tends to come out sideways then.

By: Nichole

Nichole — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:46:16 +0000

Say it in love. You can't just go around saying what you want because it makes you feel better without regard for how it might affect/impact someone else. I'm saying to censor yourself, but at least take the time to frame it in love. I should know; I didn't always (and still don't always) do this, and once words are released, you can't take them back.

By: Alexis Martin Neely

Alexis Martin Neely — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:30:43 +0000

Awesome Michele. How do you decide when speaking your truth is called for and when it's not?

By: Alexis Martin Neely

Alexis Martin Neely — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:30:04 +0000

I think what you are saying IS the best way for everyone when it's something that can be let go and not something that has to change because you are not getting your needs/wants/desires met and they are real needs/wants/desires that deserve to be met and not ignored. This is kind of cryptic, so I'll probably have to write a post that uses some concrete examples. Thanks for the discussion.